‘Why do people feel ashamed or feel weird while talking about periods?’

“While I was writing about the experience of my first periods, I was reliving that moment and it wasn’t a good experience at all”

The session on ‘periods’ with the participants of My Perch began with the train energizer. Though it is a simple and silly game but the way the participants engaged made it so much fun- all the actions were unique and out of the box that at the end we all ended up rolling with laughter. After showing sanitary pad to the participants, we inquired whether anyone has seen it before and are they aware of what it is used for? It was amazing to see the participant who hardly speak in the workshop giving the answer at the first go.

In the next part of the session, the participants were asked to write about their experience of first periods; in case of boys they were asked to share their thoughts, feeling or questions related to periods and in case of girls who didn’t have periods could share how they feel when they hear about periods.

‘I was not aware of what periods are but after that when I came to know about it, I felt weird! Because whenever anyone have periods in the house, they hide things from me. I feel bad and always wonder why they have to hide about it.’

‘When I was told to get pad from the shop for the first time, I was very scared and I didn’t know what to say to the shopkeeper! I was feeling very shy and embarrassed. Then somehow I gathered courage and went to buy it’

‘I was 12 years old when I got my first periods. My entire skirt got red, I was confused as to what happened to me. When I went to home my mother got scared and said how I can get periods so early, however my mother explained how to use pad. Then we went to doctor who said that it’s because of hormones that I have got early periods. Post that I didn’t get periods for a year’

‘When I first got periods, I thought I have got some disease and I was too scared. I didn’t know how to tell my mother, I couldn’t make any sense of the situation. So I used a cloth for stopping the blood, but then the cloth and my dress got dirty. Next day I was unwell so couldn’t wash my clothes and my mother had to clean my clothes then she came to know that I was having periods. She came to me and asked me why I didn’t tell her. I explained that I was scared and asked her whether I am having some sort of disease. She calmed me down and told me that I am having periods’

‘I have never seen any girl talk about periods openly. In school, if a girl gets period she immediately goes to her home. Whenever I used to see advertisement on TV, I used to have so many questions but I didn’t know whom or how to ask about it because I was scared. I have also seen that shopkeeper always wrap pad in newspaper or black polythene, they don’t do it with other stuff which made me curious.’

‘I have noticed that whenever girls are on periods, they appear to be agitated, irritated, feel weak and are distracted. I have seen ad but I always ignored it because if I talk about it or watch it people will think I have no shame. I used to feel weird and embarrassed whenever this conversation comes up but now I am trying to be open minded’

‘I got my first periods when I was 13 years old. I was giving some exam and I was having stomach ache which increased gradually next thing I knew was my white skirt turned red. I thought that I have got hurt somehow. I was so scared because I used to live with my grandmother that time, I was sure she would bombard me with thousand questions and will scold me badly’

‘When I had periods for the first time, I didn’t know what has happened to me. I started crying and asked my mother to take off that day. She gave me pad and I was so scared because I didn’t even know how to use it. I remember watching advertisement of pad and asking what it is, my aunt scolded me and told me to keep quiet’

‘I first came to know about periods on my friend’s birthday. She had periods and the chair she was sitting on got dirty. I cleaned it and removed it from there. She then told me that she is feeling weird and scared and I am the first one she has talked about her periods. I wasn’t scared at that time but I wondered how I would react when I would have periods, with whom I could share it. I tried speaking to my mother but she sternly told me to be quiet’

‘I don’t like it. I always wonder how it would look from behind when I would be putting pad. It just makes me feel dirty’

‘I was at my friend’s place when I had periods, there was blood coming out from my main part. I thought I have got hurt at that place so I told my mom about it. My mother explained me that I am having periods and I should use sanitary pad, but on asking what periods are she told me to just go and put the pad’

Post this intense activity, we screened video that explains what does periods mean, what is sanitary pad, why do girls have periods etc. Lot of questions were asked –

‘Why don’t boys have periods?’

‘Can we recycle sanitary pads?’

‘Are they made of plastic? If yes won’t they have adverse effect on private parts?’

‘Why do people feel ashamed or feel weird talking about periods?’

‘Why does my mother tells me not to talk about periods?’

A girl asked a very interesting question that converted into a discussion which actually indicate the depth of critical thinking in these participants-

Girl 1: What will happen to the girl who doesn’t have hands? How will she do things in periods?

Before I could answer, another girl says, ‘She can ask her mother’

Girl 3: Just now we discussed how we all feel embarrassed and ashamed about periods. How would she share this with her mother?

Girl 4: It would be mortifying for her to get help replacing the pad every 4-5 hours. God that would be so painful.

After this, we engaged on taboos around periods with the help of mind mapping –

‘My mother tells me not to go out while having periods’

‘You shouldn’t wash your hairs, shouldn’t take bath’

‘Shouldn’t enter kitchen or cook food’

‘The girls are made to sleep on different place while they are on periods’

‘Don’t go to temples, pray or engage in any festivities’

‘Don’t touch or water tulsi as you are impure’

‘Don’t sit or talk with boys’

‘Don’t jump, or engage in physical activities’

‘Avoid eating or touching pickles’

Taking cue from these sharing, we engaged on each statement and discussed how they are not true but a myth considering how no one talks about periods openly even though it’s just a physical change. Post this, we inquired from boys as to why this information is being delivered to them, is it relevant to them?

‘Yes, it’s relevant for boys because if anyone in my home is having periods, I can bring pad without feeling embarrassed’

‘We can share this information to others so that they are comfortable with this knowledge’

‘We can stop boys from commenting on girls especially related to periods’

‘We both boys and girls are aware about what periods are, and they know that there is nothing to be ashamed of then taboos and myths would automatically be dismantled’

To capture their understanding of periods, the participants were given situations for role play. One of the group displayed a daily life situation where there's a girl who experiences her first period at school. She feels sacred, nervous and shares it to her friend. Her friend gives a sanitary pad to her. Still feeling nervous about the situation; the girl seeks permission from her male teacher to go home. Her brother comes to pick her from school. The vulnerability with which this little girl played the role exactly showed how nervous the first period experience can make a girl feel. In that vulnerable situation; sharing the situation with her friend seeking for help, talking to a male teacher and brother about it was so impressing! This just warms my heart with so much hope!