'Is it true that if you stay close to Kinnar, you too become a Kinnar?'

Right from the beginning of our gender, sexuality and reproductive health program with the third group of adolescents from the Government School, their actions and conversations have highlighted the gendered behavior in one or the other way. It appears that they assume being a boy is a capability that makes them superior and can do whatever they wish too with no regret even if that involves verbal abuse, physical fights or passing ludicrous comments on girls! Hence the session on ‘Gender and sexuality’ was very crucial to debunk this mindset and challenge them to see the gender biases that their privilege and behavior was inflicting without them being totally aware of.

The session began with chit activity which works in two steps. During the first part, they are asked to form two separate line while choosing a chit and based on that they had to decide if this role/responsibility/action is done mostly by men or women? Here the line of men was way too long then the girl’s line clearly indicating that boys do more productive work than girls giving away the stereotypical mindsets our society follows and preaches! In the second part of the activity, based on the chit they were asked to form 3 different lines – one where the work is exclusively done by men, second exclusively by women and third done by both. After huge discussion, agreements and disagreements, the line of men had one person standing, the line of women had 2 people standing and the last line was the biggest one indicating that all work can be carried out by both men and women except for certain physical changes like getting pregnant, having periods or having beard.

One of the participants said, “It seems that whatever work men does, he gets money however the work done by women doesn’t yield money, her work is taken for granted and we ignore that” This is one of the wisest thing I have ever heard from a boy as even educated or aged men don’t wish to acknowledge this fact!

Post this, through the activity of Chinese whispers and gender story, we engaged on what we understand by term gender? Can we see gender differences in our lives? Also engaging on the fact that since gender comes from society that means us, we can also challenge it and change the reality. It is very important to understand that gender doesn’t define our capabilities or capacities so when you get an opportunity always ask whether you are getting it because you deserve it or is it because of your gender!

In the next activity, the participant discussed over the gender differences they encounter in their real lives –

Home:

Clothing- Girls wear suit salwar, sarees while boys wear jeans and shirt

Girl engage more in household chores like cooking, washing clothes while all the outside work has to be done by boys.

Boys engage more in fighting, abusing while girls just stay at home.

Papa has the responsibility of earning money for the family while mother has to take care of the house.

School-

Our school doesn’t have girl students, girls and boys go to different schools.

Girls are taught by female teachers.

Even if both boys and girls study in the same school, they sit on different benches.

They have different toilets.

Girls are not allowed to sit or talk to boys.

Girls have long hairs and boys should have short hairs.

Public spaces-

There are more men in public spaces, owning shops.

Boys sit at one place and harasses girls

There are seats reserved for women in public spaces.

Friends-

Boys talk mostly about which girl is beautiful and hot, we bunk classes and roam around. We talk about sex among ourselves!

There was this one participant who insisted that his sister is given lot of attention in the house, she can do whatever she wants to, and she gets more money than him! I took this opportunity to inquire whether she is the one who cooks food along with mother or he does! His immediate answer was obviously his sister! This conversation proceeded with yet another question asking all the boys if they are told to cook food three times in a day for entire family for 20 years without any pavement how would they feel.

‘I would get bored!’

‘I won’t do that, why would I cook every time’

‘This is not fair! Don’t you think it’s wrong and you are not even paying me?’

In the next part of the session, through the picture activity we engaged on gender and sexual identities beyond the binary. The participants were taken aback and surprised by the discussion –

‘So how do we know that the person is transgender? How do we identify them?’

‘Why do hizras clap their hands, give blessing as a mean of earning money? Can’t they just do some job? ’

‘I think we have 4-5 kinnars in our school’

‘If someone is borne as kinnar, what must have gone wrong during their birth? Something their parents did or sex or did they eat something wrong?’

‘If a person is close to transgender or kinnar, do they also become kinnar? I am sure they become kinnar!’

‘In case of two girls or two boys having sex – how would they have a baby? Is it possible for them to have a baby?’

‘Do hizras have sex? Can they get pregnant? Do they have penis and if yes how long is that?’

‘I have heard that in Muslims during their night, the husband and wife stares at each other and that’s how wife gets pregnant’

This curiosity as to how we can identify a particular person based on gender or their sexuality; if someone is borne not as boy or girl there is something wrong about it and all weird stereotypes around them was addressed and engaged upon! We take this as a window to build conversations around different gender and sexual identities so that we don’t get trapped in these myths and alienate/discriminate people just because they don’t fall in the binary, also giving them an opportunity to learn and explore ways to lead life out of the society designed box.