'She is wife, it's her responsibility to fulfill her husband's desire consent or not!'

“I think we comment/ make fun of other people for example we use this term habsi for Africans or for people who have dark complexion because we think they are different from us!”

The session on ‘Gender based violence’ with the students of Government School, Dwarka seemed very tricky along with the fact that it is very crucial considering their opinion on stalking, sex, gender roles and consent!

The session began with the game of ‘Sheep and wolf’ giving a glimpse of what will be discussed in next 2 hours. Following this, few statements were read out upon which the participants have to share whether they think that this act comes under the category of violence or not! Interestingly because of previous sessions, most of them were quick to jump on the answer that yes this particular incidence comes under violence but upon discussion as to why they think it is violence – the answer was painfully gendered!

Commenting, molesting, stalking women on streets – does this comes under violence!

‘Yes, because we are doing this without the consent of the girl, she might feel uncomfortable’

‘Commenting – how does that come under violence. We do it just for fun, no one is actually physically harmed!’

‘Girls like it, they just don’t say it. You know they are shy but who doesn’t love attention?’

Many of them said some dialogues from Bollywood movies they have seen – taking cue from it we emphasized on the value of consent, and how their fun can practically ruin a girl’s life. Along with this, we also shared the laws against this sort of crime.

Participant: I totally understand consent. When I take my girlfriend out for fun, I ask for consent. I don’t think I do discrimination and I respect their will.

Me: What about your sister? Do you allow or stop your sister from going out?

Participant (his face was drained of all the color): Why would she go out with a boy? I don’t like this!

This just brought the duality that even our young generation is learning quickly contributing to gender inequality in the society.

Another interesting conversation was about verbal abuse, name calling and degrading words which are used in casual talks while we don’t really pay attention to their meaning. We were about to discuss on it – but before that two of the boys used slurs against each other right in front of us. Why? Because the other person didn’t want to shift from his seat. On asking why they used these words instead of politely asking one another, both of them didn’t had any answer instead they blamed each other. It’s not actually their fault for losing the temper that’s what they are seeing in their neighborhood, in their families and in school as well! To be polite or to listen to other is a big deal and it seems like this is some alien concept because using abuse comes very naturally to them. I actually dissected each abuse and explained the meaning of it which made them hang their heads in shame.

‘I don’t remember how I learnt it but I abuse because that’s the first thing that comes to my mind when someone fights with me or says something wrong’

‘I didn’t know that this abuse meant this! I use it for fun, everyone says it so I also started doing this.’

One of the most interesting and scary conversation happened on marital rape! Most of the boys didn’t agree that forcing oneself on their wife is violence or rape. The responses scared me as to what as society are we telling young boys!

‘She is wife, if she won’t have sex with husband then what she would do!’

‘This is her responsibility towards her husband, if she can’t fulfill her husband’s need what’s the point of marriage?’

Me: Why do two people marry?

Participant: ‘So that they get a wife who could cook food, take care of house and serve her husband!’

Me: So you marry with a girl for the services she offers? Not because you need a partner for your life?

Participant: of course with marriage comes the child who would carry the name of family?

Me: Do you think your father married your mother for the above things?

Participant: Nope! My dad would never do that, they got married for me!

Me: But you weren’t there when they got married.

This interesting cross questioning left them clueless, confused and pondering over the answers they had just delivered.

‘I think whether she is wife, or girlfriend or whoever – I guess if she doesn’t say Yes then it’s not right to touch her’