'Girls can study but are not allowed to do job while boys are made to study so that they can do job'

“My teacher out rightly refused to teach biology to girls”

‘All the questions of Mathematics are asked only to boys’

The session on ‘Gender’ began with a very interesting energizer of ‘Babble’ where in the participants were divided into pairs each having one girl and one boy – they were given rhyming words  and were asked to keep talking about the word till the sound of clap and then the other person does the same. I said interesting because even though the participants were participative, engaging and enthusiastic it seemed that something is holding them back, they are resisting to question and what is the best way to overcome that – an unfiltered flow of sentence which literally worked here.

Post this, a story of brother and sister was shared who used to be great friends when they were child. As they grew up, the brother started stopping her from going out, wearing jeans and kept tab of what she is doing and who she is hanging out with? The participants were asked why would brother do this and how would his sister feel about this behavior?

‘We stay with boys, we understand and engage in the conversations more often so we know what kind of thinking they have which is not really good! Plus the environment around us is scary and girls undergo physical changes so the way people look at them changes. This thought that something wrong might happen to them that’s why brothers become over protective for the good of their sister’

‘The kind of society we live in is not really safe for girls. People around us are cunning and anything bad can happen to girls especially in late evening or night that’s why we do what we have to do’

We then asked participants to raise their hands if they feel that brother’s behavior is right? Interestingly most of the girls raised their hands while boys were reluctant in raising their hands. Through chit activity, we engaged on gender roles and responsibilities establishing that apart from physical changes, any work could be done both by boys and girls!

Post this, the participants were invited to write ‘what does it mean to be a girl or boy’ for them-

‘You are a boy, so you should focus on your education, clear your exams get good marks! If you don’t get good marks then you no one will marry you to their daughter. I am sure not every time boys are wrong. To be a boy means lot of responsibilities, take care of your family, to respect girls, worry about parents, job and marriage’

‘I am a boy so I can roam around freely, be friends with anyone. I have to fulfill all responsibilities given to me. I have freedom to do whatever I desire for’

‘Being a boy means being responsible, you need to hear from father and mother. To be a boy means you have to excel in all subjects especially math, to dream about being an engineer, to be fit and have good physique’

‘I am a girl so I can’t stay outside late and can’t hang out with my friends whenever I wish to’

‘Our parents allow us to study as much as we want but doesn’t allow us to do job but for boys they make them study so that they can do job. Girls have to leave their homes once they get married- they are called paraya dhan. Being a girl means you can’t do what you want to or wish to. Simple things like wearing your choice of clothes, going out with friends is also restricted’

‘Being a boy means that I can make my own choices and decisions. There are no rules or restrictions on me. I can go anywhere without asking for permission’

‘I can’t be friends with boys or roam around because I am a girl’

‘The worst part about being girl is that whatever you do, however you behave you will never be good enough for your family. You would have to leave your family as if you don’t belong there’

One of the girl said, ‘I don’t know what to write. Can I write- if I was boy what all can I do?’ This one sentence depicts what being a girl means to her and many others!

‘If I were a boy, I would roam around late in the night all by myself and sometimes with friends. I could wear whatever clothes I want to wear.’

‘If I were a boy, then my parents won’t be asking so many questions’

One of the participants wrote the differences they see between girls and boys instead of writing what it means to be a girl or a boy!

Through the Chinese whispers and gender story, we engaged on gender and how we can challenge gender, norms and stereotypes to achieve our full potential as individuals and as society!

Post this, we came back to the story of brother and sister that we shared at the beginning of the session and asked the participants for their opinions-

‘I think keeping tab on sister or girls or asking them not to do things is not right, there could be a other way – a way that doesn’t restrict them just because she is a girl’

‘If I know that my sister can handle the situation, I would back off!’

It was this moment when the conversation on what does protecting girls or keeping them safe means? Why they need protection and can they handle situation on their own?

‘I don’t like all the restrictions being put on me. Is it my fault that I am a girl? I feel bad that anyone can interfere in my life. We have to ask for permission for everything as if I am wrong while my brother never even shares where he is going?’ This is why we really want to build these conversations in coed groups as it provides a platform for both the gender to share their perspectives, argue, engage, question and know their point of view! This is the best way to get to hear the judgments and debunk them just by engaging with each other.

‘I am tired of how girls always complain about not being allowed to go out. Just stop complaining and do something about it. Doesn’t it get boring talking about the same thing?’

‘If girls are subjected to so much violence, don’t you think we should train them or at least make them tough enough to face the heat?’

In the last part of the session, the participants were invited to discuss on the gender differences they experience or witness in their daily lives-

Home:

Girls are the ones who cook food and they are not allowed to go out of home.

Boys don’t listen to things that they are told, they give orders and use phone a lot

Girls take lot of photos especially selfies

Boys are given punishment more than girls

Girls spend lot of money on clothes and fashion

School:

Boys and girls are made to sit on different benches, in some school they have different sections for girls and boys.

Boys show off a lot in the school, they try to seduce more even teachers

Girls are not punished often because they start crying very easily

Boys never finish their homework. Most of the time they ask girls to do their homework

Boys are punished or thrashed even if it’s not their mistake.

Public space:

Girls have seats reserved in all the public transport

Boys always try to molest or harass girls taking advantage of crowd

Friends

Girls mostly talk about their families while boys talk about girls

Girls are shy while boys openly talk about anything

Girls judge people, they compare, get jealous easily and throw tantrums

Boys always think they are over smart so do whatever they feel like.

One of the interesting conversations happened around seats reserved in metro for girls. While the boys were not really happy about it, one of the girls explained the importance of it.

‘It’s so important to have women coach because even in broad daylight, boys try to touch girls inappropriately, fall on them and try to talk even if the girl is uncomfortable. It is useful also for girls who do job and have to come home late in the night. They feel safe in women’s coach rather than general coach!’

In order to grasp their understanding on gender, the participants were divided into groups and were given a situation on which they had to prepare a role play.

In the first play a boy is bullied by his fellow classmates. He tries to avoid the conflict but they keep troubling him. He goes to his home and started crying in front of his father. Interestingly the participants showed that his father consoles his son and ask him to report the incident to the teacher. The father was very supporting and debunks the stereotype that ‘boys shouldn’t cry’

In the next play, a boy wants to become chef but his parents are forcing him to do Government job. He keeps insisting that he would become a chef and their neighbor supports him. Finally his parents agree on his choice to be a chef.

Third play was very interesting where a girl has passed with brilliant marks and not she is all prepared to go to next class. However her family wants to get her married. She refuses to marry this early – the way the participant showed emotions and resistance was breath taking and mind blowing. If all the girls gather this strength they can get whatever they wish for! Her mother tries to lock her up but then bow down to her persistence.

But my favorite was the last one where there are two brother and sister, both of them are good in studies. The sister gets better marks then brother, both of them want to go to other city for further studies however their parents can only afford to send one. The conversation between parents was so beautiful, I can’t believe that 14-15 year old could be so thoughtful. The father agrees on sending his daughter because she got better marks, her mother points out the challenge which the girl would be facing like staying alone, boys might trouble her, how would she do her daily routine and she might not be safe to which her father replies that just like their son could manage their daughter will be able to do the same. I was stunned, surprised and was over the sky with this amazing play. And yes that’s how these adolescents will challenge the gendered environment in our society.