'I fight, I abuse and I don't look good - that's what the other boy would be thinking'

“I am sure he thinks all the bad qualities that I have! He might be thinking that I abuse a lot, smoke bidi and is very thin”

The 3^rd group of the participants from Government School are mixed group as few of them are sincere, pays attention and participate the other group abuses a lot, loves disrupting the session and does what they feel like; third are the ones who likes to keep to oneself though in small groups are very participative. Like every other group we have worked with, here too they sit close to their friends and interacts accordingly. So this session on body image and peer pressure would be a real challenge as it involves pairing up with the people whom you least interact with.

In the first activity, after choosing the partner they were asked to sit in silence for few minutes, post this they were invited to write ‘what do you think your partner thinks about your body and appearance’

‘He might be thinking that why do I fight with him’

‘He would be thinking wrong about me, that I am ugly or whether am I a good or bad boy’

‘He would be thinking that I eat everyone’s food that I am thief, I don’t study and am a beggar’

‘That I am thin, studious and short in height. I am sure he doesn’t have good opinion on me and thinks of me as less than him’

‘That I am short heighted, I am fat, smells bad, engage in bad things’

‘He doesn’t want to be my friend, but I wish we could sit together and never fight’

‘The person in front of me doesn’t like me, he might be thinking that I am very weak in studies that’s my section has been changed. He might be thinking that I don’t look good and also I engage in too many fights’

‘He might be thinking that I am not a good boy as I engage in too many fights’

‘This person might be thinking that what kind of boy am I? Am I a good boy, do I emotional side or also he might be wondering what I think about him’

‘My partner might be thinking how I am so intelligent in mathematics, how did I grow so tall, why don’t I cut my hairs as my hairs are everywhere and why do I have so many pimples on my face’

All of the reflections were not merely about their appearance but also about their conduct in general. It is interesting to understand this activity- though they are writing about what their partner thinks about them, but they don’t actually know this! This is exactly what they think about themselves consciously or unconsciously- many of them have written about engaging in fights and abuses, about not liking the words that are used for their appearances. On asking how did they feel while writing someone else’s opinion about themselves –

‘I was worried what would he be thinking about me since we hardly spoke’

‘I felt bad, I don’t understand why he would think all these bad things about me’

‘We always fight in the class, so I didn’t know how to behave when we were asked to sit down’

In the next part of the activity, the participants were divided into groups where they were asked to discuss on the questions related to body image, perfect appearances and would they want to change how they look?

Qualities of perfect boy –

‘Someone who has six pack abs, is handsome, should have muscles, stylish beard, tall and smart’

Qualities of perfect girl-

‘Beautiful, fit, shouldn’t be fat and height shorter than boys, fair, nice hairs, sexy and attractive body’

Few points that came out in discussion-

‘I wish to increase my height as people taunt and name call me because I am not as tall as others’

‘I was called habsi, kal bhairav etc. because of my dark complexion’

‘I am fat so I eat less food, want to go to gym to lose extra weight’

‘I exercise a lot, eat less food, and eat chana so that I become muscular and handsome’

With all these observations and example from a real life, we engaged on what is body image, what negative implications of it are and how it is important to understand your body and be okay with it especially during adolescence.

While engaging on peer pressure, we read out few statements on which participants have to either say Yes – if they have done what was said in the statement or No!

Most of the participants have lied to their parents, made girlfriend, left their girlfriend, bunked classes, smoke cigarettes and drank alcohol because of their friends. Almost everyone engaged in fights, abuse and left people because of their friend groups! The participants were invited to share ‘If they have done something in their life just because their friend wanted them to’

‘I have tried smoking, drinking alcohol and also did drugs’

‘I made a girlfriend, she was very pretty. But when my friend asked me to break up with her, I did it. Though I didn’t like it but I couldn’t say no to my friend’

‘We went to the river close to the other colony to have fun because my friend said so’