Engaging on positive mental health and well being with the students of Government School

“What I learnt from this workshop is what to do when I am not feeling okay or sad. I used to very confused, didn’t know what to do but now if I am upset, I know how to process it or what can work for me”

While we unanimously believe and emphasis on the importance of physical health and well-being, mental health is mostly neglected, taken for granted and conversations around it is stigmatized. In our households, society, schools we are told multiple times to be happy, not get angry or don’t be sad, there is really no space to allow young kids to process and share their thoughts, emotions and feelings. The situation is more grim during COVID-19 where the children are confined to their homes, can’t go to school, meet friends, play games and somehow parents are always there so if they don’t like something or get angry they have nowhere to go which is impacting their mental well-being in a very serious way. Also, what will you do or cope with stress, anger, irritation or loneliness when you don’t feel supported externally.

The session on ‘How are you feeling?’ with the adolescent students of Government school began with a simple meditation practice with deep breathing taking a moment for themselves and centering oneself. After writing about an experience where they felt sad, unhappy, upset or feeling overwhelmed we engaged on various coping mechanism they employ to get through hard times. Some very interesting anecdotes were shared

‘I go close to the nature’

‘Whenever I feel down, I try to remember memory of good times’

‘I go out and play with my friends’

‘I share my worries with my parents’

‘I think about my future and try to let go of bad feelings’

In the next part of the session, we provided them with various tools for coping with stressful situations. First being positive self-talk; here the participants were invited to share 5 good things about themselves. It was beautiful to see them write so religiously about things they like about themselves. To say these beautiful things about oneself loudly and remembering them during the stressful times could be very helpful.

This was followed by drawing, sketching or just writing a dream that you see for yourself uninhabited, without thinking or caring for anyone else – something for yourself. Every time you face an obstacle, you think about this dream and never give up. People, friends will come and go; parents may or may not support your dreams. It’s important to know that you have this precious life to live; your dream is bigger than anything else. You can do this.

Such beautiful, out of box dreams came up, none of them were expected or socially desirable dreams –

‘I love singing, so I want to become singer’

‘I love playing cricket, not a day goes by when I don’t play it. I want to play for Team India one day’

‘I want to be a scientist at ISRO’

Two of the students drew their dreams, very skillful and artistic. We took this moment to invite the participant who wishes to be singer one day to sing for us if he wants too! Wow, melodious is just an understatement for how amazing he sang.

Journaling is another very useful skill; diary is like a mirror and a friend who will always hear you. We invited participants to write about the best/most beautiful day of your life or would like to have a day like that! You can keep a diary which can be a mirror for you where you can write all good, bad things you are going through. This can be the first step in dealing with a difficult experience.

Since this was also our last workshop, we invited the participants to ask questions from any of the sessions conducted before along with this one.

“Do we feel irritated or frustrated because of these physical changes happening to us?”

“Will the discrimination against hijras ever end?”

“Parents keep telling us to work hard; many a times we do good things too but they remind us to do better. Is that really okay?”

“Will kinnar be always kinnar?”

During the last part of the workshop, we invited the participants to share their feedback around the sessions with us –

“I enjoyed all the activities they were fun, helped me to understand the things”

“I learnt that we must not discriminate people because of who they are or what they do. We should respect others and not judge them for their gender or from where they come from”

“I understood that we should not touch anyone inappropriately; that’s not okay! And if someone tries to abuse me, I should say No, run away from there and seek support from trusted adult”

“I learnt a lot of things about growing up that I didn’t know before, so many questions were answered”

These participants were amazing, open, honest and eager to learn new things. What a wonderful experience.

Conversations on sexuality with students: ‘This is what we usually see around us, in society’

 “It doesn’t matter what people think. Because if I like a person I would keep liking them even if others might not agree with it”

The conversation on the construct of gender would always be incomplete without talking about sexuality. It is important to debunk the gender binary system so that we can build understanding on gender and sexual identities beyond the normative of boy and girl, this conversation need to move forward.

The workshop on sexuality began with the ‘Normal Vs Not normal’ activity where we invited the participants to raise their hand if they find the said statements okay and normal according to them. The statements included ‘a boy likes a girl’; ‘a girl kisses another girl’ and so on. Their response was exactly similar to the societal norms where it is okay and normal for a boy to like, love and kiss a girl but if they are of same sex – it’s not normal. But what was interesting was the reasoning behind their responses.

‘This is what we usually see around us, in society’

‘Parents and teachers tell us that these things are wrong and bad manners’

‘It is considered wrong in our society so it’s not normal’  

The understanding that gender being confined to the definition of boy and girl and it is normal for a boy to be attracted to girl and vice versa and rest is not normal - comes from the society was the first breakthrough that came from the participants which actually set the tone for the rest of the session.

In the picture activity next, they were asked to segregate pictures into the box of men, women and if they are not able to place in these two boxes then place them in the next box. The participants were bewildered and appeared surprised to see the pictures. However I loved how spontaneous they were in sharing their responses. It was interesting to engage on each picture, sharing their uniqueness which promptly busted the very idea of gender binary.

Keeping this momentum, we build understanding on gender and sexual identities through photos, inviting them say the names loudly. They were curious, unsettled and amazed by so many identities that they have never heard of!

Taking this opportunity, we explored what is considered as normal and not normal; how our mindset of not normal is not okay and could be discriminatory. It is important to understand that people are subjected to extreme harassment and judgment because of their identities. Getting the right information is the first step towards challenging this discrimination. We don’t even know how much they go through, just imagine a young kid struggling or being curious for their identity amidst all this discrimination and ignorance – how their life changes or what they are subjected to and this treatment doesn’t stop because people and the society we live in refuses to educate themselves. That’s one reason for engaging on gender and sexual identities.  Lot of important conversations and questions came up –

‘Can you change penis through surgery?’

‘Can kinnars have sex?’

‘Do Muslims get their penis cut?’

We screened a short video post this discussion on transgender and invited them to share how they feel about it.

“But they have penis, how can this person be mother”

A very important question indeed. Isn’t it strange that motherhood is defined by which sex organ we are born with or by one’s gender! We talked about this in detail reminding them again that our gender doesn’t define us, doesn’t box us with what we want to do and don’t want to.

To grasp their understanding, we gave them 4 different situations. It was interesting to see how they knew that there are different sexual and gender identities and it is okay for people to express themselves. But in the situation where their friend comes to share that they might not like girls as other boys, they quickly turned into their helping mode. It was this part of this session where we engaged on the value of confidentiality and creating a safe space by taking this example. So if a friend comes to you and share something –you don’t have to help him until they ask for it; may be they just want you to hear them out. Since conversation around identities is stigmatized and frowned upon – they might just want to share how they are feeling, they trust you because they feel you won’t share it with another person let alone their parents and linking to this the person must have the choice to disclose their identity and you telling their parents would be like outing them which is not right.  

This was one of the most engaging session filled with meaningful and intriguing questions, curiosities and conversations that I have had in long time. What started with building understanding on different identities ventured into much more deeper aspects of sexuality. It was heartening to have this discussion with young minds.

“But the hijras they don’t have rights! Do you think they will get their rights and treated equally?”

Learning to challenge child sexual abuse with the students of Government School

“If something happens, bad touch or something like that, I will inform you. You are my trusted adult”

The rampant rise in the cases of child sexual abuse is alarming during COVID-19 and it becomes even more imperative to reach out to young kids and build understanding on what good touch and bad touch is and they can say NO to any touch which they feel is inappropriate.

With this objective, we conducted our fourth session on child sexual abuse with the adolescent students of Government school. The workshop began with the screening of short film ‘Komal’ by child line following a brief discussion around the video. It was beautiful to see how one of the participants narrated the entire story with the main crux of it.

This was followed by a presentation that dwelled elaborately on child sexual abuse beyond the concept of good touch and bad touch; various acts that come under child sexual abuse along with debunking many myths associated with CSA. One of the common myth being only girls are sexually abused and most of the abusers are men. Since this was all boys group, it was very important to emphasis that inappropriate touch can happen to anyone irrespective of their gender or sexual identities.

Following this we also build an understanding on POCSO Act 2012 so that they are well aware of the law that favors them, protects them and they can seek help of a trusted adult in times of crisis.

The next part of the workshop was extremely crucial, it is one thing to see the film and witness how a child can ask for help but it is another thing to seek help if the same things to oneself. ‘What can I do if someone touches me inappropriately?’ – We rehearsed three steps of challenging CSA again and again so that it is memorized and they would be okay to ask for help.

To create a safety action plan, we dwelled on who could be our trusted adult – who could that be person whom you can reach out to for support if you need help, who would listen to you and can take necessary action. The first answer mostly is ‘I have a friend’ and from here the discourse is build. Finally we prepare a list of people who could be counted as trusted adult. One of the most beautiful sharing from this session was when one of the participants counted as trusted adults. It’s a huge responsibility and at the same time it’s a moment of joy for us. To be able to build a safe space for adolescents while working on ground face to face is relatively easier and more personal but we are so glad that we could create safe space on a digital platform too! When a child feels safe, happy, included, curious enough to ask questions and share things with you – I guess that’s where we believe that our work is accomplished!

Another important thing we practiced was to say NO aloud many times! Though one would think why would boys need to do this? Because they are also vulnerable to child sexual abuse and secondly they too need to learn to challenge CSA. With beautiful smiles, content sighs and friendly gestures we closed the session.   

Debunking gender roles and stereotypes with the students of Government School

 “Don’t start crying for everything. Mummy, papa, neighbors and relatives keep reminding me from time to time that I am not supposed to cry because I am a boy. What I don’t understand is what I am supposed when someone hurts me or if I feel bad”

The session on gender is one of the most crucial aspects of our adolescent program which is heavily participative and activity based. Due to COVID-19, the session on gender had to be re imagined, rethought and designed from the very beginning. It took us a while to create an online version of gender session so that it retains its personal connect, participative and activity based nature.

The workshop began with two step photo activity wherein we explored the common notions of gender roles and responsibility; difference between sex and gender and how any work can be done by anyone irrespective of their gender identity as against what we see mostly around us.

This was followed by inviting the participants to share the messages they have received because they are a boy or girl –

“Boys get more freedom, they don’t have to ask for permission for doing things like playing games or going out”

“There is no restriction on us to study. In fact we are told to study hard so that we can earn money for our family by getting a good job”

“We are made to do lot of work, lifting heavy things, getting things from shops.”

“We are told different things at home, like I see women working in different places, men working as chef in hotels etc.”

Weaving story in form of presentation with pictures and questions was an interesting way to co-create gender story. Taking cues from the key messages, photo activity and gender story, we created a discourse on what gender is? How it affects our strength and capabilities and what could we do to debunk gender stereotypes and judgments. One of the important conversation was on STEM subjects and how girls are said to be not good in math and they should preferably take lighter subjects! To debunk this myth, we shared a real life narrative of the student who got less marks in Math but when she started working hard, got help passed with flying colors. Unfortunately when you are told again and again that you are not good enough or girls can’t do this etc. for prolonged time, they internalize it and it affects their ability.

This also led to one more important discussion on education and employment. So., girls are motivated to study arts or home sciences more because they would be married soon so they don’t have to go for higher studies or engage in competitive world of jobs. While boys have to study subjects like science and mathematics so that they can get high paying jobs, survive competitive world and earn money for their family.  

Another important conversation on ‘Women cook food at home while chefs are mostly men?’ A very important question asked by one of the participants. We took this opportunity to explain gender dynamics and social construct around job, so cooking is supposed to be women’s job at home and it is not paid but because it’s a paying job at hotel then it’s done by men! Secondly in hotels and restaurants, it is important to observe and understand which job is given to men and which one is assigned to women and you can actually see how that is also gendered. The participants were able to see through this tangled mesh of gender that leads to complicated assumptions, judgments, stereotypes and discrimination based on gender identity. 

In the last part of the workshop, we dwelled upon the gender difference that we observe in our homes and schools.

‘Women engage in household chores like cooking food, washing clothes, cleaning home and taking care of needs of family members’

‘Men are responsible for earning money’

‘Boys don’t have to do household chores, they have fun’

‘Girls are bound to home because they have to help their mothers for household chores’

‘School teachers are mostly men’

‘Punishment is very strict for boys’

‘Boys have to be strong so that they can do lifting work both at school and at home’

We were thrilled with the participation of the students. These young kids are engaging in the workshops for the first time and experience of using zoom application is new to them but the way they are engaging, asking questions, responding to the activities and interacting has infused so much energy in us! 

Deciphering sex, consent and socialization behind ‘Yes’ and ‘No’

“She would feel guilty and bad if he kissed her”

Why would someone talk to 13 year old on sex? Isn’t it an adult business? Why would you want to take away the innocence of the child? Isn’t it wrong? What if they get interested in having sex? They will learn all about it when they grow up, you don’t have to detail out things! There are so many questions and assumptions that arises by the mere mention of sex education. The intention of sex education, however is to provide them with the necessary information which would equip them to make better choices for their lives.

With this objective, we conducted our second workshop with adolescent students of Government School, Dwarka. The session began with collating thoughts, feelings and their understanding on the word sex. Most of them have heard this word in their science books as reproduction, asexual reproduction, among their friends and even on the roads.

To build understanding on ‘what is sex and how are babies borne?’ we screened a short film, where a 10 year old asks the same question to his father. It’s an interesting interpretation of what it feels to engage a young kid on sex while evading the societal norms with a hilarious twist. This was followed by another short video on condoms. With the help of the film, we also engaged on sexually transmitted diseases and masturbation.

Through a short story based on most common incidence in our lives, we invited participants to share how they would react if they were the girl in the story. Most of the conversations on sex education are limited to talking about what is sex, how sex is different from intercourse, pregnancy and ways to not get pregnant however ignoring or not addressing ‘consent’. With the understanding of consent or what it means to say Yes or no or may be or gestures associated with consent, the communication on sex is incomplete.

“I would give him a tight slap”

“She would think he is a wrong guy”

“She might complaint about him to teacher or elder or her parents”

“She would feel bad and ashamed”

Taking cue from these responses we enquired on ‘Do you think he should have asked before kissing the girl?’ We invited them to raise their hands if they think in the favor of the statement so that this physical gesture remains in their mind whenever they witness such a situation. Moving further we divulged into what messages young people get from media – ‘Hassi toh phassi’ ‘Ladhkiyon kit oh na mein hi haan hoti hai’ ‘Ladhkiyon sharmati hai aur wo chahti hai ki ladhke phela kadam le’ ‘Inhe toh patina padhta hai, phele nahi manti phir pursue karo toh maan jaati hai’

All these untrue and misleading dialogues we often hear in famous Bollywood movies from well-known actors leaves deep imprints in the mindsets of young people – they are sexist, misogynist and extremely patriarchal. The young minds accepts them with open arms without thinking or reflecting on them considering them cool. Second step in building understanding on consent was debunking such notions so that the so called entertainment no longer has power to deepen the roots of rudimentary and most dangerous system of patriarchy.

Thirdly, understanding the implication of touch, gesture and actions without actions. Quoting few examples from real life narratives like traveling in an overcrowded public transport, or someone known touching you without you liking it – how would you feel? That feeling is the impact of not having the choice to express No!

Lastly, understanding the socialization of children, young people in Indian context. From the very early childhood, girls are raised in certain ways and one of them includes saying Yes to everything because of which sometimes they don’t even know if they can say or express a ‘NO’ and this situation worsens in case of undesirable or unsafe touch while Boys are raised to just hear ‘Yes’ – they are not wired to hear ‘No’ as all things are made available to them; whatever they ask or whatever they want – they get it so when someone says No to them; their first reaction is ignoring it. They don’t hear it, see or understand it! This binary gendered way of upbringing is harmful and deteriorating and root cause of violence.

Lot of interesting questions came up during the workshop-

‘Is sex and reproduction same?’

‘Do people have to marry to have sex and children?’

‘What if we grow up into adults and still not want to have children?’

This set of participants are breeze of fresh air, they are curious, open to learning and very participative full of interesting questions.