“She would feel guilty and bad if he kissed her”
Why would someone talk
to 13 year old on sex? Isn’t it an adult business? Why would you want to take
away the innocence of the child? Isn’t it wrong? What if they get interested in
having sex? They will learn all about it when they grow up, you don’t have to
detail out things! There are so many questions and assumptions that arises by
the mere mention of sex education. The intention of sex education, however is
to provide them with the necessary information which would equip them to make
better choices for their lives.
With this objective, we
conducted our second workshop with adolescent students of Government School,
Dwarka. The session began with collating thoughts, feelings and their
understanding on the word sex. Most of them have heard this word in their
science books as reproduction, asexual reproduction, among their friends and
even on the roads.
To build understanding
on ‘what is sex and how are babies borne?’ we screened a short film, where a 10
year old asks the same question to his father. It’s an interesting interpretation
of what it feels to engage a young kid on sex while evading the societal norms
with a hilarious twist. This was followed by another short video on condoms.
With the help of the film, we also engaged on sexually transmitted diseases and
masturbation.
Through a short story
based on most common incidence in our lives, we invited participants to share
how they would react if they were the girl in the story. Most of the
conversations on sex education are limited to talking about what is sex, how
sex is different from intercourse, pregnancy and ways to not get pregnant
however ignoring or not addressing ‘consent’. With the understanding of consent
or what it means to say Yes or no or may be or gestures associated with
consent, the communication on sex is incomplete.
“I would give him a
tight slap”
“She would think he is
a wrong guy”
“She might complaint
about him to teacher or elder or her parents”
“She would feel bad and
ashamed”
Taking cue from these
responses we enquired on ‘Do you think he should have asked before kissing the
girl?’ We invited them to raise their hands if they think in the favor of the
statement so that this physical gesture remains in their mind whenever they
witness such a situation. Moving further we divulged into what messages young
people get from media – ‘Hassi toh phassi’ ‘Ladhkiyon kit oh na mein
hi haan hoti hai’ ‘Ladhkiyon sharmati hai aur wo chahti hai ki ladhke
phela kadam le’ ‘Inhe toh patina padhta hai, phele nahi manti phir
pursue karo toh maan jaati hai’
All these untrue and
misleading dialogues we often hear in famous Bollywood movies from well-known
actors leaves deep imprints in the mindsets of young people – they are sexist, misogynist
and extremely patriarchal. The young minds accepts them with open arms without
thinking or reflecting on them considering them cool. Second step in building
understanding on consent was debunking such notions so that the so called
entertainment no longer has power to deepen the roots of rudimentary and most
dangerous system of patriarchy.
Thirdly, understanding
the implication of touch, gesture and actions without actions. Quoting few
examples from real life narratives like traveling in an overcrowded public
transport, or someone known touching you without you liking it – how would you
feel? That feeling is the impact of not having the choice to express No!
Lastly, understanding
the socialization of children, young people in Indian context. From the very
early childhood, girls are raised in certain ways and one of them includes
saying Yes to everything because of which sometimes they don’t even know if
they can say or express a ‘NO’ and this situation worsens in case of
undesirable or unsafe touch while Boys are raised to just hear ‘Yes’ – they are
not wired to hear ‘No’ as all things are made available to them; whatever they
ask or whatever they want – they get it so when someone says No to them; their
first reaction is ignoring it. They don’t hear it, see or understand it! This
binary gendered way of upbringing is harmful and deteriorating and root cause
of violence.
Lot of interesting
questions came up during the workshop-
‘Is sex and
reproduction same?’
‘Do people have to
marry to have sex and children?’
‘What if we grow up
into adults and still not want to have children?’
This set of
participants are breeze of fresh air, they are curious, open to learning and
very participative full of interesting questions.
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