Conversations on sexuality with students: ‘This is what we usually see around us, in society’

 “It doesn’t matter what people think. Because if I like a person I would keep liking them even if others might not agree with it”

The conversation on the construct of gender would always be incomplete without talking about sexuality. It is important to debunk the gender binary system so that we can build understanding on gender and sexual identities beyond the normative of boy and girl, this conversation need to move forward.

The workshop on sexuality began with the ‘Normal Vs Not normal’ activity where we invited the participants to raise their hand if they find the said statements okay and normal according to them. The statements included ‘a boy likes a girl’; ‘a girl kisses another girl’ and so on. Their response was exactly similar to the societal norms where it is okay and normal for a boy to like, love and kiss a girl but if they are of same sex – it’s not normal. But what was interesting was the reasoning behind their responses.

‘This is what we usually see around us, in society’

‘Parents and teachers tell us that these things are wrong and bad manners’

‘It is considered wrong in our society so it’s not normal’  

The understanding that gender being confined to the definition of boy and girl and it is normal for a boy to be attracted to girl and vice versa and rest is not normal - comes from the society was the first breakthrough that came from the participants which actually set the tone for the rest of the session.

In the picture activity next, they were asked to segregate pictures into the box of men, women and if they are not able to place in these two boxes then place them in the next box. The participants were bewildered and appeared surprised to see the pictures. However I loved how spontaneous they were in sharing their responses. It was interesting to engage on each picture, sharing their uniqueness which promptly busted the very idea of gender binary.

Keeping this momentum, we build understanding on gender and sexual identities through photos, inviting them say the names loudly. They were curious, unsettled and amazed by so many identities that they have never heard of!

Taking this opportunity, we explored what is considered as normal and not normal; how our mindset of not normal is not okay and could be discriminatory. It is important to understand that people are subjected to extreme harassment and judgment because of their identities. Getting the right information is the first step towards challenging this discrimination. We don’t even know how much they go through, just imagine a young kid struggling or being curious for their identity amidst all this discrimination and ignorance – how their life changes or what they are subjected to and this treatment doesn’t stop because people and the society we live in refuses to educate themselves. That’s one reason for engaging on gender and sexual identities.  Lot of important conversations and questions came up –

‘Can you change penis through surgery?’

‘Can kinnars have sex?’

‘Do Muslims get their penis cut?’

We screened a short video post this discussion on transgender and invited them to share how they feel about it.

“But they have penis, how can this person be mother”

A very important question indeed. Isn’t it strange that motherhood is defined by which sex organ we are born with or by one’s gender! We talked about this in detail reminding them again that our gender doesn’t define us, doesn’t box us with what we want to do and don’t want to.

To grasp their understanding, we gave them 4 different situations. It was interesting to see how they knew that there are different sexual and gender identities and it is okay for people to express themselves. But in the situation where their friend comes to share that they might not like girls as other boys, they quickly turned into their helping mode. It was this part of this session where we engaged on the value of confidentiality and creating a safe space by taking this example. So if a friend comes to you and share something –you don’t have to help him until they ask for it; may be they just want you to hear them out. Since conversation around identities is stigmatized and frowned upon – they might just want to share how they are feeling, they trust you because they feel you won’t share it with another person let alone their parents and linking to this the person must have the choice to disclose their identity and you telling their parents would be like outing them which is not right.  

This was one of the most engaging session filled with meaningful and intriguing questions, curiosities and conversations that I have had in long time. What started with building understanding on different identities ventured into much more deeper aspects of sexuality. It was heartening to have this discussion with young minds.

“But the hijras they don’t have rights! Do you think they will get their rights and treated equally?”