Me: Do you see any
difference between girls and boys in the public spaces?
Boy: Girls get so many privileges
didi. There are seats reserved for them in buses and metros. They have a
separate coach in metro and they still get seats reserved in other coaches.
They listen to music and travel in so much comfort.
Girl: When we travel in
crowded bus or metro, many people around us try to take advantage of us. Boys
tend to fall purposely, try to touch at various places inappropriately and feel
us. I am so scared to travel in public transport.
The session began with
the energizer introduced by the participants – ‘number and join the party’ with
this game we saw how boys and girls were gelling instead of locking horns!
This was followed by
chit activity where the participants discussed and argued on the roles and
responsibility of the men and women! Giving examples from household scenario to
what they see around themselves; boys insisted that lifting heavy things,
welding, and electricity work comes under the men but as the discussion
proceeded they all agreed that except for body changes and private parts,
everything can be done by both boys and girls. An interesting conversations
happened on cooking food which left participants confused – as in homes, mostly
girls’ cook food however in big hotels, the food is cooked by chefs who are
primarily men. Through this example, the major mindset block that cooking is
just for girls shattered without facilitator uttering a word.
In the next part of the
session, the participants were invited to share three key messages they have
received because they are boy or girl –
“Because I am a boy, I
am told not to wear suit salwar, keep my hairs short and play outside and not
sit at home like girls”
“Speak slowly, don’t
raise voice, and don’t roam around in late nights and wear proper clothes”
“You shouldn’t play
with boys, stay away from them and wear full clothes”
“Boys shouldn’t cry,
mard ko dard nahi hota and boys are very powerful”
“We are asked to learn
and do all the household chores; not allowed to don chores that involve going
out and we can’t make boyfriends”
“We are told to keep
our hairs long, can’t wear clothes of our choice and have to wear dupatta
everywhere”
“Even if I don’t want
to go out to play, I am forced to go out”
“Girls are told to
behave nicely and not jump around”
“I am told not to use
phones and talk to people”
“Mummy tells me not to
do make up and dressed up as I want to”
“My parents tell me not
to go far away from home”
“Nobody scolds boys
even if they roam around during night, they don’t have to ask for permission.
We have to ask for permission for everything, we are not even allowed to spend
time with our friends”
Through the game of Chinese
whispers and gender story we engaged on understanding what gender is, how it
plays a role in restricting your capabilities, dreams and desires and we can
challenge it to achieve our full potential and lead a better life.
Following this, the
participants were asked to share the gender differences they see in their daily
lives-
Home:
Most of the household
chores like cooking, washing clothes and cleaning house is done by women while
the men in the house has to earn money for running the house.
All the most decisions
are taken by father/elder men.
Boys roam around and do
whatever they wish to.
School:
Separate schools for
girls and boys
Boys are beaten by
sticks and are punished more.
If it is a Co-ed
school, the number of girls in the class is more than boys
Boys bunk classes
easily and more often
Most of the time, women
are the teachers
Mostly it’s the boy who
is the monitor of the class
The timings for school
varies – for girls it will always be morning and for boys – it will be
afternoon.
Friends/leisure:
Girls don’t like making
boys as their friends
The conversations in
the girl’s group includes sharing of feelings, what happened in school or in
home while in boys group they talk about sports, politics, discuss about girls
and many a times tease or comments on girls as well
Public spaces:
Girls do more fashion
in public spaces.
You can find more
number of boys in park then girls
Women have separate
seats in public transport.
In the last part of the
session, we talked about different gender and sexual identities. It was interesting
to know that the participants were kind of aware about them but they didn’t
know the particular name and were confused as to how someone can be not boy or
a girl.
“Why do hizras ask for
money? Can’t they do job?”
“There is this person
in my community who looks like girl but is always dressed up as boy. She has
mannerism too like a boy”
“We have few people in
our school who don’t identify as boys. I have seen other students making fun of
them”
“So, hizras can’t have
baby? Can they have periods?”
“I understand what you
said but how will two boys have sex and how will they have a baby?”
“How will parents react
if someone comes to know their child is kinnar”
“How are Transgenders
borne? Does something happen to their parents during sex or some disease?”
“Can a boy marry
another boy? Won’t it be weird?”
And these questions
paved the way for more understanding and accepting that people exist beyond
gender binary.
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