'How do we know which gender or sexual identity is right and which is wrong?'

“Didi which of these gender or sexual identity is right? How do we know who is who?”

The session on sexuality began with the game of ‘ulta pulta’; each energizer that we do in these sessions bears an importance with respect to the conversations that would happen in the 2 hours. There are two aspects of this game – while we are adolescents we usually wish to do exactly opposite to what we are instructed and secondly this session is about debunking gender binary that we are told right from our childhood.

In the first part of the session, we engaged on ‘Judgment circle’ activity where the participants had certain identity pasted on their back. Post the activity, we invited the participants to share how they felt after hearing things about the identity pasted on their back –

‘I felt bad because someone said that no one will ever be my friend’

‘I was so sad and wondered if this particular person would hear this how would he or she feel’

‘I felt miserable, I got to know that my identity was kinnar and no one would want to speak to me’

‘This is worst feeling. I don’t think I would ever be comfortable sharing my things here as someone said bad things about my family’

‘I was told that you have harmed family’s honor, no one will marry me’

The idea behind the activity was to bring them face to face with the judgments. This is part of us, most of the time we never get this space to address the judgments buried inside us and if that doesn’t come on surface the rawness the real self would never come up; to express all this and bring authenticity it’s important to dig deeper and only when we know judgments then we can challenge them.

Through the picture activity and detailed chart paper we engaged on how gender identity is not restricted to mere being a girl and boy it is much more than that and what actually is sexuality! The participants seemed intrigued and so we were bombarded by lots of questions –

‘Do Kinnar have periods?’

‘How do boys and boys have sex?’

‘Can gays marry?’

‘Do kinnar also engage in sex and get pregnant’

‘It’s not necessary that girl’s fall in love, they might not be interested in love and sex’

‘How is it possible that a girl love other girl?’

‘Why do kinnar take away someone’s child who is also a kinnar? I have read an article where the parents didn’t want to send their child but kinnars took the child forcefully’

One of the conversations went in loop as to how these kids are born the ones who didn’t fit into gender binary! One of the participants asked, “Was there some problem with the parents? Or something went wrong while they were having sex so a transgender is borne? There has to be reason” We took this opportunity to engage in the fact that why we think being borne as boy or girl is normal and other than that as problem or unnatural. This conversation was very crucial in order to normalize all gender and sexual identity.

‘Do you think there is something different about their genetic pattern or hormonal imbalance that’s why they are borne as kinnar or transgender?’

To get a hold of their understanding we gave participants situations on which they had to design and enact a role play. In the first role play, the boy shares with his friend confusion about attraction for boys. His friend doesn’t believe at first but when he understands he leaves him in anger. The participant beautifully acted about his vulnerability on figuring out that he is not attracted towards girls but likes boys instead.

In the second role play, one of the boys used homophobic slurs towards another person. His friends try to stop him but he doesn’t care. Then one of the person from his friend group explains how derogatory it is to use these identities as slurs.

One of my favorite play was where a boy goes to propose a girl, she refuses and he gets disheartened. On the other hand this girl likes another girl and they share intimate moments in the school. The boy complains about their behavior to the Principal. The way the head of the school handles the situation was commendable. The way he addresses the girl while respecting and acknowledging her sexuality left me amazed. If only our older generation has 10% of this compassion and understanding no one would have to struggle to find comfort in the society.

It’s so beautiful to see these participants express themselves uninhibited, learning things and trying to change the narratives fill my heart with so much hope.