Let’s talk about six pack abs, gyming and friendships!

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you look into the mirror? Do you stop by and say you look incredible, beautiful or handsome! May be not – why? because we end up comparing ourselves with the standard norms of being beautiful and end up saying – ‘I need to reduce this extra fat from my belly’ ‘ I should may be join gym’ ‘I should that new cream, it could lighten my skin or that shampoo which can make it more bouncy’ and many others! This idea of not being comfortable with one’s body starts from adolescence, it becomes crucial to address considering it may lead to not just physical hazards but also cause self-esteem issues!

The session on ‘Body image and peer pressure’ with the students of 8^th A began with an activity ‘What might he/she be thinking about my body?’ Following are some of things participants wrote on the same lines-

“He might be thinking that I am a terrible boy, my hairs are dirty and my face doesn’t look good”

“He might be thinking that I am blind as I can’t see things with clarity. Also I am very thin”

“He might be thinking that my hairs are very short, I am fat, mental and not fair in comparison with him.”

“He is black, has very less hairs and very thin”

“I am very short in height, thin, dark skinned and not handsome”

“He must be thinking that I don’t look good and he is pretty handsome”

On asking as to how does it feel to write about yourself from other’s point of view makes you feel, one of them said, “What if he really feels like this about me? Am I that ugly?”

In the next activity, the participants were divided into groups of 4 wherein they were asked to discuss on few questions and then present it in the larger group.

The qualities of an ideal girl – Should be beautiful, very fair, great figure, sexy, long and silky hairs and must wear good clothes.

The qualities of an ideal boy- Six pack abs, healthy, someone like a body builder, rough and tough, smart, must be rich, fair, impressive hairstyle.

From where have you heard about these qualities – Friends, television, I heard about what is a good girl from my family, advertisements.

Almost everyone agreed on being teased and taunted for their body shape, color and height. Many of them also admitted that they tease other boys for their body weight and color. Most of them wanted to change their body – wanting to build six pack abs through gyming and dieting, change color and height.

‘I guess my body is perfect, I go to gym, do exercise and eat as I am told!’

Me: Why do you need six pack abs?

Participants in chorus: Sex pack abs make girls swoon, they are easily impressed by good looks, to protect my future wife and girlfriend, to look stylish, to show off and others.

There was only one participant who said, “I want to go to gym to be fit and healthy, to be in shape. I do exercise on those machines installed in the park and play games.”

This was followed by sharing of a real life story of a boy and his obsession with gyming that almost cost him his life. The participants who are otherwise very chatty were listening very intently and seemed quite affected by the story.

Building on the activities done and the story shared, we engaged on what exactly do we understand by perfect body, what it means to look good, when we don’t have that perfect body then what happens and being affected by other’s opinions and notions  and taking extreme measures to achieve that body sums up ‘Body Image’

In the next part of the session; through various statements like I say yes for every plan my friends make so that they are not upset; I have bullied or insulted or made fun of others because of my friends etc. we engaged on the friendship behaviors and patterns of the participants. All the participants have agreed to their friend’s plans so that they are not angry, lied to their parents, bunked classes, involved in fights, made girlfriend because of friends!

Then we invited them to share their stories where they did something because of the pressure of friend rather than their will.

One of the participant admitted to stealing food, many of them accepted to have tried smoking cigarettes, hukkas and even alcohol and teasing girls. With these examples coming directly from the participants, peer pressure was defined. 

Apart from the issues discussed, we were hearing lot of things – like participants abusing each other over very trivial things; during one of the activity one of boy said, ‘tu kya ladhki hai jo tujhe chedunga!’; one of the terrible lines were ‘Ladhkiya ladhko ko fansa deti hai!’; another participant mocked one of the boys by saying, “Why would he enjoy the session of sex education as if it would be of any use of him” and certain incidences of bullying. We had two options- one either to ignore these since they don’t directly come under the topic of discuss or deal with it right there. We chose the latter, these statements were scary and intimidating coming from 13 year olds – these are the messages of society that we keep hearing on and off and hence this was an opportunity not only to debunk these messages but support the boys to become better individuals. 

And the discussion really paid off and this was the point when we decided to have another session added to our program ‘Masculinity and Gender based violence’