“I am not feeling okay
because why would he think so low about me?”
This idea that I don’t
look good enough, I need to change myself to fit in so that people accept me –
where is this exactly coming from? Granted we see television, hear from people
around us, our peers but this feeling that the others might be thinking that my
body is not perfect, I am too fat or too thin and so on being crowding you can
be devastating and dangerous. How do we decide which size of waist is perfect,
or having six pack abs means you are handsome, or being fair makes you beautiful
– these messages comes from society- from us, so it’s important to have these
conversations to debunk the idea of ‘beauty’.
‘My hairs are dirty and
face is not good’
‘Why I don’t grow
taller?’
‘He must be thinking that
I am too fat and I look older than my age’
‘He must be thinking
that I am ugly, my hairs are dull, doesn’t shine and I am dark skinned’
‘That I am slim and
handsome’
‘My hairs are bad, I have
pimples, have dark skin and worst in studies’
‘He must be thinking
that my eyes are disoriented, black face, and that I am not his friend’
‘That I am short, very
thin and have rumpled hairs’
‘He must be thinking
that my penis is small and god knows what all!’
‘That I am ugly, have
hairs like bird’s nest and dwarf’
‘That I am very fat,
dirty hairs, must have put up colors in hairs and face is also fat’
On asking, how did they
feel while writing about their partner’s perception about their body?-
‘If what I have written
is true that it pisses me off and I would want to hit him’
‘It feels bad to write
this, makes me feel as if I am ugly!’
‘Is he actually
thinking what I have written?’
These sharing indicate
strong body image issues with the participants because they all wrote negative
things about their body in light of what their partners would be thinking- this
may or mayn’t be true. This is deep down in them that they don’t look good,
there is something wrong or missing in them and hence it’s more about one’s own
perception! As the word itself says it’s an image or perception and that’s not
a reality.
Post this; the
participants were divided into groups of 4 where they were asked to engage on
certain questions related to perfect body of boy and girl-
Perfect boy- Must have
good face, good hairs, fit body, broad chest, heavy muscles, good height, six
pack abs, fair, handsome, body builder, and shaped beard. He should be like an
actor (name not mentioned)
Perfect girl- Beautiful,
long hairs, must have clear face, no pimples, sexy, hot, fair, cultured, good
height, slim waist, charming face, chikni, heavy bust, perfect figure,
pleasant smile and fit body. She should be like a princess.
From where did you
learn about this? – Television, advertisements and films.
‘I have been mocked
because of my weight – I was told that I occupy too much of seat and am too fat’
‘People just shout fat,
mota and go away!’
‘I have been mocked
about my height that I am too short’
‘I don’t think my body
is perfect, I wish to go to gym and build my body, have six pack abs to look
presentable’
‘I wish to increase my
height’
‘I did dieting to lose
weight and do some exercise’
This was followed by
sharing the story of a boy who engaged in gyming at very early age and end up
risking his life to build his body. The story was told in step by step in order
to cover the vast spectrum that led to him doing what he did – so how did he
get the notion of having a perfect body – influenced by television then
included in his life, because of his physique he attracted lot of attention,
many people became his friends, girls were hovering around! He was riding high
on popularity and how his life goal became restricted to having a perfect body!
This changing of lifestyle in such extreme measure moved him towards his almost
death. Through this story and all these observations, the concept of body image
was explained. The boys who are usually very loud and noisy, were scared, some
of them had tears and pain was visible on the faces because of the story.
In the next part of the
session, we engaged in the game of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ for certain statements to
understand peer relationships. They have lied to their parents, bunked classes,
indulged into fights, made girlfriend, brought new clothes, made friends or
ignored people because of their friends! Then the session was opened to the
participants to share stories where they felt pressured by their friends to do
something that they didn’t wish to do.
‘There is this boy in
our class, very obedient and studious – one day he was absent from the class.
He went with his friend to some bridge in Palam. After that he kept
disappearing from the class. The teacher was annoyed so one day when he came,
teacher scolded him and asked him to bring his father to the class. He didn’t
do it so was scolded again. Finally we came to know that he didn’t really
wanted to bunk but his friend was blackmailing him to go out again and again –
on not doing as said, the friend would tell his father.’
Most of them admitted
to engage in smoking, drinking, hukkas, and even trying drugs because of their
friends. It seemed that for them it was part of life to engage in teasing and harassing
girls on streets. With all these examples, peer pressure and its impact on life
was explained.
Since we have been
engaging on their behaviors constantly that may or may not fall into the
categories of topics we deal in respective workshops, few more observations
were made. Their constant use of abuses, the way they hit each other on small
things – we decided to include these in terms of agreements to be followed in
the workshop along with explaining the relevance of same in their real lives.
Secondly, there is this
boy who loves singing and has been asking that if he could sing before the
session starts or post session. Before he could start singing, other
participants started commenting and making fun of him and that made him sad. In
spite of this debacle, he sang a beautiful song and enthralled the audience. To
be able to do what you like in the space where everyone is judging you it is
commendable and show amazing resilience.
After this, one of the
students came up and said that he and the other student used to sing together
but then teacher asked him to focus on studies so he left music! But the boy
who sang the song came up and said they could get back to singing if the other
wants to. This particular set of students have very different energy, they are
slowly opening up, it seems that they find it difficult to share their feelings
but with each session they are building the courage and are able to trust the
space to open their heart! And this makes me so happy that they look forward to
the sessions not just because of the things they can learn but also to a space
where they can share without feeling judged, ashamed or embarrassed.
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