“When girls are with
their friends, they speak about what happened in home or school while boys
smoke, talk about dirty things and harasses girls along with their friends”
The session on ‘gender
and sexuality’ with girls began with the introduction of the agreements that
need to followed in the session along with how they are very well relevant in
the real life too. Through the chit
activity, the participants explored the social norms and stereotypes that
instruct roles and responsibility based on one’s gender. At the end of the
activity, there was no one in the line of boys, 2 in the lines of girls – being
pregnant and having periods and rest of them being in the queue that says this
work can be done by both boys and girls.
“This means that boys
don’t do anything!”
“Girls can do
everything plus there are things that only we can do”
“This makes me so happy”
The smiles, proud grin
and surprised look on their faces was pure sight as they understood that they
can do anything as against to whatever is being told to them constantly or what
they see in the society. In the next activity, the participants were divided
into groups of 4 where they were asked to share ‘3 messages they have received because
they are girls?’
‘When we come home late
in night, we are always told to come home early because we are girls’
‘Don’t go to parties –
you are a girl, should stay at home’
‘If we talk to boys for
a while then we are told not to speak to them as we are girls’
‘We are asked to wear
clothes that are meant for girls’
‘When we go out with
friends that include boys and girls both, my mother always say that you should
go out only with girls as you are a girl’
‘I love wearing shorts
but my parents tell me not to wear those’
‘I am always told to
stay at home and do household chores instead of playing outside’
‘Don’t scream, talk
loudly, don’t roam around, avoid sour food, do household chores, use chunni and
wear suit salwar’
‘Stay in home, cook
food, clean house, grow your hairs long, talk less, don’t wear short clothes,
don’t engage in fashion’
‘Girls should behave
properly and learn to be like girls’
‘Girls should be
careful when they go out’
‘Seedhe jana seedhe
aana’
‘Don’t stare at boys,
don’t fall into the traps of boyfriend and girlfriend and don’t speak to
strangers’
‘Don’t go on the road
where lots of boys are standing, stay away from boys during periods, never pass
across the empty lanes’
‘You should tell
everything in the phone, don’t do any gestures at boys and don’t see random
things on mobile phones’
‘My grandparents love
my brother more and they don’t love me’
‘If you are alone at
home, never open the doors for anyone else than parents’
‘Don’t make excuses for
household chores, just do as you are asked’
‘You should never go
out alone, don’t talk loudly and don’t get angry’
‘You should sit
properly, fold your legs and girls don’t sit or sat with their legs open’
‘Girls are not allowed
to study more, in some places they are prohibited from going to schools’
‘Girls shouldn’t argue
with boys’
‘Don’t put make up when
you go out and don’t go out without permission’
‘Don’t roam around with
hairs open, keep your hairs tied up’
‘Shouldn’t bad mouth or
engage in fighting’
‘You shouldn’t go to
men’s washroom and can’t go to boys school’
‘You shouldn’t laugh in
front of boys’
‘You should be careful
of boys while traveling in bus.’
‘I used to love having
short hairs but my parents told me to grow hairs’
‘Boys do drugs but
girls can’t’
I am not surprised but
hearing these messages are very painful – 12-13 years old are restricted n
every possible way because they are girls in terms of how they can stand, sit,
talk to whom, timing when they can go out or not, their clothes, their voice
and every possible aspect of their life in the fear of what could happen to
them! It infuriates me and make me always question the kind of world we are
living in and is this actually what we say when we call ourselves as citizens
of Free India?
With the help of
Chinese whispers and gender story, definition of gender was explained. Taking
this opportunity we also divulged into the STEM stereotypes and choice of
subjects post 10th class because that is highly depended on one’s
gender especially in case of girls. It was also important to emphasize that
whenever a girl is denied an opportunity or told things to do or not – it’s not
because they are incapable or doesn’t have caliber but because you are a girl
and that has nothing to do with your capacities. You can do whatever you feel
like irrespective of you being girl or boy!
This was followed by
the discussion on the gender differences that we see in homes, public spaces,
school and friends –
Home-
‘All the household chores
are done by my mother and outside work by father’
‘Whenever a guest comes
to homes, girls do all the serving of water, tea and snacks’
‘If brother and sister
are sitting in the home doing nothing, parents would never say anything to the
brother but will always taunt the girls and ask them to do something or anything’
School –
‘If we study in co-ed
schools, then girls won’t be able to share freely. We would be too shy and
uncomfortable’
‘Boys are allowed to
play tough sports while girls are given easier sports to play or indoor games’
‘There are separate
bathrooms for boys’ and girls’
Public spaces –
‘More of male
shopkeepers in the market’
‘Women don’t go out
much’
The third sentence was
very conflicting for me – ‘In the public transports, women are given more
seats.’ This statement is not actually correct logically but that just reflects
that girls are so used to lack of opportunities that whenever they are given
small privileges like particular seats in buses or metro – they don’t respect
it, sees this as discrimination against the other gender. This is so
disappointing and this is same as what young women say! How do we go from here?
To actually change the current scenario of gender discrimination- it is
important to make boys realize that they have privileges because they are boys
and girls need to educated that when given opportunity please take it and it
has to be worked both ways to bring much needed social change.
In the next part of the
session, we explored gender and sexual identities beyond the societal norms of
being girl or boy. The girls were intently listening and it didn’t really surprise
them except for the names of the identities – they were curious and full of
questions.
‘Ohh I always wondered
why one of the bhaiya wears clothes that are for girls and put on makeup. He
looked really pretty’
‘Are transgenders borne
this way or they become like this?’
‘Why do hizras clap so
loudly and ask for money?’
‘Can hizras become
pregnant?’
‘How do lesbians have
sex? Can they get pregnant?’
‘How do we know who is
transgender, gay or lesbian? Do they look different?’
‘They are very less in
number?’
‘Why are girls
attracted to girls and boys to boys? How is that possible?’
It was this moment,
where we also engaged on sec 377, what the law says and how it was abolished
last year by Supreme Court. It was very crucial to have conversations on
various identities so that this discomfort that comes when you don’t know and
end up discriminating them without valid reasons can be challenged – the whole
concept of what is normal and natural to be dismantled was the highlight of the
session on ‘gender and sexuality’
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