I can do whatever I feel like because I am a boy!

The session on ‘Gender and sexuality’ with the second set of students from Government School began with the context setting for the next 2 hours as to prepare them for the activities and discussion ahead. 

In the first activity, the participants were given chits where certain role, job or work was mentioned – they were invited to form two different queues based on their answer whether they believe this work is done mostly by girls or boys; clearly the line of the boys was longer than the girls! In the next part of the activity – the question was twisted that resulted in no participant in the boy’s line, 2 in girls and rest in the third line! It is always fascinating to see this huge queue that says all work can be done by both boys and girls – this was also evident from the surprise on the faces of participants. 

Two very important things stood out during this activity: Unlike the first set of boys, in this the boy that got the chit of ‘being pregnant’ was not teased or mocked, he looked unaffected and he was not bothered that this if for girls so the gendered mindset that talks about certain work to be done by boys and some by girls was challenged in the most calm way; also the fact he was proudly holding the chit says a lot because I have seen boys getting irritated and angry when they are asked to do something that is supposed to be girl’s work and I was so happy seeing this development. Secondly a boy asked very interesting question -

‘You said that there is nothing exclusive that boys can do while girls have periods and get pregnant. But then men do give sperms so even we contribute if not much’

The next activity of ‘3 key messages received for being boy or girl’ was a huge surprise for us as nothing of this sort has ever happened in the 3 years of our gender work. The participants were not able to write messages; it could be interpreted in two ways. One that the activity bombed which is not the case as it is one of the most easiest and fruitful activity recent proof being the outcome that we have received from other two set of participants we are engaging in the same time period; secondly the way one of the participants said, “I can do whatever I can and whenever I want. Nobody has ever stopped me” clearly states the fact that they haven’t experienced any resistance or restriction because they are boys! This brings out the clear gender divide that exists in the society. 

‘I am a boy and can go out anywhere alone’

‘I can fight with anyone, do body building’

‘I will drink alcohol or smoke or do drugs’

‘You need to study hard so that you can get a job when you grow up’

‘Don’t roam around with girls and don’t do the work that is supposed to be done by girls.’

‘You are a boy so you shouldn’t play with girls’

Through the game of Chinese whispers and gender story, the concept of gender was explained bringing out the point that it is something that is instructed by the society so it could be challenged and changed.

In the next part of the session, we engaged on gender and sexual identities along with going in depth of what sexuality really means? The participants were really curious and bubbling with questions. 

‘You said that Hizras cut their penis? Even Muslims do that so what is the difference’ while answering this question we also talked about the slang and how inappropriate it is to use it.

‘So, how do Transgender do things?’

‘Does that mean they can’t do anything?’

They were concerned and alarmed as to how people who don’t identify as boy or girl sustain in the society considering they would be discriminated at every step. This was one of the objectives of the session as when we are not aware about certain things – we tend to throw judgments, make mockery and show our superiority but when we get to know the reality – the scenario changes and that could actually help in building more equitable society.

‘Why are they less in number?’

‘Do gay or lesbians look different than us?’

‘I get scared when I see kinnars, they look so weird.’

‘What is the sex organ of Transgender and Hizras?’

One of the facilitators shared story of her friend who also identifies as Transgender and the kind of the problems that the person faces as part of their daily lives. It also helped them ponder as to what they used to understand previously in terms of being normal and natural was that actually true? Also if she can be friends with Transgender then why can’t we be? Why would we judge people or discriminate them because of who they are attracted to or with what they are born with? 

We made sure to engage on these topics in a way that the participants would get understand the identities as they now understand what does being boy mean to them? instead of just focusing on stereotypes/judgments or social norms. 

While talking about sexual identities, the conversations shifted to questions around sex-

‘How do girls get pregnant?’

‘How many times do we insert penis so that girl can get pregnant’

‘For how long can we have sex?’

‘Why do girls experience pain during sex?’

‘Why does the body of girls change after sex?’

‘Is it okay to have sex during pregnancy?’

‘My friend is 15 years old; he told me that he is having sex with a girl. Clearly they are not ready for babies and he might land in trouble. What do I do to stop them for doing so?’

These questions were all linked, they were just popping in one by one – they were all coming in sequence as if logically thought upon, it just felt interesting. This made me understand that why students find it difficult to ask questions in the school space. These questions indicate that they are either placing themselves in the said situations or because of the people they know are in the same situations.

It was beautiful to see the participants making connect with us beyond the workshop as few of them actually searched Facebook page of Sahas, saw the photographs, read articles of the workshops and our journey. One of the participant shared, “Both of us live in the same community. While we were going back to our respective homes, we found a small boy who was lost somehow. Both of us helped him reach back to his family, we even made announcement in the Majjid. The family was so happy to find their kid back; they applauded us and asked if we need something in return.” The crucial point here is that the two participants who rescued the boy don’t really see eye to eye in the class but they are slowly trying to mend their ways and this is an excellent example of peer learning!

One of the Ahhha moments of the session was while talking about gender differences they experience 

Me: Who can go out in evenings or nights and doesn’t even have to ask for permission?

Participants: Obviously boys! Not even a question.

Me: But why not girls?

Participants: Because something would happen to them if they go out alone in night. It’s not safe for them.

Me: Why? They are not safe from whom?

Participants: Boys can be really mean! It is because of boys, girls don’t feel safe.

Me: Then why stop girls?

Participants: Ohh! Right. Actually boys shouldn’t be allowed to go out in night. They could be taught that because of them girls are not able to freely roam around.