‘Other people - family and relatives take the decisions for us, girls! They think girls don’t have the capacity to make good decisions. More specifically, others think that girls will not say NO to the decisions made by the family for them.’
We
have been engaging with the girls in Khushipura village through Sahasi Girls
program on various issues specifically gender and education. While the girls
have understood the importance of education and have started reflecting on
gender norms and discrimination in their lives, they are still struggling with
making choices and decision related to their life. Honestly, for them, making
decision or having a say in decision making related to education, mobility and
marriage is not a reality. With this context of the girls and some of the
recent decisions made by them, we facilitated a workshop on ‘Decision making
and girls leadership’ this Sunday. The workshop started with brief introduction
and agreements emphasizing that today they have to bring all their energies and
mind in the workshop. Through a simple activity of morning routine, we engaged
on how individuals make small and big decisions within a day; some doesn’t
require much thought but some require lot of thinking. And that’s why understanding decision making
is important.
In
the next activity of snap decisions, we asked questions (in the form of this
and that, choices and some what would you do?) and invited the girls to answer
them swiftly. For some of the questions, the answers came immediately but some took
time. It was clear that decisions related to education, marriage and body were
difficult to answer. With this activity, we engaged on why some decisions are
easier to take and some not. The facilitator took some time to explain that consequences
and influence of other people make these decisions difficult to take. For
example – most of the girls while thinking about education, doesn’t leave
village for college because they fear whether parents would give permission or
not, what will villagers say, what if I don’t take transport, or will I be able
to study in the college and so on. However none of us actually weigh it with
the positive consequences like there will be regular classes, qualified
teachers, they will be able to interact with girls from other villages or city
or what if they are able to challenge their inner fear and develop confidence. One of the girls said that marriage is not in
their hands, they will have to do as they are told by their parents.
This
conversation made the girls pause and there was tension in the environment
because many of the girls will be facing the same situation in a year or two.
Second thing that surprised us was the response on ‘what will you do if you get
periods in the school’ – the participant said that they will go home
immediately. We have engaged with the girls on reproductive system and periods,
especially on challenging the shame around it. There are many Sahasi Girls who
go to same school and three female teachers who have participated in our
sessions – instead of seeking their help or asking for pad, if the student
still thinks that they need to go home that reflects as to how shame and stigma
around menstruation still exists.
There was a crucial moment in the workshop when one
of the facilitator conducted a poll with 5 questions around education, work,
money and marriage and who takes those decisions. There was absolute silence
and no one raised their hands to say that they take those decisions for
themselves! Clearly there is huge influence of the family with no
conversations and consent of girls on those decisions. This led to an interesting
discourse dwelling deeper into the absence of girls voices, consent in decision
making which is rooted in gender and patriarchy as boys do have all the freedom
to take their decisions but, girls don't have that. We also connected it
to their previous session on gender difference in different spaces, where none
of the participant actually mentioned about decision making especially when it
comes to household. This was quite an intense and heavy discourse on gender and
decision making, so we did a feel check; the girls had haunted look on their
faces and they looked quite down because what they were going through and were
largely ignoring – now they had no choice but to come face to face with the harsh
reality. We paused and took long deep breathes to be present.
The
girls were then divided into 4 groups; each group was given a story where they
had to decide whether the decision taken by the girl in the story is right or
wrong, what were the consequences of those decisions and now if you were to
support her in the decision making what can you tell her? Importantly these 4
stories were from the girls enrolled in Sahasi Girls program itself. For two
stories, they were able to critically analyze the issue with decision making however
the responses in the other two cases left the facilitators shocked. For the
first story, they said it was right decision to take admission in the college
even if there are no studies and the students go there to give exam because her
parents said so. More shocking was about the girl who unfortunately drop out of
school due to her mother’s prolonged disease, despite getting a chance she
makes a decision not to go back to the school. The participant said that her decision
was right, how will she cope up with the studies in the school, it has been so
long. Second one said that the decision was right also wrong as well because
she has responsibilities, she might not fit in the class or won’t understand
what is being taught in the class and what if her parents don’t agree.
As
a facilitator and mentor, it was challenging to hear the girls say these
things. On asking if this decision had any consequences, they unanimously
agreed that it had bad impact on her life leaving it ruined. So how is that
decision right? With this, we engaged on understanding how decision making is
critical for the girls be it their day to day life, education, work or marriage
as they are the ones who are leading that life and will bear the consequences
of it and no one else. Secondly, we took this moment to reiterate that this is
a safe space where they raise their concerns, share questions and needs but
they spend most of the time in their homes if they don’t build the courage to
speak to their family and make their voices heard in the decisions concerning
their lives – then they have to reflect on what they are learning or what they
want to do with their lives?
Also,
for them to lead their life and make changes in the society they need to stand
in solidarity with other girls. If you keep moving ahead and not bothering
about your fellow girls then also it is time to reevaluate and reflect! The
facilitator and Sahas team also shared the difficult decisions they had to take
to continue the work despite constant resistance from the villagers including
the family members of some of the Sahasi girls. It was reiterated that this
life is yours and no matter who takes the decision, it is you who is living that
life, you will be the one to bear the consequences so why not take the reins of
your life in your own hands.
Purvi
Yadav closed the session by saying, ‘You are the main character of your
story. Don’t ever let anyone else define you!’ After an explosive and intense
conversation on decision making, we all sat down and relished on fresh oranges.
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