पाखंड, बेवकूफी और अपराध

 अक्सर मैं धर्म और आस्था पर कुछ भी लिखने से खुद को रोकती हूं। कई बार खुद को समझाती और तर्क देती भी हूं कि लोगों को आस्था, भगवान का नाम एक उम्मीद देता है, तसली देता है। पर आज जो मैंने देखा और महसूस किया मुझे समझ नहीं आ रहा कि उसे पाखंड कहूं, बेवकूफी कहूं या फिर बेहरुपियापन जिसका चोला पहनकर लोग खुद या फिर दूसरों को असलियत से कोसो दूर कर रहे हैं।

किसी काम की वजह से आज अलीगढ़ जाना हुआ। ऑटो लेते हुए ही देखा कि कई लोग – महिला, पुरुष, किशोरियां और बच्चे भी कावंड में जल लेते हुए रामघाट से अलीगढ़ की ओर जा रहे हैं – दिमाग में पहला ख्याल आया शिवरात्री या मौनी अमावस्या तो दो या तीन दिन में फिर क्या है। खैर तकरीबन हर 300-400 मीटर के अंतराल में बहुत बड़े बड़े पंडाल लगे हुए हैं जहां खाने पीने की व्यवस्था, आराम करने की व्यवस्था है और साथ ही में डीजे लगा हुआ है – जहां एक आध बार शिव भजन लग रहे थे बाकी समय जोर जोर से अश्लील गाने चल रहे थे। हैरानी की बात है कि महिला और पुरुष दोनों ही ठुमके लगाते हुए दिखे। और ये सिलसिला पूरे अलीगढ़ तक चला। मैं जैसे ही ऑटो से उतरी, दो आदमी जो ऐसा ही कावड लेकर जा रहे थे, मेरे बहुत करीब आते हुए चिल्ला कर बोले ‘बम बम भोले’ ‘जय जय महादेव’ और बताने की शायद ही जरूरत हो उनकी नजरे मेरी छाती पर थी।

मैं साल 2020 से अलीगढ़ जिले के गांवों में लड़कियों और महिलाओं के साथ जेंडर के मुद्दे पर काम कर रही हूं – जहां लड़कियों की 13-14 साल की उम्र में शादी करा दी जाती है, स्कूल नहीं भेजा जाता है और तो और पति द्वारा मारपीट रोजमर्रा का हिस्सा है। वहीं पिछले साल ससुरालवालों ने तथाकथित तौर पर गांव की एक लड़की को मार डाला और उसके पिता ने पैसे लेकर केस खत्म कर दिया। ऐसी जगह पर लड़कियां और महिलाओं का शिव भक्ति के नाम पर अश्लील नाचना धर्म है, संस्कार है? जहां खेती से घर नहीं चल पा रहा, नौकरी नहीं है वहां सड़कों पर युवा लड़के और पुरुष सज धज कर पांवों में घुंघरू बांधकर ब्रेंड के जूते पहनकर गंगाजल चढ़ाने के लिए सैकड़ों किलोमीटर चल रहे हैं। पेट भरे होने पर आधा खाना फेंक रहे हैं जहां पास में गाय, बैल और कुत्ते कूडे में खाना और नाली में पानी खोज रहे हैं। मुंह में भगवान का नाम और आंखे लड़कियों और महिलाओं के शरीर पर।

हैरान करने वाली बात ये है कि हम बैटरी रिक्शा में जा रहे थे, बीच में एक इंसान ने मदद मांगी की इन बुजुर्ग को सांस नहीं आ रही है इन्हें अस्पताल जाना है पर पीछे खड़ी गाड़ी होर्न मारे जा रही है। गंगा में नहाने से, मंदिर जाने से, पैदल चलने से पाप नहीं मिटेंगे – कर्म प्रधान देश जहां लोगों ने इतनी मेहनत से आज़ादी हासिल की वहां देश की ऐसी दुर्गति देखकर गुस्सा नहीं निराशा होती है, अफसोस होता है। जहां अधिकार मांगना चाहिए, जहां नौकरी के लिए लड़ना चाहिए, जहां गैरबराबरी को चुनौती देनी चाहिए वहां का युवा धर्म का चोला पहनकर खुद को बेवकूफ बना रहा है।

कितने ही आदमी और लड़के नशे में धुत्त, मुंह में महादेव का जाप लिए आज कई महिलाओं और लड़कियों को घूरते छेड़ते नजर आए – वाह रही दुनिया। ये धर्म है, ये आस्था है, ये संस्कृति है – मेरे नजर में तो इसे अपराध और बेवकूफी कहेंगे।

 

हिंसा को चुनौती देती, जिंदगी को चुनती महिला

 

दिल्ली अब कम ही रहना होता है ऐसे में वहां की दौड़ धूप में लगता है कि जितने भी काम हो तुरंत निपटा लिए जाए। एक ऐसे ही मसरूफियत के दिन में मैंने एक महिला को घर में किचन के सामने बैठे देखा। हल्के लाल रंग की साड़ी पहने, सिर झुकाए हुए अपनी एक हाथ की हथेलियों को दूसरे से दबाते हुए मानो मन ही मन कोई बड़ा फैसला लेने की तैयारी कर रही थी। राधिका (महिला का बदला हुआ नाम) के पहले शब्द थे, ‘मेरे पति कहीं चले गए हैं। मैं क्या करुं?’ वो और कुछ कह पाती उससे पहले ही वो रोने लगी और मैं असमंजस में पड़ गई। दरअसल राधिका 25 साल की महिला है और 4 साल की बेटी की मां। उसकी शादी महज 19 साल की उम्र में उसके माता पिता ने दिल्ली में करा दी। पति शराब पीता था और शादी के 3-4 साल बाद ही लिवर फेल होने की वजह से उसकी मौत हो गई।

अकेली राधिका एक छोटी बच्ची के साथ दिल्ली में कैसे रहेगी, कैसे अपना जीवन व्यतीत करेगी सोचकर उसे परिवारवालों ने उसकी दूसरी शादी करवा दी। समाज के मुताबिक लड़का काफी समझदार, कामकाजी और उसमें कोई बुरी आदत नहीं थी। मन न होते हुए भी कम उम्र की राधिका ने अपनी बच्ची के खातिर शादी कर ली। शादी के कुछ महीने बाद ही उसके पति ने उसके साथ बुरा व्यवहार करना, गाली गलौज करना शुरू कर दिया। राधिका अपने घर का काम करने के बाद दूसरों के घर में साफ सफाई और खाना बनाने का काम करती। एक दिन शाम को किसी बात से नाराज होकर उसके पति ने उसपर हाथ उठा दिया – डर और हैरानी की वजह से वो सकते में आ गई। वो कुछ बोल नहीं पाई। उसका पति ने काम छोड़ दिया और साफ तौर पर कहा कि वो दूसरे की बच्ची को नहीं पाल पाएगा। उसके बाद उसके पति ने अत्याचार शुरु कर दिया और जब भी वो किसी से मदद मांगती तो लोग पति को समझाते पर वो अपनी हरकतों से बाज न आता। इस बार उसने सारी हदें पार कर दी और राधिका को इतना मारा कि उसके हाथ-पैर सूज गए और उन पर नील पड़ गया और पेट और सिर पर गहरी चोट आई। उसको अस्पताल ले जाने की जगह वो घर से फरार हो गया। राधिका ने किसी तरह से अपना इलाज कराया इसी बीच मकान मालिक ने रोजाना के झगड़े और मारपीट को देखते हुए मकान खाली करने को कहा।

अभी भी परिवार वाले, रिश्तेदार उसी को समझा रहे थे। ऐसे में वो हमारे पास (साहस फाउंडेशन) आई और बताया कि मारपीट करने के बाद तीन दिन हो चुके है वो घर वापस नहीं आया है, वो है अपने माता पिता के पास पर वो लोग बता नहीं रहे है। अपनी आपबीती कहते हुए राधिका न जाने कितने देर तक रोती रही। सोचिए 24 साल की लड़की जो ठीक ठाक पढ़ी लिखी है, कमाती भी है वो पिछले 2 साल से मारपीट झेल रही है – कारण कि उसका पति पहले पति की बेटी को पालना नहीं चाहता. हैरानी की बात ये है कि वो कमाता भी नहीं है। मैंने काफी देर तक उसके साथ बात की, पूछा कि वो क्या चाहती है और बाद में एक वकील और काउंसलर से भी बात कराई। उसके पास पैसे और ऐसा स्पोर्ट सिस्टम नहीं था कि वो कोर्ट और वकील के चक्कर लगा पाए उसके लिए भी हमने सहयोग किया। राधिका ने एक बात मुझे दृढ़ता से और बड़े आत्मविश्वास से कही, ‘दीदी, मेरी कोई गलती नहीं है, मेरे साथ ऐसे व्यवहार नहीं होना चाहिए। और अब मैं ऐसे इंसान के साथ नहीं रहना चाहती। मेरी बेटी पर क्या असर होगा?’

राधिका अब अपने पति से अलग हो चुकी है, उसके पति के खिलाफ कार्रवाई भी हुई। उसकी बेटी स्कूल जाने लगी है। राधिका अब आत्मविश्वास और सम्मान के साथ कमाती है, अपनी बेटी के साथ हंसती मुस्कुराती और बिना डर के रहती है।

ये कहानी उस महिला की है जिसने बहुत हिम्मत करके, अपने लिए, अपनी बेटी के लिए ऐसे जीवन का चुनाव किया जहां वो खुलकर मुस्कुरा सकेगी, खुद के लिए जी पाएगी।

जहां आज जेंडर और महिला सश्कितकरण के नाम पर लोगों का पहला जवाब होता है कि जी आजकल तो महिलाएं बहुत आगे निकल गई है, पता नहीं कौन कौन से पद पर बैठ गई है लेकिन अपने घरों के अंदर, दफ्तर में, स्कूलों में और रोड पर सामने होती हुई हिंसा को नजरदांज कर देते हैं। ऐसे में मुझे फ़ख्र है हर उस लड़की, महिला और उन लोगों पर जो जेंडर की बेड़ियों को तोड़कर समाज की झूठी रुढ़िवादी मंसूबों में सेंध लगाकर अपने जीवन को अपनी खुशियां को चुनते हैं।

जीवन की कीमत खुद की खुशियां और आत्मसम्मान नहीं हो सकता।

 

'I can be a good leader'

 ‘I can be good leader. I can do many things quite well’

This one statement speaks volume about the social change that we at Sahas have been working towards since the year 2020 with the girls in Khushipura village. I remember the first workshop with the girls; they were hesitant, rarely speaking no matter what kind of question or activity they were engaging in. That was not because they had nothing to say or they didn’t understand but the girls in this village never had a space where they can sit comfortably and talk about things that matter to them. It is our honor and privilege to now have five incredible girls who have traversed through all of it to now being Sahasi Leaders.

Sahasi Girls program was launched in March 2023 with the aim to make gender equality a reality in Rural India where the voices of girls shaped the framework of the program. Last year in August after a workshop on community building and leadership, these girls were chosen based on their participation, curiosity and aspirations to do something in their real beyond the gendered expectations of the society. And since then, they have ideated, co-created and organized 12 meet ups with their respective groups to learn, share and build a space for each other!

We facilitated a Sahasi Leader reflections meet up in the month of Feb. to co-create a space where all of us could reflect, learn, share and feel inspired. Before the meet up, we conducted English and Mathematics class for a girl with disability (she has also joined our program). One of the Sahasi leaders accompanied us till her home. It was wonderful to see that not only she was immersed in what was being taught to her, she also helped her in studying and promised to check on her. Their interaction was something that we wish for the girls in India and everywhere where they support each other and walk the path of gender equity.

The Sahasi Leader meet up began with setting the context and reiterating the objective and goal behind starting leadership program for girls. In the first activity, the girls were invited to reflect on their strengths and things where they need to work more or require support.

Strengths

‘I can be a good leader. I can do many things well’

‘I am a good student.’

‘Despite many hurdles, I have been able to come for meetings regularly’

‘I am hard working, good in arts and have good hand writing’

Things that need improvement

‘Studies don’t interest me that much’

‘I am unable to go to college because I don’t know how to ride bicycle. My father didn’t want to repair the tablet so I am unable to study’

‘I don’t know how to speak English’

‘I didn’t make the right decision. I didn’t pursue Education.’

‘I forget things easily’

In the next activity, we invited Sahasi Leaders to share their experience of facilitating meet up-

‘We tried to do facilitate the meeting just as you do. We played games, everyone enjoyed. But in one game, she kept hitting me. It was painful – I got angry but then too we didn’t stop the meeting. We completed the meeting and shared pictures with you. It was good’

‘I am happy that we were able to conduct meeting on our own without you! I didn’t think that was quite possible. All our meetings went well and I enjoyed it’

‘We read stories, recited poems and then at the end the participants said that we should give some refreshments because didi also gives. I was shocked but they were right, so we distributed toffees.’

‘I was part of another group but she never turned up so I joined other group. We had so much fun especially the meeting in December and in Jan 2025. We talked about our aspirations for New Year and also wrote that we want to go for trip’

The facilitator used this moment to share that not knowing English isn’t a personal weakness. English is not our native language, we don’t speak it in daily lives so it’s okay not to know it. But it is needed in Education and work, so it must be treated like a skill that can be learned. The conversation on skills and possible opportunities for work gave us a hint that a career counseling session can be conducted for them so that they can explore their options.

Post their reflections; we shared our thoughts and reflections on their leadership creatively in form of report card. They were excited and quite happy to receive them. Continuing the joyous moment, the facilitator highlighted the leadership values depicted by two of the Sahasi Leaders that can be adapted by others. We then felicitated the Sahasi Leaders who have been consistent, innovative and depicted commitment towards community development.   

 

 

Co-creating gender sensitive classroom with students

‘Girls are not allowed to study more! They are married off without their wish’ – shared by 13 years old girl during a workshop on ‘Understanding Gender’ organized in a school in Khushipura village. This is the horrifying reality many girls live with, in the rural Uttar Pradesh. We have been working with girls in Khushipura village since 2020 through Sahasi Girls Program focusing on education, health, skill building and sports through gender lens. Along with this, we have been engaging with the students of schools nearby to build gender inclusive classroom.

The session on ‘Understanding gender’ began with the brief introduction and agreements – there was lot of excitement and curiosity in the classroom. Through chit activity we initiated the discourse on the difference between gender and sex and concluding that men and women can do everything, there is only one difference between them which is the body they are born in!

 

The participants were invited to share 3 key messages they have received because they are a boy or a girl –

‘We are not allowed to play or go outside. Instead the girls are told to make rotis and do household chores.’

‘We are not allowed to do anything without permission. And if we ask questions, people either scold us or silence us’

‘We are not allowed to dance too. They say do you go to school to study or to dance?’

‘Boys easily hurl abuses but girls can’t do that’

 

‘The boys can go outside anytime they want to. They don’t need to ask for permission’

‘Girls wear bindi and put makeup’

‘Boys roam around; do absolutely anything when they have free time. Parents won’t say anything to them. If girls sit for a while in their free time, mother and father both start scolding her or giving her some work’

‘In the name of work, some parents stop the education of girls and make them sit at home while the boys can go to school’

 

‘If a girl goes out of village to study then people in the village says what will she do after studying, the boys can earn so they should go’

‘Boys work more than girls’

‘Boys go outside to earn money, girls can’t do that’

‘Girls shouldn’t talk much, they shouldn’t go outside, must ask permission’

 

‘The boys have to bear the burden of household, they have to take decisions for the family and they have to work hard in the fields’

‘What will you achieve by studying more than boys? Learn how to cook and do household work’

‘What will you do after studying – you will get married anyways’

‘No one tells boys that they have to get married, there is no timeline for them’

‘The girls are married by force, no one considers their choice or ask them anything’

‘You are a girl – don’t use phone, don’t go outside, don’t laugh too much or loudly, talk less, work more and don’t eat hot and spicy things.’

 While, ideating the gender story, a discourse was created how social context has changed in a way that's quite gendered. Despite, education, work, women are expected to take care of the household and finances are expected to be dealt by the men in the family.

We took the example from the students where they were asked their subject choices after 10th grade. A male student said his choice will be Mathematics and female student said her choice will be home science. This is what gender is all about that affects subject choices as well and it becomes all the more important to have these conversations in school

The intention of these conversations in the classrooms in India is that these gendered barriers can identified, they can then be challenges especially by the girls so, that they can pursue their dreams

 

Building gender sensitive classrooms in Rural Uttar Pradesh

 ‘I want to become Engineer’

‘I can’t leave home even for urgent work without Permission’

One can easily guess who would have said statement 1 and statement 2. These quotes are from the students of Public school in Kakrari Gaon where we facilitated workshop on ‘Understanding Gender’.  The workshop began with a quirky introduction where in the facilitator said, ‘Today we will understand why the boys and girls in this classroom are sitting separately despite being a co-ed school.’ This was followed by intention setting and agreements so that all the participants can share and listen without judgments and with respect.

Through chit activity, we engaged on ‘gender norms or behavior’ we see in the society and around us and how the basic difference between men and women is basically biological or the sexual/reproductive organs they are born with. It was wonderful to see how the participants especially girls didn’t shy away from using the words pregnancy, breast feeding or periods. There were quite many things like driver, make up, lifting heavy things, agriculture and others that required discussion as to whether both men and women can do it or not.

In the next part of the activity the participants were invited to share ‘3 key messages that they have received because they are boy or a girl’. Some of those messages were –

‘Girls are not allowed to go outside most of the times’

‘Girls are told not to wear short dresses’

‘Girls should listen to and abide by things told to them by their parents’

‘Girls should reach home early’

‘Girls should know cooking, they should remain in home’

‘Boys should study hard; they need to look after their homes’

‘Boys must touch the feet of elders as greetings while the girls should only say Namaste. They should never touch anyone’s feet.’

‘Girls are told not to stay out late in evening, shouldn’t wear jeans and shirt’

‘You can never be equal to boys. The girls should never compete against boys’

‘Stay away from the boys’

‘You don’t have right to roam in the village’

‘Because I am girl, I should know how to cook and do household chores. We can’t wear different types of clothes, can’t make a choice about it. We can’t go outside at any time. If I have to leave home, I can’t go alone; somebody will accompany me.’

‘If the girls want to do something in their life, move forward with their dreams, people around them keep taunting and pulling them down stopping them from going ahead. If someone’s daughter is doing well, the neighbors become jealous and spread rumors’

‘The parents always discipline girls and keep them under their control. Some girls are really intelligent ’

‘We can’t pray while we are on periods’

‘We are not even allowed to laugh. It’s such a waste to laugh’

‘The boys don’t have to cook, they don’t have the need to even learn cooking. They can roam around anytime they want to’

We then ideated a story to bring in the current social context where household work, education and all domains of life are gendered. What makes it crucial to bring the gender conversations into the classrooms is to understand that these gender barriers gradually become roadblocks for girls' aspirations for education, work and life ahead. So, it becomes all the more important to challenge these gender barriers that come up very early in school whether it is seating arrangement, sports and subject choices.

 

 

Smashing Patriarchy in Sahasi way!

Sahasi Girls Program is our flagship program that is aimed to make gender equality a reality in rural India. We have been working with more than 160 girls in Khushipura village for over 4 years engaging on different facets of Education, Health, Sports and livelihood while building their understanding on gender and sexuality. In continuation with our vision of making gender equitable villages, we facilitated a workshop on ‘Gender differences in daily lives’ with the girls.

On the extremely cold Sunday morning, we sat out to reach workshop venue in the village. The visibility on the road was dangerously poor and it became worse as we came closer to the village. I wasn’t sure if the girls would turn up at the designated time because even though mornings in village begin quite early, there were hardly people outside their homes. To our surprise, within 10 mins our first batch of girls turned up on the venue all bundled up in warm clothes, and slowly rest of them followed. After brief introduction, setting intention for the session and reiteration of agreements, the facilitator invited the participants to play energizer to bring warmth and ensure they are more present for the discussion.

The participants were divided into 4 groups and asked to discuss ‘gender differences they see in different spaces’.

Home

‘Girls are not allowed to go outside the home’

‘Girls can’t go anywhere without the permission while the boys do whatever they want to’

‘The girls have to do all the household chores and yet they get nothing. No appreciation. Instead people taunt us, curse us and scold us.’

‘Boys don’t contribute anything in household but no one says anything to them. They freely roam around.’

School

‘The girls are asked to leave earlier than boys so that they can go home safely’

‘There are no toilets for girls in the school, so the girls have to manage while boys can easily go out in the field to do’

‘Boys and girls sit separately in the classroom; they have separate places to play games’

‘Girls when they go back home, they either study or do household chores but boys just loiter around’

‘After the school is over, girls go back home directly while boys have fun, stop anywhere and reach home whenever they feel like.’  

Public spaces

‘If the girls want to go to library to study, the family members constantly question them and say what will you do in the library, what will people say? Many a time’s villagers spread rumors like she doesn’t go to library but goes to the market.’

‘Nobody questions if the boy wants to go to library. They go to library everyday and come home quite late but no one taunts them or even asks if they actually went there or not.’

‘The girls simply don’t have access to mobile phone. We don’t want phone to watch videos or have fun, we need it for studies but if we say that everyone simply says no. It is said that we will talk to boys, do unnecessary things and misuse it but no one gives it for right reason also even if the phone is just lying around. But for boys, they always have phone in their hands’

Leisure

‘In free time, girls do household chores while the boys play games, use phones, go outside, hang out with friends, and sometimes do nothing’

‘Boys can go anywhere but the girls have to remain at home’

Though the girls missed out some points however their discussion focused on various other crucial aspects that highlight lack of access to various resources they need.

Mona, one of the facilitators revised the understanding of gender with the girls facilitated with them over the years. And, how their identity of being a girl is gendered and seen clearly in their daily lives. Once, we have this knowledge, girls can challenge gender barriers they see in everyday life.

Through the wall of patriarchy, the facilitator engaged on how patriarchy is embedded in social spaces leading to gender differences to discrimination and gender based violence. The girls experience the brunt in day to day lives and it is important to understand it and challenge it for them. 

 The workshop concluded with the stories of few Sahasi girls who have smashed the walls of patriarchy by taking a step ahead to study, ensuring she gets tution to pass her exams and someone who led Sahasi girls despite so many challenges. There was a big round of applause for our incredible Sahasi girls.

The workshop with Sahasi Girls closed with New year celebrations, we all enjoyed cake and pipping hot tea.