“My parents told me
that I am girl! Hearing this made me very sad because boys can go and play
whenever they wish to while we have to do household chores. I was upset because
I am girl as grandmother loves my brother more than me. It’s not good to be
girl because once we marry; we have to leave our homes while boys live in the
same house”
The fact that we are
working with two groups of boys and one group of girls at the same time; it has
been quite an overwhelming and intense experience considering how being a boy
and a girl changes their entire perspective towards life. At the age of 12
years, both of them are able to see the privileges of being a boy and lack of
same in case of being a girl. It pains me to see how badly this effects them in
so many ways, their responses reflect the agony of gender discrimination and the
strong urge to be treated equal or at least let them be who they are!
Despite various
logistics hurdles in the girls school, we had so much fun doing ‘ungli dance’
in the middle of the school where teachers were glaring at us, few parents who
were visiting wondered what actually we are trying to teach girls and other
students peeking from their class with a glee in their eyes. It was fun when
number of girls volunteered to come in middle of the circle to repeat the
energizer.
Post this; the
participants were divided into groups where they were invited to discuss on the
question, “When did they come to know that they are girl or boy for the first
time? How did this make them feel?”
“I used to speak like
boys, so one day my mother told me that it’s not right, you are a girl and must
speak like one”
“I used to play with
boys but later someone told me that I am a girl and should be playing with
girls and not with boys”
“I used to study in
Co-ed school where I used to be with boys most of the time. One day a techer
told me that I am a girl and should be spending time with girls”
“I felt sad because I am
strong and have attitude like boys and I am very naughty. Being girl forces to let
go of this”
“I felt happy because nowadays
girls have lot of value.”
“While growing up, my
parents told me that I am a girl and also I started understanding as things
were changing around me like girls are
supposed to wear frocks, skirts while boys wear pants and shirts”
“It didn’t really affect
me because there are lot other girls in the world. In fact I was happy because
now even girls are marching ahead and making their family proud”
“Because of my name,
clothes and identity card I came to know that I am a girl”
“I came to know about
being a girl on my own because of my name, no one told me as such”
“I used to wear clothes
that boys wear long back. Then my dad explained that I am a girl and should
wear the clothes that are for girls”
“I felt weird that boys
and girls are different. I used to wonder how they are different.”
“When I was a child, I used
to roam around a lot then my mom told me that I am a girl and shouldn’t go out that
much. It didn’t really bother me”
“The way people address
me, from my own sense, private parts, because of my name, clothes that we wear
and also the way my body is shaped”
“It didn’t really made
sense to me because I was too young and my mind wasn’t too active”
“One day while my mom
was making me wear frock, I asked her - can I wear kurta pajyama? She refused
immediately stating that I am a girl and I should be wearing frocks.”
“My brother doesn’t let
me wear jeans and top because I am a girl”
“My brother puts lot of
restrictions on me, always instructs me what to do and what not to do because I
am a girl”
Though we really wished
to explore the physical aspect of growing up, the sharing in the respective
groups indicated gendered realities they encounter every day – how restricted
and confused they feel merely because they are girls. At this point, I always
wonder, how people conveniently say that world is changing now boys and girls
are equal, they are given same opportunities when at every step these young
girls are pushed behind because of the shackles of gender norms.
I was very apprehensive
as to how would we engage the participants in ‘body map’ activity considering
the small classroom and humongous number of participants. However as they say
the difficulties either makes you crumble or give you opportunity to grow! We went
with latter option and I was stumped as to what we actually created!
The girls created
detailed body map, mentioning about private organ but sadly not even 1 out of
55 girls knew the name ‘vagina’ as against the boys ! This is the plight of
girls in our society, there is so much fear that if they know the name god
knows which volcano will burst and end the world!
Good things about growing
up-
‘Height increases, body
becomes flexible, and hairs grow’
‘As we grow, our habits
also changes. We become intelligent and our body also changes. We get to learn
more about ourselves’
‘Mind becomes active
and strong. We are able to understand others’
Bad things about
growing up-
‘We get periods that
impacts our health. Our stomach aches when we are about to get periods. I am scared to go out of homes’
‘We get pimples on our
face, skin becomes dull and dark. We start sweating more and lot of problems
comes when we grow up’
‘The bad thing about
growing up is that we can’t stay out late in evenings or night. We can’t do
what we want to do’
‘When we grow up, the
things that were easily given to us when we were child are not provided. We are
not allowed to go out’
‘There are certain body
parts that grow in size as part of physical changes which makes us
uncomfortable. We get periods and can get pregnant’
‘We become angry,
irritated and frustrated because of extra work that is forced upon us’
‘We develop breasts;
there are times when there is pain in chest because of the growth’
The sharing in the last
part of the activity has set tone for the upcoming workshop on ‘Periods’. While
explaining the physical changes in the girls, there are giggles, murmuring and
shyness however as conversation progressed- there was pin drop silence and intent
listening! The one thing that got stuck in my mind was – while I was packing
the workshop materials, one of the girls quickly came to me and started erasing
things that were written on the board (vagina, penis and periods)
“Mam, I am erasing this
because the boys will be coming and they shouldn’t be seeing this!”
I was shocked as to how
a 12 year old had developed this thought process that what we discussed should
remain between girls and if boys see this – they would form bad opinion about
the girls! This reaction just cemented
our idea that this information is equally important for all adolescents and it’s
important to engage in such conversations more to challenge the rudimentary
mindsets to build better society.
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