Dwelling on the question "Why do these changes happen to me?" with adolescent boys

“Being a boy, I am very happy as I can go anywhere at any time. I don’t have to do household chores like girls.”

The session on ‘physical changes during adolescence’ with the boys of Government School began with the energizer ‘Ungli dance’ where they engaged and danced enthusiastically. In the next activity, the participants were divided into small groups where they were asked to discuss on the given questions – ‘How did they come to know that they are a boy or girl for the first time?’ This simple abstract question made them ponder for a while, confusing them but post discussion – the conclusions were well thought and reflective of their experiences, effect of the society they live in and strong gender norms they have encountered in their daily lives.

“I came to know that I am boy because of my name. I felt great”

“When I came to know that I am a boy, I was not bothered by it”

“Because of my hairs, face and strength I came to know that I am a boy. It made me feel good as I can make my parents and country proud when I grow up”

“My mother told me that I am a boy and I should go and play in the park with other boys. It felt weird and it didn’t make any sense to me”

“While playing cricket, our ball hit one of the women in the park. She shouted at me saying – ae ladhke dhyan se khel, then I came to know that I am a boy”

Two very crucial observations from this activity that made this session different from all our previous sessions on puberty was that - For the first time, one of the participants said that he came to know that he is a boy because of his private organ! Even while others were laughing and saying things, this boy didn’t shy away or changed his answer. Most of the time, the participants come up with the clothes, names or gender norms to explain how they come to know whether they are boy or a girl. Secondly, one of the groups clearly mentioned their privileges of being boy as compared to girls in terms of going out, not doing household chores! It’s so important to have this realization only then one can work through to challenge gender discrimination.

Following this, the participants engaged in the ‘body map’ activity. Surprisingly without any prompt, the participants drew their private organs on the chart paper. However none of the participants knew the name – they had written anus instead of penis. The questions based on body map had some really insightful answers.

What are the good things of growing up?

“I can do whatever I want to without any restrictions. I can roam around freely”

“My desires increases as I grow up in terms of doing things, wanting to buy new clothes, going out”

“Body looks good when we grow up”

“My strength increases, height increases and no one can tell me what to do”

What are the bad things of growing up?

“We start fighting with people, lose temper”

“Because of these body changes, we are not able to share our personal things with others”

“We remain irritated with the surroundings and with people. Start abusing also”

“I would be married soon because I am growing up”

“The bad thing about growing up is we start using phones a lot, make profiles on social media like Facebook, Instagram and tick tok. Sometimes make fake profiles to chat with unknown people especially girls. We spend lot of time on phone”

“We see our friends; elder boys make girlfriends, so we are tempted to make girlfriends. That is considered sign of being a growing boy”

“When we are small, our penis is also small, but as we grow up, it increases in size and things happen to it”

“The digestive system doesn’t work properly, bloating happens and it aches badly”

The session brought out the issues of gender, body image, peer pressure and the tendency to explore the unspoken, unsaid and sushhed territory of sex, love and relationships. This also emphasized the importance of the sessions that would be conducted in coming weeks as they are aware of things that happening to them and around them but in half-baked way which could prove harmful and can compel them to take decisions that they might regret. 

It’s so beautiful to see them opening up, taking step out of their comfort zone and engaging on the issues that matter to them despite the clouds of mystery and discomfort built around the same.