Understanding 'women's body and sexuality' with rural women

“I understood what was told to me about growing up as a girl and having period. But when I came home, I just collapsed in my mother’s arms, hugging her tightly and started sobbing. I couldn’t process what is happening to me, or why is this happening to me!”

The second session with the rural women as part of our gender, sexuality and reproductive health program was based on ‘women’s body and sexuality’. The workshop began with a very simple question – ‘when did you first come to know that you are a boy or a girl and how did that make you feel’. The answer is not as simple as the question, and clearly doesn’t indicate discrimination between genders however the instant response was that there is no difference between boy and a girl – they are equal, we treat them equally and even our parents gave us the same treatment. This very response indicate the depth and strength of hold that patriarchy has on us, especially women who are made to believe that everything is good, whatever is given to them is a privilege and that they should be grateful that they are treated equally despite the fact that this is basic human rights that is for every person irrespective of their gender.

This response is very common, so we restated the question with an emphasis to allow themselves to reflect on their personal experience rather than what happens around them; and that is when one of the participants shared, “lot of things are discussed in the home, many a times we ask for things, my mother often says that they are boys, they are stubborn but you are a girl, you must understand – this is what really happens in the village”

Other participant says that when she got her periods for the first time that made her realize that she is a girl, this is part of being a girl.

“It is the first periods that make a girl feel that oh! I am a girl. I had periods in school for the first time – I shared with my friends and I thought it’s because I go to toilet that’s why this is happening! I was told by my friend that this is something that happens to every girl and comes every month. I heard and understood that but when I went home, I hugged my mother and cried loudly for several moments saying that I don’t know what happened to me or why it happened but my mother comforted me”

In the next part of the session, we invited the participant to draw their body maps. This is for the first time that we were attempting this activity on con call, my mother who is also engaging in this program as co-facilitator drew her body map. This is one of my favorite activities, to hear the participants laugh, giggle, whisper was amazing experience. There was still hesitance, sort of shyness there but this activity allowed them to explore, understand and engage with their body.

The following discussion on body maps were related to the feeling of happiness, pain, power and shame they associate with different body parts. It was important to engage on how the various sensations are a result of biological process inside the body related to brain and nervous system except shame! Using the village context, we talked about how women wear veil while doing even small chores or stepping out of home but men roam around in underwear – so how shame is different for women and men; bodily functions and nervous system is same both men and women so why this difference! And when the answers keep pouring they became more settled in – more okay with the body and sexuality they possess being a woman.  

At the same time we engaged in an important conversation around consent – what it means to say yes or no; needless to say that whatever women say or does is considered as yes in the society that we live in. That’s why when we talked about it, they not only listened but shared personal experiences related to consent or violation for that matters.

The session ended with questions like ‘Having sex during periods is possible?’ ‘What can be done if I don’t want to get intimate’ ‘Are there other ways than to have sex other than the one that leads to pregnancy’