Engaging on the 'physical changes during adolescence' with the boys of Government School

“The good thing about growing up is that we learn that we shouldn’t be touching or behaving inappropriately with girls” shares one of the participants.

The second group of the adolescent participants studying in the Government School comes with uncanny positive and vibrant energy which reflects in each activity – like in energizer, though most of them don’t enjoy dancing but they came forward to engage in ‘Ungli dance’ with so much ease that many other volunteered to do it.   

In the first activity, the participants were divided into the groups where they were asked to discuss on the question – “When did you first come to know that you are a boy or a girl? How did that make you feel?”

“While playing in the school, our sports teacher asked us to make separate lines for girls and boys. Then I went home and asked my grandfather about how boys and girls are different? He shared a big story, I didn’t really understand what he meant by that story but at the end it was clear that being boy is a great thing. Honestly I didn’t understand!”

“I had put up mehndi on my hand one day. In school, my friend told me that I am a boy and I shouldn’t be putting mehndi as this is for girls. I felt weird”

“I was really happy to know that I am a boy as this means I can go anywhere I want to”

“Once I was playing with girls near my home. One of the aunties stopped by and told me to play with boys and not with girls because I am a boy. She also asked what am I doing with the girls? I was not really happy”

“I was wearing what was supposed to be clothes for girls one day when I was a child. My uncle scolded me saying what the hell am I wearing? I shouldn’t be wearing these clothes as they are for girls. It made me feel weird”

“One day in the school, I was going to the toilet when one of my teacher stopped me. He said this toilet is for girls, as you are a boy you should be going to the toilets for boys. At that time, it didn’t make any sense to me”

“While playing with girls, I was curious as to why they have long hairs and I have short hairs. I asked them, they didn’t answer me. So I asked my mother, she told me that girls should have long hairs and you are a boy so you must have short hairs. I was very upset hearing that”

“I have penis that’s why I am a boy”

“My mom told me that you are a boy and you shouldn’t have friendship with girls”

“I felt great that I am a boy because unlike girls I am free to go wherever I want to”

“I always wondered why I have penis. I was curious to know what the difference between girls and boys is”

“When I used to go out with my parents, people used to ask my parents about me – ‘is your baby boy or girl’ with my parents answer as boy – I came to know that I am a boy”

It was interesting to see two groups mentioning that because of their private part, they come to know that they are boys; this was definitely new for us. These conversations also reflected the gendered realities they encounter on daily basis.

In the next part of the session, the participants engaged in creating ‘body maps’ and discussing the questions related to the physical changes that happen during adolescence.

The good things about growing up –

 

“Growing up means you get freedom. We grow up, become smart and fair”

“Height increases, brain sharpens, we become intelligent”

“Our penis also becomes big”

“We learn to behave properly around other people especially girls”

“We learn to save ourselves if caught with girlfriend”

The bad things about growing up-

“The bad thing about growing up is that we start seeing girls differently, behave inappropriately”

“We start teasing people, make fun of them”

“We get hairs all around our private organs and on face which are itchy and sometimes we get swelling if those hairs get plucked by mistake”

“Our voice changes, we become rowdy and trouble people”

 “We invest lot of time on phone chatting, playing games and seeing videos”

This group surprised us in many ways – the ease with which they drew the body map in record time which has never happened till now, they had amazing group dynamics and the body map was very detailed – every group drew penis, pubic hairs etc; the discussion on the questions was very detailed and yet quick. The conversations during various activities gave an impression that they know a lot of things, they are exploring and experimenting as well, use of slang around the private parts of male and female strongly pointed that either these conversations happen on regular basis within their peer groups or they watch porn!

I was surprised to hear one of the boys sharing why these physical changes happen during adolescence as he said that it’s because of pituitary gland. In all, this batch of the participants were amazing, full of energy and openness in terms of learning and sharing as to what is going on in their lives to understand things more!   

Dwelling on the question "Why do these changes happen to me?" with adolescent boys

“Being a boy, I am very happy as I can go anywhere at any time. I don’t have to do household chores like girls.”

The session on ‘physical changes during adolescence’ with the boys of Government School began with the energizer ‘Ungli dance’ where they engaged and danced enthusiastically. In the next activity, the participants were divided into small groups where they were asked to discuss on the given questions – ‘How did they come to know that they are a boy or girl for the first time?’ This simple abstract question made them ponder for a while, confusing them but post discussion – the conclusions were well thought and reflective of their experiences, effect of the society they live in and strong gender norms they have encountered in their daily lives.

“I came to know that I am boy because of my name. I felt great”

“When I came to know that I am a boy, I was not bothered by it”

“Because of my hairs, face and strength I came to know that I am a boy. It made me feel good as I can make my parents and country proud when I grow up”

“My mother told me that I am a boy and I should go and play in the park with other boys. It felt weird and it didn’t make any sense to me”

“While playing cricket, our ball hit one of the women in the park. She shouted at me saying – ae ladhke dhyan se khel, then I came to know that I am a boy”

Two very crucial observations from this activity that made this session different from all our previous sessions on puberty was that - For the first time, one of the participants said that he came to know that he is a boy because of his private organ! Even while others were laughing and saying things, this boy didn’t shy away or changed his answer. Most of the time, the participants come up with the clothes, names or gender norms to explain how they come to know whether they are boy or a girl. Secondly, one of the groups clearly mentioned their privileges of being boy as compared to girls in terms of going out, not doing household chores! It’s so important to have this realization only then one can work through to challenge gender discrimination.

Following this, the participants engaged in the ‘body map’ activity. Surprisingly without any prompt, the participants drew their private organs on the chart paper. However none of the participants knew the name – they had written anus instead of penis. The questions based on body map had some really insightful answers.

What are the good things of growing up?

“I can do whatever I want to without any restrictions. I can roam around freely”

“My desires increases as I grow up in terms of doing things, wanting to buy new clothes, going out”

“Body looks good when we grow up”

“My strength increases, height increases and no one can tell me what to do”

What are the bad things of growing up?

“We start fighting with people, lose temper”

“Because of these body changes, we are not able to share our personal things with others”

“We remain irritated with the surroundings and with people. Start abusing also”

“I would be married soon because I am growing up”

“The bad thing about growing up is we start using phones a lot, make profiles on social media like Facebook, Instagram and tick tok. Sometimes make fake profiles to chat with unknown people especially girls. We spend lot of time on phone”

“We see our friends; elder boys make girlfriends, so we are tempted to make girlfriends. That is considered sign of being a growing boy”

“When we are small, our penis is also small, but as we grow up, it increases in size and things happen to it”

“The digestive system doesn’t work properly, bloating happens and it aches badly”

The session brought out the issues of gender, body image, peer pressure and the tendency to explore the unspoken, unsaid and sushhed territory of sex, love and relationships. This also emphasized the importance of the sessions that would be conducted in coming weeks as they are aware of things that happening to them and around them but in half-baked way which could prove harmful and can compel them to take decisions that they might regret. 

It’s so beautiful to see them opening up, taking step out of their comfort zone and engaging on the issues that matter to them despite the clouds of mystery and discomfort built around the same.

   

When adolescent girls took charge of building their own identity!

“My grandmother wants me to become a teacher. But I wish to become a doctor one day and no matter who tells me what, I would stick to my aim. I will work hard as much as I can to become doctor.”

After working for more than 2 years with the adolescent boys of Government School, Dwarka; Sahas is now in collaboration with yet another Government School for the implementation of ‘gender, sexuality and reproductive health’ program with all girls group. The first session on ‘Identity’ began with the energizer ‘catch the ball and show your crazy side’ – the responses from the participants were very typical for example- I love to study, I like helping people and others. So, the facilitator gave prompts to encourage them to share, also tried sharing some sentences  so that the ones who don’t feel like sharing can raise their hands to confirm whether they have done this or not! The activity took an interesting turn when the session was opened to the participants who were willing to share on their own- one after another, number of girls raised their hands and shared the ‘the crazy thing that they have done!’  

“We were playing hide and seek. We hid the rabbit in the refrigerator as it was coming after us and somehow we forgot about it. Our father found out about it when he opened the fridge for water. He scolded us badly.”

“One day my mother asked me to take care of our tortoise. He kept running here and there, I was trying to catch him but all in vain. Somehow he slipped and fell from stairs-  we couldn’t find me. My mom was so angry”

“I have bunked classes to watch movie with my friends”

“I have jumped in the river”

“Once I was riding bicycle and I ran over a dog. Nothing really happened to him just his tail”

“I enjoy playing cricket”

“My friends and I have bunked classes to organize and attend birthday parties. We do it often and eat pizza too”

The interesting part was that the entire class knew that this set of girls usually bunk classes to go out and eat pizza but nobody was taunting or teasing them, it was like very normal thing to do. Another crucial observation that came to my mind was that none of these are expected to be done by girls – these are the things which usually boys engage in. So listening to these off the gender box activities was first-hand experience that brought a smile on my face.

Post this, the participants were asked to fill pre-assessment forms – there was shy smiles, murmuring while engaging in the questions related to sexual organs of male/female, sex, periods. While everyone knew who gets pregnant, most of them didn’t know what are the private organs of boys, child sexual abuse, body image! However filling these questions peeked their curiosity as they asked the meanings of various words, one of the participants also asked if she could share this with her mother. 

In the next activity, the participants were invited to create their identity maps – where they were supposed to write the words or things that they associate with themselves. The zeal and enthusiasm with which girls prepared their identity cards was heartening as this gave them space to know and reflect on themselves, their likes, dislikes, dreams and aspirations.

“I love playing cricket”

“I enjoy playing football”

“I love trying new delicacies. I love food”

“I believe in speaking truth”

“I do only those things that I want to”

“I love doing something new for myself every day”

“I like watching news so that I know what is happening in the world and stay updated”

“I enjoy troubling others, I absolutely love playing video games, playing with my friends”

“I love eating my lunch in the very first period of the school”

“I love English and I wish to teach English one day”

On asking – how did you feel when things you have written in your identity map match with other student?

‘It was fun, we both love singing. Good to know someone else in the class enjoy music as much as I do’

‘It was nothing great to have things in common’

On asking - how did you feel when things you have written in your identity map find no match with other student?

The girl very enthusiastically replied – ‘I am very happy because this means I am different from others- I am unique.’

Post this, the facilitator explained how our identity doesn’t remain same but changes over the course of time bringing in the focus of various identities that we take up during entire life. This was followed by sharing story of a girl exploring her journey from a child to adolescence to adulthood to build a discourse over the importance of having core values during adolescence and paying close attention to those as they decide what your future selves one becomes. The attention and silence here was way different then what we experienced during the same session with the boys.  There were serious expressions and tears filled eyes showing how they were connecting to the story; some or many relating to the story in their own ways. It seemed that they have all these values or experiences somewhere in them but hearing it out aloud provided much needed support which they might be seeking, made them feel validated and in a way inspired them – if this girl can do it, I can do that too!

 The pointed responses as to the values that the girl in the story held on to throughout her life – ‘Honesty, stood for herself, never changed herself for friends or another, always stood up for discrimination, strong willed’ – facilitated the understanding of self-esteem without much a-do.

During the last activity, the participants were invited to enlist the positive attributes they see in themselves. It was interesting to see them crowding around the chart paper that had qualities written, inquiring about the meanings of various words and quickly putting in the sheet as if this quality belongs to them. I was so happy to see almost everyone writing more than 5 positive qualities in their paper with a huge grin and twinkle in their eyes.