'Taunts and comments on everything I did made me realize that I am a girl'

“When I came to know that I am a girl for the first time, I wasn’t happy because my parents never wanted a girl”

The session on physical changes during adolescence is very crucial and challenging because it acts an ice breaker for the course of upcoming sessions as well as creating a space where the participants can feel at ease to share their thoughts and ask questions. However this session becomes even more challenging with the co-ed groups considering that from very early in our lives, it is instilled subtly and many a times very strictly that certain topics shouldn’t be discussed and there are limits to interactions between girls and boys. Hence with this session, Pandora of discomfort, conflict and curiosities open up which could challenge the mindsets, create ruckus and shake beliefs.

During the first activity, the participants were divided into groups and invited to discuss on ‘When did you first come to know that you are a boy or a girl?’

‘My parents told me that I am a boy. When I grew up, I started making friends so I was told to befriend boys. My mom said that girls should remain in home while boys should play outside. Then she send me outside, it confused me’

‘I came to know that I am a boy when my teacher was instructing students to sit on different benches. He told me that you are a boy so you should sit on that bench. I was surprised but didn’t feel happy’

‘My parents told me that you are a boy so you shouldn’t play with girls. We also come to know from our clothes and hairs. It didn’t really made any difference to me’

‘I felt weird when I came to know I am a girl’

‘I came to know that I am a boy when I was in 5^th class. I was sad because my family already had a son’

‘When my ears and nose were pierced then I came to know that I am a girl. It doesn’t really matter to me’

‘When I started wearing payal then I came to know that I am a girl and it didn’t feel different.’

‘We have come to know through our names, our body structure, surrounding environment – how they treat boys and girls differently and also from our clothes’

‘When I was 7 years old, my mother told me not to play outside late evening as it’s not safe for girls’

‘I was told to do household chores rather than playing games as I am a girl’

‘My mother said that how can you roam around wearing underwear- you are a girl and girls don’t just walk around like this’

‘I was sad when I came to know I am a girl as my mother said that you shouldn’t be playing with boys’

‘My mother started taunting and commenting on everything I do and that’s how I came to know that I am a girl’

This last comment pained me – that’s not how someone should feel because of one’s gender especially these young kids. Being a girl is not a curse but the way girls shared their stories brought out the deep rooted orthodox patriarchal mindsets and it felt like being devoid of basic necessity of freedom.

In the next part of the session, the participants were engaged in body map activity; it’s always very interesting to engage and be part of this as it begins with hesitation and confusion, proceeds to curiosity then to really dive into with multiple occasions of shy smiles, hiding parts of body map to giggles and finally the urge to share the answers as well know more about it.

Good things about growing up-

‘We become mature and understand what’s right and what’s wrong for us’

‘Girls become more beautiful than boys’

‘Our mind sharpens’

Bad things about growing up and challenges that we face-

‘Our breasts develops and sometimes that pains so I hate it’

‘We are told to not wear short dresses and always wear clothes that cover our body’

‘Hairs grow all over body especially in our private parts’

‘We are not allowed to go out of house in the late evening or night because it’s not safe’

‘We get periods, experience pain in stomach, legs and weakness because of it’

‘We are scolded for every small things’

‘Anger and irritability increases as we grow’

‘Attraction between boys and girls increases’

‘We get pimples and it makes us look ugly’

‘Girls are told to stay away from boys’

Taking cue from the discussion, various physical changes that take place during adolescence and information about private parts were explained. It was also important to let them know that these changes happen to everyone irrespective to gender during adolescence and it’s perfectly fine to be vulnerable, sad or confused about the changes but it’s crucial to ask if you feel something is not right or if you have questions around what you are going through!