“If I was in her place,
I would kiss him back and may have sex with Ram” says a 12 year old participant
during the session.
The third workshop with
adolescent participants of first group (8A) studying in Government school,
Dwarka is based on ‘Love, sex and consent’. This session is extremely crucial
considering that they are exposed to terms like sex, condom, masturbation, wet
dreams on regular basis not just from media and internet but also in their
daily lives rather in hushed tone. It’s no big surprise that they are inclined
to figure out more about it or probably experiment around it. So, the main
objective is addressing and engaging on all these topics so that they have
clear knowledge, breaking the taboo around them and then building their
capacity to make decision for themselves.
The kind of answers
that we got were alarming-
“I would hug Ram and
kiss him passionately”
“I would marry Ram”
“We would become
boyfriend and girlfriend”
“They were in love so
it’s okay to kiss and probably marry”
So to check whether
they actually kept themselves in place of Paro, we asked them once again-
“I would slap him hard
and runaway”
“I would ignore Ram”
“I would get scared”
“I would feel weird and
sad”
“I would feel shy and
probably run away”
This was the first
moment where we actually see how masculinity is building its strong roots in 12
year old boys! It was scary, and very crucial so we engaged in conversation
around why would she get scared, do you think Ram did something wrong, if you
kiss a girl will you actually marry her when you will grow up?
One of the boy said,
“Ram should have asked Paro before kissing her, both of them didn’t actually
know what other think of them! It could have scared Paro” – from this we asked
the participants whether Ram should have asked or not- surprisingly half of the
class believed that he should have asked while the rest of them denied it
stating that- they were already in love, it’s okay to kiss, she would have
given some signal, made some gestures, also girls don’t always need to say- it’s
upon boys to understand and make the move!
All these comments
directly reflected on the influence of media on the adolescents where in
movies, there are dialogues like “Hassi toh Phansi” “Ladhkiyo ki naa mein hi
haan hoti hai” and others, hence we spoke about how media and real life is
different and why consent is so important and also what if their choices are
violated! This was one of the most difficult conversations we ever had with
adolescent participants but it was worth the efforts.
In the next activity,
the participants were divided into groups of 3 and were asked to share if they
have heard the word ‘sex’ in the spaces where they spend most of their time.
“I was playing a game
on mobile and suddenly there was video of sex that appeared on the top of the
screen”
“When I was a child, I
didn’t had a computer so I used to go to Bhai’s house and that was the time
when I saw a video on his computer”
“I saw a chapter in my
science book about sex”
“I have seen condom ads
on TV, also while surfing various websites, photos of sex appear on screen”
“I saw my friend
kissing a girl in a dark alley”
“There is a bhaiya who
lives in our neighborhood who is also our friend. He got married and after that
he makes number of jokes around sex”
“I saw an advertisement
of condom where they used this word sex to promote condom that was the time I
came to know condom is somehow used during sex”
“While we were talking,
one of my friend talked about sex that he saw on television where two people
are sticking to each other, their clothes are being torn and so on. Then I came
to know about sex and I didn’t like it at all”
“I was going to my
house, then suddenly my eyes fell on a window where a boy and a girl were
sitting very close to each other and were talking something weird. I didn’t
really understand”
“I befriended a girl
when I entered into 8th class. After a while I kissed her and that
time I got a hint how would sex be”
“I have seen
advertisement of condoms, also in films we have seen hero heroine kiss each
other, newspaper and news channel there are news about gang rape- with all
these, I came to know what would sex be?”
“One of my friends told
me that he had kissed his girlfriend, so I asked him what is it? Then he said
that this is sex!”
“I saw an advertisement
where they showed condom on the penis, I was shocked and that’s when I came to
know about sex”
“Me and my friend saw
porn video XXX where a man and woman were having sex”
“I saw video of sex on
my brother’s computer”
“In many of the south
Indian movies, hero says – you are very very sexy to heroine”
“”I have heard my
friends talking about dirty things around sex”
“Friends usually talk
about sex, once I was roaming around and I found out a packet which had
Manforce written on it- my friend told me that it is condom and it is used
during sex”
“I saw someone having
sex in my neighborhood”
“I came to know about
sex through science classes”
“I quite enjoyed
watching a film where hero and heroine were hugging each other, kissing each
other and then having sex”
“I saw in a boy and
girl kissing each other and they were lying on each other in the park”
“I have seen people
doing sex in Nehru Park, in Google apps and in Videomate”
“Whenever my friend
talks about sex I get very excited”
“My friend once asked
me whether I know about sex or not, I didn’t know so he explained me the entire
process”
“I have seen a bhaiya
and bhabhi having sex; bhaiya got condom and start having sex with bhabhi. She
was looking very sexy”
“I have a read a book
which had lot of things related to sex”
“I have seen an uncle
and aunty have sex, aunty was looking sexy”
“I have seen many
English movies where the boy and girl come close to each other, they kiss and
have sex”
“In Hindi films,
villains have forced sex with Heroines”
“I have seen people
kissing and having sex in park”
“My friend told me that
if I want to learn about sex then you can use internet on smart phone, you
should see it in closed room alone. I searched on internet, lot of sex videos
came then I actually understood what sex is!”
It’s very intimating
and conflicting to read these observations primarily for the reasons that they
are very young and so exposed to the information without a filter and there is
no space where they can talk about it. So, while many believe that kissing is
sex, some of them are accidently exposed via advertisements on internet,
television and lot of them are visiting porn websites- definitely not an ideal
place to know about sex. All these conversations keep reminding me of the
questions- what is the ideal age at which sex education should be introduced?
And time and again this gives the evidence of how important our work is in
current scenario.
We then screen “Papu
and Papa- how babies are born” – through this video we engage on what sex is;
how babies are born and when is the right time to have sex!
Second video was based
on condoms – it was interesting to see that boys have captured the information
that use of condom is not just restricted to avoid unwanted pregnancy but to
protect them from sexually transmitted diseases.
In the last part, we
spoke in detail about menstruation and why it is important for boys to know
about it. Lot of crucial questions and observations came up.
“Do girls also use
condoms?”
“Why don’t boys have
periods?”
“Is egg always there in
woman’s body?”
“If penis is short,
will that be a problem”
“Can people do sex
during periods”
“How baby come out of
vagina after 9 months?”
Hence this session had lot of information sharing, bursting the myths, clearing the half-baked knowledge and showing them red flags on various things they are engaging in like using powders or deos on their sexual organs etc.
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