“I was more like a
tomboy, used to go out, do whatever I feel like while growing up, never really
faced or heard anything that I should be doing or not doing because I am a girl.
But everything changed within 10 days just before the marriage. All the freedom
and my joy of flying like a free bird was crushed, I experienced and were
constantly reminded of the things be it as minute as walking of being a girl. ”
shared one of the teachers
For a gender equitable
society, it is very crucial to intervene at every sphere and every segment of
society, with this thought Sahas constantly engages with Police, women,
teachers and other institutions along with the adolescents on gender, sexuality
and reproductive health being center of our work. This time we got an
opportunity to engage with the teachers of Siddharth International School and
St. Kabir’s school in Hisar where we implemented our “Gender sensitization and
capacity building program”
The workshop began with
the brief introduction of Sahas, our work so far and need of gender
intervention with the teacher along with the plan for the two day workshop.
This was followed by the participants introducing themselves and one unique
quality which they wish to share with the larger group. In order to gather
their complete attention, energy and enthusiasm, we did “Ungli Dance”, it went
really well because few teachers immediately volunteered to do the next round
of the energizer.
A discourse was
initiated on agreements needed to build safe sharing space for the two days
since engaging on gender would involve not only in reflecting in their lives
but also sharing of personal experiences. In the first activity, the
participants were invited to pick a chit which had roles and responsibilities
written; then they were told to form two separate lines based on the work
mostly/should/considered as to be done by man and the other by woman. In the
second step of the activity they were asked to form three queues – first where
this particular work can be done by only man, second where the work can be done
only by woman and third by both. This activity is very simple yet very crucial
because from here we start to question gender roles and responsibilities. It
was interesting to see the discussion flow as to how “nurse” can be both male
and female, “help desk” can be monitored both by male and female etc.
At the end- there was
just one participant standing in female queue because she got a chit with
“getting pregnant” written on it, while there was none in male queue and
everyone in “Both” queue. Also an important point about “having beard and hairs
on various parts of the body” came up where one of the participants gave an
example of a sikh lady with facial hairs, quoting this she said that there is
nothing a male can do which can’t be done by woman.
For the second
activity, the participants were divided into 5 groups where each of them were
invited to share “3 key messages they have received being a boy or a girl” in
their respective group followed by sharing the important points in the larger circle.
Immediately after the facilitator’s sharing of her own personal experience, one
of the teachers shared, “when I was very young, I gave lift to my friend on
scooty. Her brother saw us, and thought that she is with a boy (may be thinking
that girls can’t drive). On reaching home, her brother not only scolded her for
driving with a boy but also slapped her. The situation took a weird turn when
her family actually called at my home to confirm that the person (me) is a girl
and not a boy”
Some of the key
messages shared-
“After marriage, all
the changes for example- lifestyle, clothes etc are just for women, men don’t
have to change anything”
“Women have no identity
of their own; it’s always associated with someone else”
“There is a strong
restriction on the age at which a girl should get married, early marriages are
preferred for girls, people think girls would get too old and no one would
marry her”
“A girl is always taunted if something goes
wrong, but hardly appreciated if they do something well”
“We are always told to
dress up, do make up and groom ourselves to look presentable”
“It is always told that
the girls should always maintain physical distance from boys, clinging on boy’s
shoulder and even accidentally touching is frowned upon”
“Girls shouldn’t speak
about periods with their fathers or with brothers and while menstruating we are
told not to go in front of them”
“I was always reminded
that I should be back early in the evening- if I wished to go for a movie –
then series of questions followed like which movie? When? Where? With whom you
are going?”
“It is considered okay
if you speak with someone on phone for about 2-4 minutes, but as the duration
increases, there are questions raised and an obvious dislike is shown in verbal
or non-verbal way”
“In Vrindawan, we have
lot of fairs during the year, but there is huge crowd, and many a times, boys
just touch us inappropriately. We can’t scream, can’t catch them and definitely
can’t tell parents because in that case they would just prohibit us from going
to these fairs”
“These messages are
very clear when we are growing up. Boys and girls play together- in case they
get sweaty or dirty, boys can easily pull out shirts, but girls can’t or even
if their hands go near the hemp, their mothers throw angry glares as if they
are doing the most wrong thing in the world”
“Whenever rotis are
made, the last roti is always given to women, and interestingly if there are 2
rotis left, the one which is at the bottom will be given to the girl and the
one above would be given to the boy”
“I was always told
about the clothes that I can wear which is essentially suit salwar, then where I
could go or not go, with whom I can go or not go because I am a girl”
“Also, there are times
when parents don’t restrict but people living in our neighborhood keep taunting
and poking. For example- once in my college, for particular assignment one of
my classmate who is a boy came to my PG, my parents didn’t actually question
however my neighbors made a ruckus of the situation”
“I have always seen
that all types of restrictions are posed to girls however I saw nothing of this
sort on my brother”
“My marriage was just
fixed and all the preparations were going on. When I came to my house by
scooty, I saw my brother in law with gifts, we just exchanged smiles and hardly
spoke. The same guy went back and told my mother in law that I won’t be good
daughter in law, probably won’t even obey them.”
“A girl is always told
to compromise everywhere, with everyone and at everyplace. So whenever they say
the society has changed- I beg to disagree because we still have to make
compromises”
“So me and my husband
both work, but when he comes back, he doesn’t even keep his back rather I am
expected to offer him a glass of water”
“Women are always
judged by the clothes they wear”
“Our all decisions are
made by the male members of the family be it father, brother or husband, and
whenever we try to do so, we are not only looked down upon but also accused on
our characters”
“At times, I even
wonder why I was born as a girl.”
“We are always made to
feel less important, restricted to household work, after marriage women are
told not to share problems in their parental home”
“Keep yourself covered,
you can’t go alone with friends for trips”
“Our professional
choices are restricted to teachers, receptionist or something where we can come
back and do household chores as well”
“Many of us don’t even
have our own bank accounts or personal savings”
“We are always told
what to do and what not to irrespective of the fact that we are at the
receiving end of the violence why nobody tells boys to learn basic human values”
Interestingly in this
activity, one of the group introduced themselves as “Bold betiyaan” and shared
where they fought back discrimination and inappropriate touch
“I did my education
Darjeeling, where I had to attend night classes. So I had to travel via bus so I
had to be strong enough to fight this fear of being touched or feeling less
powerful”
“I was traveling with
my cousin in bus. It was an overnight journey. A person tried to make undue
advances towards her, so not only I slapped him but also handed him over to
police”
“Our lab attendant made
an advance towards us in exchange of better marks in practical. We got really
scared and then we complained about him to higher authority. Afterwards he threatened
us by saying he would make sure that we would fail. But I didn’t give up and
stand for what seemed right at that moment”
Another interesting
aspect of this workshop was that we had 29 women participants and a single male
teacher; hence whenever a woman shared her messages or personal experience, he
took everything on himself and hence was becoming defensive even after enormous
efforts to make him feel part of the workshop.
So he said, “I have a
daughter whom I love more than my life, I keep her as diamond, and my boy as
iron because my daughter is delicate and I will do everything in power to save
her, and I provide everything whatever she needs. So please don’t feel that
these are restrictions because your parents don’t want to discriminate you,
they want to protect you!”
Again there is a thin
line here, before I could say anything a female teacher replied, “Then we
should let diamonds shine and not keep them in safe!”
One of the teacher
shared, “I was traveling in shared auto and I noticed that the auto driver is
constantly staring at me, I was getting uncomfortable. I got angry and
confronted him. After that I left and didn’t pay him a penny. My marriage was
fixed and all the preparations was going on. But after few days my in laws
broke the marriage because one of the relatives of my in laws was sitting in
the same auto with whom I fought! However my husband came and said that I want
to marry a strong girl like her”
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