“In schools, female
teachers engage with girls on sex education- we do tell them about periods,
sex, precautions and almost everything in details while imparting sex education
to boys we share only do’s and don’ts there are no actual discussion on the
issues they face during adolescence” shares one of the teachers.
Home:
“Males are more favored
in joint families than women irrespective of their age”
“Male dominate decision
making in homes, women are practically clueless or they have to support the
male authority”
“All the outside work
beyond home is men’s responsibility”
“All the financial
chores are managed and controlled by men while women are not really involved”
“Male can go out
anytime, anywhere with or without information, women depend on men for going
out, mostly they seek permission before stepping out of home”
“Men has no tolerance
to issues and lack adjustment while women have to make necessary adjustment”
“Women are held
responsible for children till 12-13 years only beyond this age, men take charge
of the kids”
“Men are supposed to
know everything about women what do they do, where they go and others however
men hardly share about themselves”
“When a boy is born, men
proudly take the credit of the child saying that he is my son, also women’
position is elated by giving birth to a boy”
“In marriage, wife’s
parents are less valued than husband’s parents”
“When the food is
served, male members are served and then women in the house”
“There is no regret
when it comes to expenditure for the men, however it is always calculated and
thought upon when money is spent on girls stating that the money is saved
primarily for their marriage”
“Women need to ask
permission for going to party and mostly they aren’t allowed however men can go
to party whenever they want to”
“Boys can eat whatever
food they want to while non-vegetarian food is prohibited for girls”
“How to adjust in new
situations like marriage and others, boys are never taught to do that but girls
are always reminded about adjustments since their childhood”
School-
“In schools, boys and
girls are made to sit separately even if it is co-ed”
“In Nursery, to 2nd
class or mainly in classes where very young students study will have female
teachers”
“Mostly class teachers
are females”
“Most of the paper work
or administration work with-in school is done by female teachers”
“There are restricted
interactions between male and female students which effects learning ability”
“There is difference in
degree of punishment given based on the gender- boys are subjected to physical
punishment than girls”
“Male teachers can’t
hit or touch girls even if it is meant as a gesture of appreciation, it will
always be seen with suspicion”
“Female teachers are
seen as mother- they would care, offer affection so they touching students be
it as punishment or appreciation is considered okay”
“So if there is a
incidence of misconduct or indiscipline in Female teacher’s class, they are
offered counseling as to how to deal with such a situation while male teachers
in same situation will be warned”
“There is always a
scrutiny on girls behavior – whom she is talking, sitting or what is she doing
while nothing of this happens for boys”
“Interactions between
boys and girls are always judged even if it means sharing of food”
“There is difference in
academic expectations based on gender- girls are always expected to have good
handwriting, excel with great marks”
“There is a huge difference
in the uniform worn by students in the school based on gender”
Workplace:
“In the workplace, men
are supposed to do all the physical work”
“Men are asked to do
night shifts mostly”
“There is a stark
difference in the salary of men and women even if they are posted on same rank
with same work load”
“The shops are mostly
owned by men”
“Decision making is
mostly carried by men, even if women are right about a particular aspect, their
opinion is not heard”
“In case of sexual harassment,
women find it very difficult to report the cases because it results in questioning
their work or character”
“In case of school
functions, male teachers engage in physical work while women are bestowed with
the cultural activities”
Public spaces-
“Mainly men are
shopkeepers”
“Mostly shops has items
used by women”
“Vendors are men”
“Mostly helpers and
sales executives in shops/malls are women”
“Bargaining is done by
women only”
“Drivers and conductors
are men”
“Most of the time men
sits on women’s reserved seats in public transport and it becomes quite taxing
to move them”
“Men mostly offer seats
to women however a woman never offers another women seat even if the other needs
it more”
“Men always tries to
sit next to women in buses so that they can touch them or feel them”
“A man can run, catch a
bus and sit on the roof of the bus but a woman would never do that”
“For men, parks are
source of entertainment; they see it as an opportunity to ogle at women”
“A man can do whatever
exercise, yoga or play games however women are very self-conscious”
“Most of the chefs are
men, while requesting waiter- women addresses them as bhaiya however they are addressed
back as mam”
“Smoking in public is
absolutely a big no for women”
Media-
“The way news are
shown- it brings lot of negativity and increases fear in public- like rape
cases, saints and how the cases are exaggerated however they also show positive
and motivating news like girls excelling in studies, various sports”
“In movies, women are portrayed
as weaker sex and always needing men to protect them, there are rare movies
like Dangal, pink or parched where women get their dues”
“In television series,
there is always unrealistic portrayal or women- in terms of how decorated they
are, women are always pitied against each other, men are fighting for women”
“It’s weird to see magazines,
where women are skimpily dressed and in the body shapes which are highly
unattainable”
“Whatever the commodity
be, for example men’s undergarment or perfume- women would be there- they are
projected as object of desire”
“The way Nirbhaya’s
rape case was handled in media was defining- because it gave motivation to
girls to speak up, raise their voice and not accept the injustice done to them”
Religion-
“Priests, pandits or
higher authority in religion is always men”
“Most of the rituals-
birth, death, and post death are done by men”
“Most of the
celebrations happen when a boy is born in the family”
“While women are having
periods, they are not allowed to engage in religious practices, not allowed to
visit mandir”
“Fasting is always done
by women- and that to for men. For example- Karwachauth”
“In Muslims- parda
system, triple talaq or remarriages and many other practices are gender
discriminating”
With the help of the
above discussion points, concept of patriarchy, its impact on women and men was
explained thereby initiating a discourse to gather participant’s beliefs and
mindsets on same.
After a quick break, we
played a game of “Sheep and wolf” where in participants had to put in lot of
physical energy and strategy, it was interesting to see them play goat and be
out of the circle of wolfs in different ways!
In the next activity,
various statements were read aloud and the participants were asked if they believe
that it is an incidence of “Gender based violence”
Molestation
and eve teasing happens because of modernization- girls wear short clothes, do
late nights/wear makeup: Many
of the participants agreed to the fact that molestation or rape cases are not
because of certain clothes or timings, it is because men wants to exert their
authority or lust, they believe that women are weaker so they can tame them.
However few participants also believe that it is contextual, if someone would
wear shorts or skirts in villages, then obviously people will stare! However, to
counter that people stated that men when in undergarments will never be oogled
by women.
Almost everyone agreed
that men not being able to cry falls under violence- because it is a
human right and how even emotions are gendered.
There was a huge
discourse on the favorite statement “Women should cook”- while women unanimously
agreed that this expectation is weighed upon them since their childhood, they
are taught but why none of the men are instructed on the same. Even when both
the partners work, it falls on women to cook and do household chores. This
situation remains same even when a women has to work, or is ill and many times
she can’t leave the city because her husband or family can’t cook.
“We have a party post
this workshop, and my house is at the other end of the city. Still I will have
to go to my home just to cook food”
“When I was ill for a
long time, all our household work were done by maid but I had to cook food
because no one liked the food cooked by maid”
This discussion also
brought out the point that the men who engages in household chores are said to
be “Zoru ka gulam”- which happened to be our next statement.
“We are three brothers,
so from childhood itself we were taught to do household work, be it cooking,
cleaning etc. and now that I am married I still cook- and you can ask my colleagues they really love the sabzi that I get”
With the insights from
the discussion, gender based violence along with various forms, statistics and
gravity of the situation was explained.
Post this, we screened
3 video clips – one: Komal (a film by child line on child sexual abuse) and two
clips from Bollywood movies depicting the impact of CSA on young adults. This
was followed by explanation of POCSO act. The session became very intense where
one of the teachers shared an experience of her relative (4 years old) being raped
by her uncle. The day closed with the strong emotions and it overwhelmed the participants.
The second day was
designated for capacity building of teachers on gender, however the last day’s
emotions came into play so for next 2 hours, the participants shared their very
personal experiences of violence. One of the teacher shared that her sister who
was mentally disabled was raped by her cousin- this initiated the discussion on
disability, social construction of roles, rape and marriage being used a cure.
Another participant
shared a childhood experience when a lab attendant tried to touch her
inappropriately in exchange of marks, she got scared and ran away. When she
complained to her teacher, he scolded her instead of the culprit. This
experience had left deep imprints because of which she as a teacher always
sends boys to lab for bringing equipment and not girls.
One of the participants
shared that a girl from poor family was married to a boy who was mentally
disable- so she was practically used by the male members of the family- she
doesn’t even know who is the father of her kids?
Another participant
shared her landlord trying to touch her inappropriately, though her parents
shifted her to another house. However recently when she saw her daughter being
hugged by her recent landlord, she got scared to death and then immediately
asked was she comfortable?
One after another
participant kept sharing their experiences along with supporting and providing
strength to each other.
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