When adolescent girls took charge of building their own identity!

“My grandmother wants me to become a teacher. But I wish to become a doctor one day and no matter who tells me what, I would stick to my aim. I will work hard as much as I can to become doctor.”

After working for more than 2 years with the adolescent boys of Government School, Dwarka; Sahas is now in collaboration with yet another Government School for the implementation of ‘gender, sexuality and reproductive health’ program with all girls group. The first session on ‘Identity’ began with the energizer ‘catch the ball and show your crazy side’ – the responses from the participants were very typical for example- I love to study, I like helping people and others. So, the facilitator gave prompts to encourage them to share, also tried sharing some sentences  so that the ones who don’t feel like sharing can raise their hands to confirm whether they have done this or not! The activity took an interesting turn when the session was opened to the participants who were willing to share on their own- one after another, number of girls raised their hands and shared the ‘the crazy thing that they have done!’  

“We were playing hide and seek. We hid the rabbit in the refrigerator as it was coming after us and somehow we forgot about it. Our father found out about it when he opened the fridge for water. He scolded us badly.”

“One day my mother asked me to take care of our tortoise. He kept running here and there, I was trying to catch him but all in vain. Somehow he slipped and fell from stairs-  we couldn’t find me. My mom was so angry”

“I have bunked classes to watch movie with my friends”

“I have jumped in the river”

“Once I was riding bicycle and I ran over a dog. Nothing really happened to him just his tail”

“I enjoy playing cricket”

“My friends and I have bunked classes to organize and attend birthday parties. We do it often and eat pizza too”

The interesting part was that the entire class knew that this set of girls usually bunk classes to go out and eat pizza but nobody was taunting or teasing them, it was like very normal thing to do. Another crucial observation that came to my mind was that none of these are expected to be done by girls – these are the things which usually boys engage in. So listening to these off the gender box activities was first-hand experience that brought a smile on my face.

Post this, the participants were asked to fill pre-assessment forms – there was shy smiles, murmuring while engaging in the questions related to sexual organs of male/female, sex, periods. While everyone knew who gets pregnant, most of them didn’t know what are the private organs of boys, child sexual abuse, body image! However filling these questions peeked their curiosity as they asked the meanings of various words, one of the participants also asked if she could share this with her mother. 

In the next activity, the participants were invited to create their identity maps – where they were supposed to write the words or things that they associate with themselves. The zeal and enthusiasm with which girls prepared their identity cards was heartening as this gave them space to know and reflect on themselves, their likes, dislikes, dreams and aspirations.

“I love playing cricket”

“I enjoy playing football”

“I love trying new delicacies. I love food”

“I believe in speaking truth”

“I do only those things that I want to”

“I love doing something new for myself every day”

“I like watching news so that I know what is happening in the world and stay updated”

“I enjoy troubling others, I absolutely love playing video games, playing with my friends”

“I love eating my lunch in the very first period of the school”

“I love English and I wish to teach English one day”

On asking – how did you feel when things you have written in your identity map match with other student?

‘It was fun, we both love singing. Good to know someone else in the class enjoy music as much as I do’

‘It was nothing great to have things in common’

On asking - how did you feel when things you have written in your identity map find no match with other student?

The girl very enthusiastically replied – ‘I am very happy because this means I am different from others- I am unique.’

Post this, the facilitator explained how our identity doesn’t remain same but changes over the course of time bringing in the focus of various identities that we take up during entire life. This was followed by sharing story of a girl exploring her journey from a child to adolescence to adulthood to build a discourse over the importance of having core values during adolescence and paying close attention to those as they decide what your future selves one becomes. The attention and silence here was way different then what we experienced during the same session with the boys.  There were serious expressions and tears filled eyes showing how they were connecting to the story; some or many relating to the story in their own ways. It seemed that they have all these values or experiences somewhere in them but hearing it out aloud provided much needed support which they might be seeking, made them feel validated and in a way inspired them – if this girl can do it, I can do that too!

 The pointed responses as to the values that the girl in the story held on to throughout her life – ‘Honesty, stood for herself, never changed herself for friends or another, always stood up for discrimination, strong willed’ – facilitated the understanding of self-esteem without much a-do.

During the last activity, the participants were invited to enlist the positive attributes they see in themselves. It was interesting to see them crowding around the chart paper that had qualities written, inquiring about the meanings of various words and quickly putting in the sheet as if this quality belongs to them. I was so happy to see almost everyone writing more than 5 positive qualities in their paper with a huge grin and twinkle in their eyes.

When adolescents engaged in conversations and explored the question of ‘Who am I?”

“I was told constantly by my friends and others that I won’t be able to swim, I can’t swim! Then I learnt swimming- that is the craziest thing that I have done”

‘Gender, sexuality and reproductive health’ intervention with the second set of adolescent boys began with the session ‘Who am I?’ These participants were very different from the previous batch; there was this positive chirpy energy that is inviting and interesting to engage with, though they were naughty with constant murmurs and giggles!

The participants were quite enthusiastic on sharing around the question of ‘the craziest thing you have done’ –

“Mujhe kabutarbaazi ka bahut sauk hai”

“I love playing badminton and doing different exercise”

“I love watching WWE and doing stunts”

“Once few boys who were elder to me, came to threaten me- they thought that they could easily beat me as I am shorter than them but I put up a brave fight. Instead of them harming me in any way, I beat them”

The participants had flair of dramatics which was very entertaining-

“While I was in village, I sneaked out to swim in the river. Somehow my mother came to know about it and she got really angry. She literally put my head in the water and scolded me for sneaking out.”

The participants differed from each other in terms of physical body especially height – so it was quite a shocker when many of them shared that they have bunked, they ride bike, dived into deep waters, engaged in fights and loved doing stunts.

There was pin drop silence while they filled pre-assessment forms with occasional murmuring, giggles and queries. This just reflected on how good the questions are as they could actually capture what the participants were feeling and what thoughts were running in their minds.

“I felt very weird writing answers! I didn’t know many but I guess I have seen sanitary pad in the movie in which Akshay kumar acted.”

“Does peer pressure means the pressure that we go through waiting for results? As in if I fail, I feel like committing suicide”

“One of the boy in my colony committed suicide because he felt pressured because of his friends”

This was followed by the activity where the participants were invited to create their own identity maps – here they were supposed to write the words or things that they associate with themselves which could be their dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes and others! It was impressive and undeniably inspiring to see young hearts dream so big irrespective of the conditions.

“I want to be an astronaut.”

“I want to be a scientist and invent interesting things”

“I love singing and listening to new songs”

“I like girls”

In the next part of the activity, the participants were needed to stand beside the person with whom they share one or more things in the identity maps. It happened for the first time that 7 people couldn’t find a partner with even one similarity.

One of the participants shared, “I felt good that we love singing. I didn’t know that we have this in common. We can pair up, sing together and learn music.”

Another participant shared, “I am disappointed that I couldn’t find a person who share something common with me”

There was this one pair who instead of sharing identity maps with each other were arguing with each other. On asking what happened? Both of them were taunting each other for their body size by calling fat and haddi! They were pacified by explaining how people differ from each other in many ways – one of them being body shape and size and this shouldn’t be the basis of taunting/teasing or argument. In all these conversations, issues of peer pressure, body image and bullying came out with dominance – which just emphasized the need of our curriculum.

In the next part of the session, it was explained how our identity changes over the course of life. In order to understand how values that we acquire during adolescence shape our future selves, story of a girl was shared. The participants were listening so intently that the facilitator actually felt heard, all the eyes were directed towards and responses reflected how thoughtful adolescents are.

‘She always spoke truth no matter what were the conditions’

‘She was hardworking, faced discrimination and rarely had good friends’

‘She wasn’t scared, she is so strong and she never changed for anyone!’

On asking what is that one value they would acquire or hold to themselves –

“I will focus more on my studies”

“No matter who says what, I will never leave music. I will keep practicing and become master in it.”

On hearing this, suddenly lot of other participants started murmuring and one of the said, “he was scolded by the teacher for not singing properly. Sir also slapped him”

The participant responded, “I know, that’s why I said, no matter how many difficulties I face, I would never give up on music”

In the last activity, the participants were invited to write the positive attribute they see in themselves.

“I was going to the tuition when I saw an old woman trying to cross the road. She had lots of things in her hand. I picked up her stuff and accompanied her till home. Her relatives appraised me for being helpful.”

“I am appreciated many times especially when I clean my house”

“I played banjo, my teacher was very happy hearing it.”

Few of the participants were asked to share the positive attributes they have enlisted for their selves. I was amazed the conviction with which they shared their qualities – when one of them said leader – it felt like yes he is leader! So they shared attributes with so much confidence that it seemed that these qualities are made for them.

Post workshop, few of the participants gathered and asked questions like ‘What are condoms?” “What are periods?” So with these pre assessment forms, unknowingly this curiosity has been facilitated and we could actually see them anticipating as to what would happen in the next session!

Exploring “Me” with adolescents of Government School

“I want to do something that no one could imagine, no one could dream.”

Sounds interesting and different! We began our gender, sexuality and reproductive health intervention with first set of adolescent boys studying in Government School, Dwarka by dwelling upon the most tricky yet very simple question of one’s existence ‘Who am I?” After having worked with more than 300 adolescents for over 3 years, we thought to change our approach and bring some twist in the session. There was extensive innovation in terms of activities, sequence, discourse and the way the information needed to be shared so with respect to facilitation, we went with zero expectations with no idea as to how the participants would respond or whether our first session would have same spark as we always have with the workshop on ‘Identity’. And this is what brought us out of our comfort zone and excitement to engage with new set of participants.

The first change was of energizer, where we let go of our most entertaining ‘Ungli Dance’ and replacing it with ‘Crazy thing you have done!’ This actually brought them on edge because being in school and not doing things that bring excitement and fun as this generally includes something which is not supposed to be done- also no one engages in this kind of conversation. So what started with hesitation, murmuring and whispers turned into bunch of interesting things that the participants have done for sheer joy!

“When my parents are not at home, I play games on mobile phone”

“I sneak out when my parents leave home telling me specifically not to go out”

“I enjoy climbing on steep cliffs”

“I want to become scientist which is supposed to be crazy aspiration according to people around me”

Many of them shared that they have bunked classes, jumped into deep waters and pulled out bizzare pranks as crazy thing they have done. This activity made us realize that the question that was asked as part of the energizer was abstract or more of reflective which could be perfect to engage with young people however with adolescents/children we would need more of prompts to support them to take that leap as they are not usually in the space of reflection and sharing. It could be a great practice for them to open up and speak their mind without the fear of judgment.

In order to understand their level of knowledge on the various issues of adolescents – whether they have heard these things or experienced or not know, we gave them pre assessment forms. We were not very sure as how the participants would engage – doubtful as to whether they would get bored or annoyed by filling these questions, however we received exact contradiction of our assumption.

“Yeah, this is one of the crazy exams that I have ever appeared in”

It was an amazing experience where instead of us giving them introduction of Sahas’s work and what will be happening in the coming weeks, they got the idea from the assessment. There were giggles, murmuring around the words sex, condom, periods and this created an unexpected vulnerable space where the participants were thinking, talking and putting their thoughts aloud creating a buzz for the upcoming sessions.

“I think many of us would know something about the questions, he is not saying here because he is embarrassed just come to our class- he is the one who explains most of the things”

In the next activity, the participants were invited to create their identity maps which brought out their likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations and what irks them most.

“I love cooking food”

“I want to become choreographer”

“I wish to become a famous scientist one day”

“I love singing, playing different instruments and just being alive in the music”

“I clean my house very well and I receive lot of appreciation for it”

One of the identity maps that caught my attention was where this participant had mentioned everything that he hates!

“I wish to beat those people who do wrong things”

“I hate poor people”

“Why don’t people mind their own business, why do they have to meddle into other’s business?”

“People tease and irritate me a lot. I don’t like that”

All these statements were very strong, reflected a lot about the person and this is probably the intention of the activity where the participant could find their core! It was also interesting to see that none of the boys had written ‘being a boy’ as their identity.

In the next part of the activity, they had to stand with the other participant who share one of their points from the identity map and engage with each other on the statement- ‘how did you feel when you came to know about the similarity?”

One of the participant shared, “I felt good because he had already shared how I felt. So I didn’t have to say it in front of everyone.” This boy is bullied and taunted for being overweight. The similarity of experiences support them in understanding that they are not alone, there is someone like them experiencing the same thing – that gives strength and helps them to fight odds.

There were two people who didn’t get any partners, one of them shared, “It felt good that no one had shared same features as mine. I am different and unique.”

This conversation and their aspirations were like positive rainbow that gives hope and inspire me to keep going. Post this; the facilitator shared a story of a girl in order to build discourse on how important is to hold on to certain values as they are the foundation stone for your future self. It was overwhelming to see how participants went from chirpy self to listening intently – relishing and valuing the objective of the said story.

The last activity was the highlight of the entire session which explained the self-esteem in altogether a new light. This also gave infusion of positive energy as by the end of the activity, the participants were beaming with a smile, listing not one or two but number of their positive attributes. The vulnerable space found a closure when the students could list down the qualities that they think they have irrespective of what others make them believe!