‘Why do you want to join Police forces, you could just become a teacher’

“To say that our language is gendered is an understatement because even the varnas used to form words in Hindi for example has clear distinction of male and female- badi ee is used in terms of things addressed to women and bada uuh while addressing men”

The fact that common people find it difficult to report cases of gender based violence to Police and are too scared to approach them for any sort of help has always baffled me. The existence of this very institution is to support people to get justice but the reality is far from this considering that Police is infamous for their insensitivity, callous attitude and extremely laid back approach towards solving crimes. Hence, the basic objective of gender program with Bhopal Police was to make them gender sensitive so that they treat people who approach them for help as people and not as cases! Secondly, they don’t impose gender stereotypes or judgments over the people and discourage them from filing complaint for example – in case of domestic violence, police had often advised victim to go back to her husband in the name of saving family and honor.

The gender program with Bhopal Police was crucial for many reasons; one being that each of the participant would be posted as SP in different districts of Madhya Pradesh; the power that comes with this position can support so many people and curb gender based violence on large scale.

The 2 day gender intervention began with an introduction game where the participants were invited to share their names and one unique quality they wish to share with the group. This was followed by sharing the intention of the program and agenda for the day 1. 

It was joyful to watch stoic and straight faced trainees grinning like small kids while trying to follow the steps of ungli dance. 

Through chit activity, we engaged on gender roles and responsibilities while establishing that it is the physical anatomy that differentiate men and women. I was surprised to see that one of the participants claimed that being scientist is a women’s role on asking to name few – he could just share Madam Curie’s name. I have realized that in every gender workshop, there would be few people who are self-acclaimed gender sensitive however when it comes to implementation in real life or even the discussion about it, they fall flat.

The participants were then divided into groups and each of them were invited to share 3 key messages that they have received because they are girl or boy.

‘If you want to go out to roam around, then take your brother along with you’

‘All the things are given to brother first’

‘Girls are asked to focus on basic education and not to get diverted in other activities’

‘You have to earn money and do a job’

‘What will you do by studying so much?’

‘You need to serious about things, stop fooling around’

‘Go watch the fields; go get gas cylinder from the shop and you have to get things from markets’

‘Girls are supposed to help in household chores’

‘Girls don’t need to find job’

‘Don’t be like girls! Why are you this quiet, you need to be assertive and vocal.’

‘You are boy, you don’t need to sweep floor’

‘Whatever it is, girls shouldn’t chose police force as career’

‘Girls shouldn’t go out in night’

‘Being a girl, we are asked to remain careful and obedient’

‘Respect and honor of the family depends on girls’

‘ladhke ho kabhi pitkar ghar mat aana’

‘Why are you crying like a girl?’

‘Higher posts in Police like DSP are designed for men’

‘Why would you participate in a drama, you are a boy!’

‘Mard ko dard nahi hota hai’

‘Boys can only lead the legacy of family in the future’

‘Ladhkiyo ki tarah choodiyan kyu pehn rakhi hai, kuch karo’

 ‘A family should at least have one son’

‘You are not fit for police, you shouldn’t play cricket or go out in night’

‘Girls shouldn’t raise their voice, or argue and must stay at home’

‘Don’t gossip like girls’

‘Don’t put cream, powder like girls’

‘Boys can go to wrong path, and bring trouble but girls always take care of their parents no matter the situation’

‘Take mathematics in 11^th because it’s girls who takes biology’

‘Boys are easily sent to other city/town for further studies’

‘Don’t be all shy and embarrassed like girls’

‘Why do you want to join Police forces, you could just become a teacher’

‘You must learn to cook food after all you have to go to your husband’s house once you get married’

‘Learn as much as you want but at the end of the day, you have to go home and cook food’

‘Ask for permission whenever you have to go out’

‘Ladhkiyo ko field wali job nahi karni chahiye’

‘She has come to marriageable age, why are you making her study just get married’

‘Be responsible, and don’t interfere in someone else’s matter; don’t talk to boys’

‘Don’t laugh loudly or make noises while laughing’

‘What will you do with android phone? Your husband will buy one for you! Saying this to girls so easily however buys an expensive phone for boy’

Through the game of Chinese whispers and co creating story with the participants, we defined gender, how it impacts our lives deeply from the childhood, its integration in our lives as if it is way of life making it difficult for anyone to challenge it at the same time supporting the participants to understand that gender norms, stereotypes and notions can be challenged.