“Mam,
I just want to make one thing very clear. People here are graduates, post
graduates and have cleared PCS and some of them are PhD's, if all this education
hasn’t made them gender sensitive then you or any other person can’t change
their mindsets however you wish to try ”
‘It
seems like you are trying to emphasis that we are not gender sensitive! We are
very much aware of gender. This sort of workshop should be implemented on
villagers or people from low economic background because they don’t understand
gender discrimination and causes violence! Why don’t you educate them?’
‘You
keep talking about how police should be made gender sensitive, don’t you think
Police is already burdened with the work and public has so many unreasonable
expectations from the Police. I would advise you to hold camps for general
public to educate them to be sensitive while reporting to Police and telling
them the real situation. It’s not like we are superman who would wave the hands
and catch the culprit! ’
When
I was invited to conduct gender sensitization program with Bhopal Police, I was
extremely pumped up, bubbling with so much enthusiasm and so excited because
these participants would be placed as CSP in the different Police stations in
Madhya Pradesh. Imagine a police station where leadership position is occupied
by someone who understands gender discrimination, who could be sensitive to
people’s issues and can provide support to GBV victims! With this objective, we
planned to engage them keeping in mind that their identity is not restricted to
their position as Police personnel but as people in the society who faces the
brunt and challenges of being Police!
The
first interaction with the participants was a huge setback to my enthusiasm and
hope because unlike the expectation from people in uniform, they arrived the
workshop space leisurely without giving a damn to schedule and the response was
‘Police is assumed to arrive late at the crime scene!’ or ‘first let the crime
happen, then only police arrives’ – I was surprised by their behavior, I am
never against a good humor but using the most judgmental statement to cover up
your doing made me think that this engagement would be challenging enough.
There was this reluctance and strong resistance to the proceedings of the session
right from the very beginning – when they are asked to engage in a group
activity: they simply wrote their individual experience and passed on to the
others avoiding a simple interaction within the group. I won’t deny that the conversations
that came out from the activity were very crucial and genuine but they clearly
weren’t comfortable letting their own colleagues get glimpse of their live;
there was strong sense of mistrust.
I
have worked with so many adolescents, women, young people and Police in past,
but I have never came across bunch of people who behaved like millennial that
seemed more focused on their own selves, concerned about chai and samosa and
throw tantrums like kids who aren’t given candies! I could see that they were
carrying masks, didn’t want to real share their own experience but the point is
gender is not about others, it’s about oneself – until you find the straight
connection, you would never consider it as problematic! Why because it’s not
your issue! It’s someone else’ problem – and unfortunately having position of
Police, you are expected to solve crimes that includes GBV so here goes the
loop. But their facade slipped while we engaged on gender differences that are
experienced in different spaces of life: home, workplace, education, media,
religion and public spaces. It was interesting to see that here they no longer
behaved like gender sensitive police participants but as people who encounter
gender discrimination or are part of differential behavior based on gender and
sexuality. The look of disgust while talking about homosexual relationships or
transgender gave a glimpse of their hidden mindset.
However
the entire facade busted while engaging on Gender based violence statements;
the way male participants got angry and started yelling on statements like ‘Cooking
is for women’ ‘Men can force themselves on their wives’ ‘It’s because women
wear modern clothes, they get rapped’ – initially everyone gave a very balanced
and nice answers but on probing they became the voices of society that dictates
that what women should do or wear or how family’s honor depends on her! I was appalled
as to how consent of the wife is taken for granted or not even acknowledged
just because she is married. And they had the audacity to hide behind law but
on being reminded of basic human rights – they attacked me and questioned my
values for not standing with men? I don’t understand one thing – whenever we
talk about violence against women or basic women rights why men form these
groups and starts shouting about men’s rights and #notallmen, but I never said
that all the men, all I wanted was them to acknowledge that with the kind of
society, women are never given a choice and many a times they don’t even know
that they have a choice! How difficult it is for people to understand this
basic thing? And I can understand this, when people aren’t aware of gender but
with the people who constantly ramble about being gender sensitive and
inclusive it is bothersome!
This
session also had a very interesting twist, when we spoke about ‘men can’t cry’
or ‘men who do household chores are not real men’ received support from both
male and female participants. To be honest it was more of ladies who advocated
that this is violence and men shouldn’t have to go through this and it received
no resistance. I was not surprised because this is what happens in real life,
everyone seems to be so protective of men but the moment you say women all hell
breaks loose! What was even more sad was the same women participants who agree
that they had no choice but to learn cooking and many other things as part of
growing up didn’t really thing that this is discrimination and it is something
that is easily negotiated in this progressive world. I wish to know that fancy
world where they live because the kind of society I come from, everything comes
with a struggle (considering I am from National Capital of India).
The
thing that I won’t be able to forget for long was this role play that one of
the group prepared where a rape victim comes to Police station for help. They
were amazing and especially the boy who played the role of rape victim was so
on point, unfortunately the entire group erupted into laughter! It was a
breaking point for me- the whole scenario was callous, unforgivable and
extremely disastrous! These are the people who would be leading police stations
in a span of 2 months who are laughing at rape victim? Atrocious and shameful! No
wonder people have so many judgments about police personnel. Although few of them
came next day apologizing for their behavior and giving an excuse that they
laughed because of the person who was acting and not because he was rape
victim! Honestly I failed to get the logic behind this, and it reminded me of
the recent rape case where a SP was caught laughing during a press conference
in Bhopal.
If
this was the experience on first day, second day was even more challenging –
the objective for the day was to engage them in self work, to give time for
them to interact with their own self considering how much they have to engage
with violence in everyday life and then connecting it with their role as Police.
But as soon as the activity started, they started showing discomfort and
deflecting the situation; some of them even laughed at the ones who were
genuinely trying to understand and take part in the activity.
‘What
do we get out from this activity? What are the fruits or profit out of it? My
personal life is no one’s business, if I wish to talk about my issues then I
will talk about it to my near and dear ones and not with these people.’
‘There
are things that we can’t even share with our parents or partners or
husband/wives; why would I share here! I don’t trust them! Also this won’t help
me as police which is my job!’
‘How
sharing here will help solve my problems? Can any of them or you tell me
solutions? No and why would I hear your suggestions? We have our image that we
need to maintain and I wouldn’t tarnish it for any workshop. What would these
people think about me? And what if they share this outside?’
This
was interesting because we never asked them to share their deep dark secrets or
issues with the group, it was invitation to share any experience from your
life! Though this flared up so much that for about 1 hour I was surrounded by
20 people questioning, interrogating, charging and throwing accusations at me.
I have never experienced so much negativity but at that point I answered every
question which irked them even more. If patriarchy had a physical appearance,
power was in form of a weapon, then invariably I felt like the target. What was
even more amusing was the reaction of female participants!
‘We
are very gender sensitive group. Here I have never seen boys dominating girls;
in fact in our group, it’s the girls who dominate boys!’
While
we were playing the game of wolf and sheep; as always they weren’t being very
serious about it so they let go of the girl who volunteered as sheep without
any resistance; then they kept shouting and yelling at the boy who became sheep
next time stating that this is how wolves react. The next time, they kept
asking me to volunteer as sheep, and I did. So when I succeeded in escaping the
circle, I heard men saying ‘Damn it, how did you let her go! We could have
easily trapped her’. Interesting trying to do actual violence with me – nope I
am not that easy!
Following
this, a very small incident happened where I asked one of the participant to
not do something because he was constantly disturbing the group. Before the
said participant and I could interact, one of the girl jumped in between and
started accusing me of being finicky and asked do they have to ask to breathe
too so that you are not disturbed! I could only laugh at that accusation.
The
constant remark that we should be giving them solution as to make police force
better and gender sensitive was wonderful! I was not there to give them advise
or solutions but to make them understand and question the existent system of
discrimination and patriarchy. When I said the same thing, one of the girls got
angry and said, “If you can’t give us solution, then why are you here, it’s not
like we don’t understand gender! We are very sensitive about it; it is
illiterate people who need gender sensitivity” Yes, hilarious enough because a
gender activist or to say a common person will teach you how to do your duty?
Isn’t that something that is taught to you in your training or how in the world
you cleared the exam!
So,
taking their concerns, frustrations, accusations and complaints we engaged with
them on what it means to be a police and what are the challenges they face
being Police? This was most interactive and peaceful session – why? Because we
were asking about their problems – they listed more than 50 of them complaining
lack of man power, finances, hierarchy, technical advancements, expectations of
public, solving crime is their job but it leads to personal rivalry, extremely
difficult working hours, poor image of police created by media, lack of
holidays/off days, too much training and many others! It was like a dam being
opened which was refusing to be sealed. While I do agree and empathize that
some of the problems are very important and need to be addressed but the
crucial point is none of these participants were ever posted in any Police
station so without being on ground they were talking about problems! Also weren’t
they aware of all this, while they sat for the exam to be in Police? This is
the hypocrisy in colorful words because we as people don’t want to take responsibilities
rather complain about situations; in this case they haven’t even faced these
situations. When I pointed out this tiny fact, the entire room went silent.
I
took this opportunity to bring very crucial point into light that it is
important for us to figure out solutions to the present situation rather than
keep complaining about things because it is us who can do it, problems will not
solve themselves. Do we have capacity to do that or do we want to be in spiral
of complaining about issues?
Though
the 2 day intervention was challenging in so many ways, I could see disruption
in the pseudo gender sensitive mindsets, a chaos that was making them question
their own beliefs and yes a huge ripple in the calm waters of patriarchal and
power driven thoughts.
‘I
wanted to come and speak to you at the end of the workshop. I am so so inspired
by you and the way you engaged with us on the most sensitive issues that our
society doesn’t even want to acknowledge. I want to be like you, and I am so
moved by your determination – when all 25 of us were questioning and throwing tantrums
you stood on your ground and didn’t move from your intention. I wish girls can
be like this. Trust me each of us are rattled and you will be tormenting our
minds for long long time!’
‘Mam,
trust me this is the most interesting conversation I ever had on gender issues!
All the seminars start from the podium and end there, but you took a big leap
and tried to enter our well- guarded mindsets and facade! Never met someone so
determined!’
And
so yes I think something will change from all these conversations!
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