“It’s not only women who cook food, have you
seen that in the 5 star hotels, or most of the renowned hotel, chefs are Men!”
“But, in the hotels and
restaurants, people are paid to cook food, whereas women cooking in the home is
not even considered a job, it is counted as a responsibility!”
The session began with
few statements being read by facilitator and then participants were invited to
share their opinion as to whether they consider this statement as violence or
not.
“Molestation and eve teasing happens because of
modernization- girls wear short clothes, do late nights/wear makeup”
With the very first
statement, the focus came on the recent “Kathua rape case” in which a minor
girl was gang raped and brutally murdered. The discussion began with the
thought that the context of the place does matter, so here in a small village-
people will stare or talk if a girl is wearing jeans forget about shorts
however, the same girl can wear whatever she wants in metro city, no one will
raise a finger. But then immediately this point was counteracted with the
number of rising cases of molestation in metro cities. The discussion was
concluded that rape/molestation/eve teasing has nothing to do with what a girl
wears, at what time she goes out, or what her age is simply because women in
sarees, clad in burkha, barely few months old, elderly woman of 70 years have
been raped and not to forget about the violence that women are subjected in
their own homes.
“Boys
shouldn’t cry”
All the men
in the workshop unanimously agreed to the fact that this statement itself is
violence, because even men are human beings, they have emotions and letting
them out when they are hurt is no crime. Since childhood, boys are taught not
to cry, not to be weak, so all this emotions keep piling up and there seems no
way to let it out so many of them resort to some sort of intoxication and many
of them become emotionally numb too.
“Women
should cook food”
All the
participants were shocked, and were looking at each other with disbelief. Few
of them immediately refuted stating that violence is a strong word and cooking
is a household chore so it can’t be equated to violence. But this statement
turned out to be the most debatable, interesting and engaging one. There were
arguments like
“If a man
is working throughout the day, then what will a woman do if she is at home
doing nothing?”
“A woman even
if she is working, pregnant, ill, or in any namely circumstances, the
responsibility of cooking falls on her”
“We are
taught to cook food and do household chores from early age with a warning that
if we didn’t learn that our lives would be miserable, we are not even given
options. Are boys told something like this as eligibility for marriage?”
“I think marriage
is about compromise, if we keep fighting over small things like I have cooked
today then the husband should cook tomorrow if not then there will be fight,
that’s not our culture!”
“What if
you are asked to cook food for coming 10 years for all three times with no pay.
Don’t you think that would be violence?”
“You are
right, cooking is a thankless job! We take it so for granted, don’t even bother
helping, we are always making demands”
“Mam, after
this discussion, I guess most of us will go and help in cooking food for our
family”
“Thank god,
this discussion is not going live on television, otherwise from tomorrow we all
have to engage in household work. I didn’t even know how to chop vegetables”
Touching a
student inappropriately (be it male or female) without their consent
All the
participants unanimously agreed that this is violence
Men doing
household work or cooking food are zoru ka gulam
The discussion
over this statement took a hilarious turn when one of the male teacher said that he doesn’t mind being
called one because he really loves his wife and helps her in all the household
work. Also, they shared that it’s not just men who use derogatory statement
towards other man who supports his wife, but even women say this. Many a times,
their own mothers have stopped them from helping wife, sometimes wife says that
you are not a woman to engage in this work and also the kind of nasty comments
men are subjected to when they want to support the women in their lives, so yes
this also is counted under violence.
Repeated negative
comments about a person’s appearance (fat, thin, black or too white) , sexual
orientation , lifestyle, family, or culture
It was one of the most intriguing
discussions where a participant shared
how due to his religion particularly in this part of Jammu, he was subjected to
violent threats by people and also his own colleagues didn’t support him and he
almost lost his job. There were lot of sharing on how being a male or a female
teacher also put them under judgments by other staff members or parents and the
consequent struggles.
Taking the cues from
the elaborate discussion, gender based violence and its various types were
defined and explained.
In the next part of the
session, an animation film “Komal” by Child line was screened followed by
building an understanding on “child sexual abuse” and “POCSO act”. This was
very crucial because the cases of child sexual abuse have become rampant and
children consider their teachers as trusted adults so they must be equipped
with adequate knowledge on the same.
While I was leaving, a
teacher came to me, she held my hand and with a small smile said, “I can’t
tell you how proud your parents must be, they are so lucky to have a daughter
like you. The way you facilitated the session, I could understand things
clearly. All these issues are so crucial, we as teachers struggle with them on
daily basis, many a times very helpless. But seeing you people engaging on
these issues bring so much hope. I can see the change happening and I feel
proud”
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