After a reflective and
learning workshop ‘Buland Irade’ and a day trip to Mcleodganj, we were heading
back to our respective places. All the other people had their train from
Pathankot cantt station while I was travelling alone from Pathankot to Delhi. I
was happy as I love travelling alone and I needed space for myself after the
workshop. It was about 9 pm in the night when I reached railway station. The
lane leading from the main road (which had 2-3 shops) to the station was narrow,
dingy and dark, there were no street lights. As I walked with small steps, the
darkness crept into my heart, I was feeling scared.
I was told initially
that Pathankot station is quite lively, there are shops open even at night and there
would be quite a number of people, but there were few people loitering here and
there, few sitting on the chair waiting for their train. I was relieved to see Daulatdhar
express already standing on the station, so hurriedly I tried locating my
coach. I saw a man following, his gait was weird, probably he was drunk, so I sat
down but he kept walking, turning around and staring at me. I was badly
uncomfortable so I shouted at him asking for what he actually wants? To my horror
he turned back with a grin, “Can I help you? I thought you are alone, you might
want something?”
I didn’t know how to react;
I just gave him a dirty look. His stares kept haunting me until he disappeared in
the darkness ahead. I was feeling hungry, I thought it would be better if I could
go back to main road and get something to eat, however the thought to walk on
the same dingy lane was scary. Left with no option, I walked back gathering all
the courage, there was nothing great to eat, so I ordered aloo tikki bun. As I waited
for the food to be made and cooked, I saw another two men sitting close by, constantly
staring at me and drinking beer! Horrified I asked the food vendor to pack my
food fast, I was scared and in my mind I was figuring out how will I run if
anyone of them makes an advance at me? There was dingy lane ahead and dark road
on the other side.
“tring…tring..” lost in
the thought, I heard the voice, “madam ji aapka phone baj raha hai”. With all
the chaos happening inside and outside, my bag fell down. The man came closer,
his eyes hovering up and down on me tried picking my bag, before anything else
would have happened my food was ready. I thanked god, hurriedly I picked
everything and with heavy steps I moved back to the station. Finally I found
out my coach as well, there was time before the doors would open so I sat on
the chair reading the beautiful book by ‘Amrita Pritam’.
I was feeling uncomfortable
as if something was wrong! I looked up, I saw a man (he was someone who had
authority to take care of the rest rooms) staring at me. He was big, dark, half
bald, with big black moustache, he was wearing a shirt which was shabbily
coming out of his pants- he was rubbing his chest with his hands, which was
sometimes going down as well. The constant glares were creepy, I tried ignoring
him. I didn’t really know what to do? What if I shout at him and he comes back
to me? Moreover there was a couple sitting behind me, so I was little okay.
After a while, the couple walked away, I was left alone. Now I freaked out as I
could see him advancing towards me. In my mind I had already made plans of how
to hit him, where to hit him and then running away, because I couldn’t see
anyone who could help me. There were handful of people here and there but
begging for help could hardly be of help. I was ready, he was coming closer,
more closer, everything was blurring down… my heartbeat was fast…faster, I thought
I would die, he sat down leaving one chair in between. Now he was few inches
away, still staring at me without blinking.
“Ghadi khul gayi hai,
chalo jaldi jaldi” oh! Nothing brought more peace to my life than this one
sentence. Within seconds, I picked up my luggage and ran towards the train. Relieved,
I was glad that I was inside the train. But this happiness survived for only
few minutes. Why? Because there were only 2 passengers in the coach, me and another
man in the adjacent seat!!
I was wondering why all
these things were happening to me? Thankfully this man didn’t say anything to
me, didn’t stare at me, instead he spoke on phone with someone and then started
hearing songs. Finally the train started, I adjusted my blanket and got inside
it wondering how terrible it is for a girl to just travel alone in night.
However you are, beautiful, ugly ( I don’t really believe in these terms),
slim, fat, wearing shorts, sari or jeans you are always under scrutiny, under
scanner of peering eyes, uncomfortable gestures, stalking and other extreme
form. I was in a public place where there were people, still there were eyes
following me, staring at me, looking at me lustfully, and making me feel like
piece of skin!
I was clueless as to
what they must be achieving or gaining pleasure by just looking at me? The demon
of violence is so ingrained that people don’t realize they are playing with
someone’s modesty! Though I was scared and I am still horrified, my inner self
is now more determined towards curbing gender based violence.
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