Debunking taboos, myths and shame around periods with the adolescent girls.

“Whenever I see sanitary pad commercials it makes me feel weird. One day, in the school, pads were distributed that time I wasn’t aware of what they are. So I took it home and showed it to my mother; she quickly snatched it from me and kept it in locker. I was surprised by her action, next day I asked her as to why this was given to us? My mother was very uncomfortable and hesitantly told me that girls use this during periods, and without looking at me further she started doing her work! This made me feel even weirder. However I got to know more about it. Now whenever I see sanitary pad and think of the moment when I would be getting period, I wonder how would I manage? This fills me with a weird fear.”

When you hear a 12 year old who hasn’t got periods and still is fearful of sanitary pads or menstruation; it makes me feel wonder about various things – people often say boys and girls are equal, girls are able to achieve indefinite heights which they couldn’t imagine few years back, education is making gender equality a reality! There is so much freedom that is provided to adolescents nowadays? But here a young girl is scared of a physical change that might happen in the near future which is important for her health, but the way people react around her have done nothing but instilled fear in her! This whole idea of distributing sanitary pads/cotton pads/new NGO made biodegradable pads etc. has become a regular thing in current scenario to promote sustainable living or in wake of environmental issues but just handing over the pads – does that really solve the issue? In a country such as ours where the word periods is not even said aloud in conversation while asking for a pad and is crowded by all myths/whims/don’ts – distributing sanitary pad makes sense – in this it is actually scaring the little girl. 

The session on ‘periods’ with the girls of Government school gave us numerous perspectives, challenged us in many ways including the fact that 60% already had periods and rest have just heard about it- To engage on the conversation on one of the most tabooed topic in a way to impart information keeping in mind not to scare the girls who still have to get periods was difficult but provided us with the huge responsibility.

The session began with showing ‘sanitary pad’ to the class that erupted diverse reactions – giggling, murmuring, shy smiles, some people just refused to look at it, disgusted face and curious face. We took a step further and invited the participants to try and touch the pad – now the thing is seeing the pad and touching it was definitely pushing them out of comfort zone – the reaction to it was as if someone has asked them to touch a bomb! The horror on the faces was extremely alarming indicating the depth of ignorance that they have been forced upon even before experiencing their first periods however I was quite happy to see few of the girls coming ahead and touching the pad. The smile after touching the pad as if it is the most normal thing to do was path breaking not just for the participants but also for us.

In the next activity, the participants were invited to write ‘their first experience of having periods’ and the ones who didn’t have periods ‘how did they feel when they hear about periods and sanitary pad?’   

‘I was in school when I had my first periods. I went to washroom and saw blood coming out of my private part, I got really scared. I asked my mom as to what is happening to me? My mom told me that I was having periods and that would happen every month. I started crying and thought why this is happening to me’

‘When I first had my periods, I felt weird. I was sad as to why this is happening to me. But now I am used to it.’

‘When I was in 6^th class, we went for a trip. I went to bathroom to change my clothes, I was shocked to see my clothes being soaked in blood. I was so-so scared because I didn’t know about periods. I thought if I tell my mother, she will beat me. She would ask how the hell I got such a huge injury because everyone in my family is aware of how naughty I am. I slept just like that trying to forget what happened to me. When I got up, the entire bed sheet and my clothes were painted red which scared me even more. My mother saw this and asked me how this blood came all over the bed? Hesitantly I told her everything. Thank god she didn’t scold me and told me about periods’

‘I was very scared when I first got periods. My sister told me bits about what they are and she helped me a lot. She also told me that we should wash our own clothes during periods. I was very uncomfortable initially and felt weird for first few months. I experience lot of stomach pain during these days and unfortunately can’t even have medicine for it.’

‘I am not having periods but once my mother told me that I would also have this! I wonder why a girl would have periods.’

‘I still haven’t got my periods but whenever I hear about them I feel weird. I think I would experience lot of problems when I would have menstruation like others. I always wonder whether it is important to have it or not. How would I behave if I get periods?’

‘I have got periods 2-3 months back, when I was getting my brother and sister from the school. I felt something wet so I went to bathroom to check. I felt weird and this feeling increased when my mother told me that I am having periods. I was so angry while putting pad.’

‘I have so many questions about periods- what it is, why it happens to girls? Whenever we get pads in school, I give them to my mother. I asked my elder sister about it once, she just waved it off by saying that I didn’t need to know about it; when you will get you would know.’

‘I wonder why this just happens to girls. I wonder what all difficulties I would have to face when I will have my periods.’

‘Whenever I see pads in advertisements, I understand that it’s an important thing for girls and it shouldn’t be mocked about. Then why do people make fun of it?’

‘I felt dirty and I cried a lot when I had my first periods’

‘Whenever I see advertisement about pads on TV, I feel weird. Whenever someone talks about it – I feel dirty. Hearing about periods and pads scares me badly’

‘I am scared about what will I do if I have periods in the school? Whenever my mother tells me about periods, I get so angry as to why such things happen only to girls?’

‘Whenever I see the advertisement on TV, I feel pretty weird and also ashamed. I try and change the channel as soon as possible. I wonder what I would do if I get periods’

‘I haven’t got my periods. All this conversations make me wonder why only girls have periods. I am scared as to when, where and how periods will happen to me, where would I be, will there be somebody with me while I have my periods. All these thoughts scares me and I don’t feel good at all’

‘It is weird to see advertisements about sanitary pad on television because papa, grandfather and others also watch TV. I wonder why it is necessary to show such ads’

‘When my teacher told me sanitary pads are used by girls – I was too surprised’

‘I wonder whether my mother also gets periods and how she feels about it. When does one get periods and in what time intervals?’

‘I wonder till when we would be having periods? – throughout the lives?’

‘I got my periods when we had vacations. I went to washroom where I saw blood coming. I thought I have got hurt but then I realized that was not the case. I was crying profusely, I couldn’t stop and then I told my mom who told me that I was having periods’

Post this; we shared what exactly periods are? Why they are important? What happens when one gets periods? What are pads, how are they used, why do we need them, alternatives to pads, importance of cleanliness during periods and so on. 

This was followed by one of the most crucial aspect of conversation on periods – taboos or the don’ts that are told to girls about periods!

‘Shouldn’t eat pickles, don’t go to kitchen and cook food’

‘Girls should wash their clothes while on periods’

‘Girls are resigned to separate rooms. In villages, girls are locked in the room.’

‘The boys should never know about this’

‘Don’t go near temples, you shouldn’t engage in physical activities and don’t lift heavy stuff’

‘Walk properly, don’t sit with your legs spread out’

‘Stay away from plants (Tulsi), don’t water the plants while on periods’

‘Avoid hot, greasy food’

It was very important to engage on every point, discussing how much of this statement has logic or are we just following things because they are told to us? The one point that we specifically discussed was ‘whether boys should be aware of this or not?’ citing examples from our work with boys! This definitely was an eye opening and gender stereotype debunking conversation for girls when they understood that if boys are aware about periods – they could be supportive rather than being a nuisance. 

One of the important point that came out was that the girls were no longer feeling shy to ask, their curiosity was visible and it was welcoming post Puberty session because that’s what we aim for – assuring them that it’s okay to ask questions rather than following things that are just told to us as it helps us not only grow but make rational decisions.

The session was concluded with the participants presenting their understanding of periods and associated taboos through role plays. In the first play, a girl gets periods in the school, she doesn’t know what to do so she shares it with the teacher who comforts her and then informs her mother. On reaching home, her mother shares what are periods and why it is important all the while insisting that this is normal, it happens to every girl of her age and this indicates she is growing in a healthy way. 

Other group too got the similar situation – the striking point was instead of mother going to the school, her father picks up the girl from school. When mother talks about periods, the father is disgusted and tells her to stay away. The mother (one of the participants) says, “Periods is not something bad, it is important. And for your knowledge even I have periods” This was one of the brilliant conversations that came up indicating how even married couple shy away from this discussion.

In another play, the captain of the girl’s team gets period just before the football match. So she refuses to play and teacher pushes the date to next week, when the other team mates and the boys of opposing team inquires, the teacher shares that she is having periods and explains it too. They then go to meet her and in the process tell her that it’s okay to play during periods there is nothing wrong in that.

In yet another interesting play, a boy and girl are traveling together- the girl gets stain on her skirt because of periods. The boy instead of making fun supports her by comforting her and sharing about periods.

On the same lines of story, one of the group showed 2 situations: one where the boy doesn’t know about periods and in second he knows- it was brilliant to see how with the knowledge of periods, the boy doesn’t shy away or make fun of the girl instead comforts her, explain what are periods and get her pads.

I was so glad to watch these plays – created, directed and performed by the same girls who were scared, disgusted and uncomfortable even with the mention of the word periods!  

A lot of questions and comments came up like

‘If a girl doesn’t get periods even when she is 16 years old, what should she do? ’

‘Is it possible for woman to get menopause below 40 years?’

‘Is menstrual blood dirty that’s why we are called apavitra?’

‘Why do we have hairs in our armpits? Why do we have to do waxing?’

‘Do girls get pregnant only after marriage?’

While I was packing the logistics and getting ready to leave the class, a small voice stopped me.

Girl (one of the most naughty one, says lot but engages little) - I wanted to tell you something!

Me- Yes, tell me

Girl- I have a boyfriend. Is that a bad thing?

Me- No, not at all!

She just smiles, says thank you and leaves. 

This feeling of being trusted was very different and something new, and made me realize why she is so against sharing things in the group – the biggest reason was the fear of being judged and mocked as she was walking in the territory that is forbidden, not talked about and the kind of mystery that is created giving a feel that it’s wrong so tempting people like her for experimentation. It also reemphasized the importance of working with this age group because the participants are actually doing things and in that if they are given proper guidance – they become more aware and capable of making better decisions.

       

Physical changes during adolescence become tools for society to curb freedom from girls?

“My parents told me that I am girl! Hearing this made me very sad because boys can go and play whenever they wish to while we have to do household chores. I was upset because I am girl as grandmother loves my brother more than me. It’s not good to be girl because once we marry; we have to leave our homes while boys live in the same house”

The fact that we are working with two groups of boys and one group of girls at the same time; it has been quite an overwhelming and intense experience considering how being a boy and a girl changes their entire perspective towards life. At the age of 12 years, both of them are able to see the privileges of being a boy and lack of same in case of being a girl. It pains me to see how badly this effects them in so many ways, their responses reflect the agony of gender discrimination and the strong urge to be treated equal or at least let them be who they are! 

Despite various logistics hurdles in the girls school, we had so much fun doing ‘ungli dance’ in the middle of the school where teachers were glaring at us, few parents who were visiting wondered what actually we are trying to teach girls and other students peeking from their class with a glee in their eyes. It was fun when number of girls volunteered to come in middle of the circle to repeat the energizer.

Post this; the participants were divided into groups where they were invited to discuss on the question, “When did they come to know that they are girl or boy for the first time? How did this make them feel?”

“I used to speak like boys, so one day my mother told me that it’s not right, you are a girl and must speak like one”

“I used to play with boys but later someone told me that I am a girl and should be playing with girls and not with boys”

“I used to study in Co-ed school where I used to be with boys most of the time. One day a techer told me that I am a girl and should be spending time with girls”

“I felt sad because I am strong and have attitude like boys and I am very naughty. Being girl forces to let go of this”

“I felt happy because nowadays girls have lot of value.” 

“While growing up, my parents told me that I am a girl and also I started understanding as things were changing around me  like girls are supposed to wear frocks, skirts while boys wear pants and shirts”

“It didn’t really affect me because there are lot other girls in the world. In fact I was happy because now even girls are marching ahead and making their family proud”

“Because of my name, clothes and identity card I came to know that I am a girl”

“I came to know about being a girl on my own because of my name, no one told me as such”

“I used to wear clothes that boys wear long back. Then my dad explained that I am a girl and should wear the clothes that are for girls”

“I felt weird that boys and girls are different. I used to wonder how they are different.”

“When I was a child, I used to roam around a lot then my mom told me that I am a girl and shouldn’t go out that much. It didn’t really bother me”

“The way people address me, from my own sense, private parts, because of my name, clothes that we wear and also the way my body is shaped”

“It didn’t really made sense to me because I was too young and my mind wasn’t too active”

“One day while my mom was making me wear frock, I asked her - can I wear kurta pajyama? She refused immediately stating that I am a girl and I should be wearing frocks.”

“My brother doesn’t let me wear jeans and top because I am a girl”

“My brother puts lot of restrictions on me, always instructs me what to do and what not to do because I am a girl”

Though we really wished to explore the physical aspect of growing up, the sharing in the respective groups indicated gendered realities they encounter every day – how restricted and confused they feel merely because they are girls. At this point, I always wonder, how people conveniently say that world is changing now boys and girls are equal, they are given same opportunities when at every step these young girls are pushed behind because of the shackles of gender norms.

I was very apprehensive as to how would we engage the participants in ‘body map’ activity considering the small classroom and humongous number of participants. However as they say the difficulties either makes you crumble or give you opportunity to grow! We went with latter option and I was stumped as to what we actually created!

The girls created detailed body map, mentioning about private organ but sadly not even 1 out of 55 girls knew the name ‘vagina’ as against the boys ! This is the plight of girls in our society, there is so much fear that if they know the name god knows which volcano will burst and end the world! 

Good things about growing up-

‘Height increases, body becomes flexible, and hairs grow’

‘As we grow, our habits also changes. We become intelligent and our body also changes. We get to learn more about ourselves’

‘Mind becomes active and strong. We are able to understand others’

Bad things about growing up-

‘We get periods that impacts our health. Our stomach aches when we are about to get periods.  I am scared to go out of homes’

‘We get pimples on our face, skin becomes dull and dark. We start sweating more and lot of problems comes when we grow up’

‘The bad thing about growing up is that we can’t stay out late in evenings or night. We can’t do what we want to do’

‘When we grow up, the things that were easily given to us when we were child are not provided. We are not allowed to go out’

‘There are certain body parts that grow in size as part of physical changes which makes us uncomfortable. We get periods and can get pregnant’

‘We become angry, irritated and frustrated because of extra work that is forced upon us’

‘We develop breasts; there are times when there is pain in chest because of the growth’

The sharing in the last part of the activity has set tone for the upcoming workshop on ‘Periods’. While explaining the physical changes in the girls, there are giggles, murmuring and shyness however as conversation progressed- there was pin drop silence and intent listening! The one thing that got stuck in my mind was – while I was packing the workshop materials, one of the girls quickly came to me and started erasing things that were written on the board (vagina, penis and periods)

“Mam, I am erasing this because the boys will be coming and they shouldn’t be seeing this!”

I was shocked as to how a 12 year old had developed this thought process that what we discussed should remain between girls and if boys see this – they would form bad opinion about the girls!  This reaction just cemented our idea that this information is equally important for all adolescents and it’s important to engage in such conversations more to challenge the rudimentary mindsets to build better society.