When adolescents engaged in conversations and explored the question of ‘Who am I?”

“I was told constantly by my friends and others that I won’t be able to swim, I can’t swim! Then I learnt swimming- that is the craziest thing that I have done”

‘Gender, sexuality and reproductive health’ intervention with the second set of adolescent boys began with the session ‘Who am I?’ These participants were very different from the previous batch; there was this positive chirpy energy that is inviting and interesting to engage with, though they were naughty with constant murmurs and giggles!

The participants were quite enthusiastic on sharing around the question of ‘the craziest thing you have done’ –

“Mujhe kabutarbaazi ka bahut sauk hai”

“I love playing badminton and doing different exercise”

“I love watching WWE and doing stunts”

“Once few boys who were elder to me, came to threaten me- they thought that they could easily beat me as I am shorter than them but I put up a brave fight. Instead of them harming me in any way, I beat them”

The participants had flair of dramatics which was very entertaining-

“While I was in village, I sneaked out to swim in the river. Somehow my mother came to know about it and she got really angry. She literally put my head in the water and scolded me for sneaking out.”

The participants differed from each other in terms of physical body especially height – so it was quite a shocker when many of them shared that they have bunked, they ride bike, dived into deep waters, engaged in fights and loved doing stunts.

There was pin drop silence while they filled pre-assessment forms with occasional murmuring, giggles and queries. This just reflected on how good the questions are as they could actually capture what the participants were feeling and what thoughts were running in their minds.

“I felt very weird writing answers! I didn’t know many but I guess I have seen sanitary pad in the movie in which Akshay kumar acted.”

“Does peer pressure means the pressure that we go through waiting for results? As in if I fail, I feel like committing suicide”

“One of the boy in my colony committed suicide because he felt pressured because of his friends”

This was followed by the activity where the participants were invited to create their own identity maps – here they were supposed to write the words or things that they associate with themselves which could be their dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes and others! It was impressive and undeniably inspiring to see young hearts dream so big irrespective of the conditions.

“I want to be an astronaut.”

“I want to be a scientist and invent interesting things”

“I love singing and listening to new songs”

“I like girls”

In the next part of the activity, the participants were needed to stand beside the person with whom they share one or more things in the identity maps. It happened for the first time that 7 people couldn’t find a partner with even one similarity.

One of the participants shared, “I felt good that we love singing. I didn’t know that we have this in common. We can pair up, sing together and learn music.”

Another participant shared, “I am disappointed that I couldn’t find a person who share something common with me”

There was this one pair who instead of sharing identity maps with each other were arguing with each other. On asking what happened? Both of them were taunting each other for their body size by calling fat and haddi! They were pacified by explaining how people differ from each other in many ways – one of them being body shape and size and this shouldn’t be the basis of taunting/teasing or argument. In all these conversations, issues of peer pressure, body image and bullying came out with dominance – which just emphasized the need of our curriculum.

In the next part of the session, it was explained how our identity changes over the course of life. In order to understand how values that we acquire during adolescence shape our future selves, story of a girl was shared. The participants were listening so intently that the facilitator actually felt heard, all the eyes were directed towards and responses reflected how thoughtful adolescents are.

‘She always spoke truth no matter what were the conditions’

‘She was hardworking, faced discrimination and rarely had good friends’

‘She wasn’t scared, she is so strong and she never changed for anyone!’

On asking what is that one value they would acquire or hold to themselves –

“I will focus more on my studies”

“No matter who says what, I will never leave music. I will keep practicing and become master in it.”

On hearing this, suddenly lot of other participants started murmuring and one of the said, “he was scolded by the teacher for not singing properly. Sir also slapped him”

The participant responded, “I know, that’s why I said, no matter how many difficulties I face, I would never give up on music”

In the last activity, the participants were invited to write the positive attribute they see in themselves.

“I was going to the tuition when I saw an old woman trying to cross the road. She had lots of things in her hand. I picked up her stuff and accompanied her till home. Her relatives appraised me for being helpful.”

“I am appreciated many times especially when I clean my house”

“I played banjo, my teacher was very happy hearing it.”

Few of the participants were asked to share the positive attributes they have enlisted for their selves. I was amazed the conviction with which they shared their qualities – when one of them said leader – it felt like yes he is leader! So they shared attributes with so much confidence that it seemed that these qualities are made for them.

Post workshop, few of the participants gathered and asked questions like ‘What are condoms?” “What are periods?” So with these pre assessment forms, unknowingly this curiosity has been facilitated and we could actually see them anticipating as to what would happen in the next session!

Exploring “Me” with adolescents of Government School

“I want to do something that no one could imagine, no one could dream.”

Sounds interesting and different! We began our gender, sexuality and reproductive health intervention with first set of adolescent boys studying in Government School, Dwarka by dwelling upon the most tricky yet very simple question of one’s existence ‘Who am I?” After having worked with more than 300 adolescents for over 3 years, we thought to change our approach and bring some twist in the session. There was extensive innovation in terms of activities, sequence, discourse and the way the information needed to be shared so with respect to facilitation, we went with zero expectations with no idea as to how the participants would respond or whether our first session would have same spark as we always have with the workshop on ‘Identity’. And this is what brought us out of our comfort zone and excitement to engage with new set of participants.

The first change was of energizer, where we let go of our most entertaining ‘Ungli Dance’ and replacing it with ‘Crazy thing you have done!’ This actually brought them on edge because being in school and not doing things that bring excitement and fun as this generally includes something which is not supposed to be done- also no one engages in this kind of conversation. So what started with hesitation, murmuring and whispers turned into bunch of interesting things that the participants have done for sheer joy!

“When my parents are not at home, I play games on mobile phone”

“I sneak out when my parents leave home telling me specifically not to go out”

“I enjoy climbing on steep cliffs”

“I want to become scientist which is supposed to be crazy aspiration according to people around me”

Many of them shared that they have bunked classes, jumped into deep waters and pulled out bizzare pranks as crazy thing they have done. This activity made us realize that the question that was asked as part of the energizer was abstract or more of reflective which could be perfect to engage with young people however with adolescents/children we would need more of prompts to support them to take that leap as they are not usually in the space of reflection and sharing. It could be a great practice for them to open up and speak their mind without the fear of judgment.

In order to understand their level of knowledge on the various issues of adolescents – whether they have heard these things or experienced or not know, we gave them pre assessment forms. We were not very sure as how the participants would engage – doubtful as to whether they would get bored or annoyed by filling these questions, however we received exact contradiction of our assumption.

“Yeah, this is one of the crazy exams that I have ever appeared in”

It was an amazing experience where instead of us giving them introduction of Sahas’s work and what will be happening in the coming weeks, they got the idea from the assessment. There were giggles, murmuring around the words sex, condom, periods and this created an unexpected vulnerable space where the participants were thinking, talking and putting their thoughts aloud creating a buzz for the upcoming sessions.

“I think many of us would know something about the questions, he is not saying here because he is embarrassed just come to our class- he is the one who explains most of the things”

In the next activity, the participants were invited to create their identity maps which brought out their likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations and what irks them most.

“I love cooking food”

“I want to become choreographer”

“I wish to become a famous scientist one day”

“I love singing, playing different instruments and just being alive in the music”

“I clean my house very well and I receive lot of appreciation for it”

One of the identity maps that caught my attention was where this participant had mentioned everything that he hates!

“I wish to beat those people who do wrong things”

“I hate poor people”

“Why don’t people mind their own business, why do they have to meddle into other’s business?”

“People tease and irritate me a lot. I don’t like that”

All these statements were very strong, reflected a lot about the person and this is probably the intention of the activity where the participant could find their core! It was also interesting to see that none of the boys had written ‘being a boy’ as their identity.

In the next part of the activity, they had to stand with the other participant who share one of their points from the identity map and engage with each other on the statement- ‘how did you feel when you came to know about the similarity?”

One of the participant shared, “I felt good because he had already shared how I felt. So I didn’t have to say it in front of everyone.” This boy is bullied and taunted for being overweight. The similarity of experiences support them in understanding that they are not alone, there is someone like them experiencing the same thing – that gives strength and helps them to fight odds.

There were two people who didn’t get any partners, one of them shared, “It felt good that no one had shared same features as mine. I am different and unique.”

This conversation and their aspirations were like positive rainbow that gives hope and inspire me to keep going. Post this; the facilitator shared a story of a girl in order to build discourse on how important is to hold on to certain values as they are the foundation stone for your future self. It was overwhelming to see how participants went from chirpy self to listening intently – relishing and valuing the objective of the said story.

The last activity was the highlight of the entire session which explained the self-esteem in altogether a new light. This also gave infusion of positive energy as by the end of the activity, the participants were beaming with a smile, listing not one or two but number of their positive attributes. The vulnerable space found a closure when the students could list down the qualities that they think they have irrespective of what others make them believe!

Am I counted in the celebrations of ‘International Women’s Day ’? – Middle class woman enquires.

“With education, girls are able to put across their perspectives and thoughts more accurately with rationale. They are able to express freely, say what is right and what is wrong according to them. When they voice their opinions against what is wrong, they are backed by their educational qualifications. This is assumed as rebellion or misbehavior which is actually not true! Without education, women kept quiet, didn’t raise their voice and remained suppressed now when they go out for studies and job, they get opportunity to learn, explore and express. This starts from home, if they can’t express themselves in home what they will do in the outer world. This is as simple as that- so I don’t agree that with education women become rebellion instead it gives them ability to be who they are! ” shares one of the participants

International Women’s day is celebrated all across the globe to acknowledge the struggles, constant fight against violence and victory of feminist movements since 1910.  It’s been years that women have been constantly fighting for their rights that should have been given since the beginning. On this occasion, we at Sahas organized an event in order to engage with women living in our community over the issues of gender and violence by co-creating a space where they can share their experiences, feelings and feel supported. Another important aspect of creating such spaces is to bring out the voices of invisible women belonging to middle class. 

The day began with sharing of our gender work at Sahas and importance of International Women’s day followed by each participant introducing them. I have been hearing since long time that world is changing now, women and men are equal, they are given equal opportunities and now women stand tall against men but all these statements lost their meaning in the very first activity of our workshop when we asked them to share anyone of their good quality. None of them sadly could share their good quality, 2-3 who tried end up saying that they like to take care of their family, they don’t have patience and that’s bad because women are supposed to be patient. 

To bring energy and enthusiasm, we played Ungli dance- this energizer did wonder because every participant enjoyed, danced and even volunteered to lead it for the next round. In the next activity, we invited participants to share on, “What does being a women means to them?” We didn’t really expect any path breaking answers or something out of box as this is may be their first time sitting in a circle, getting the space to share their mind which usually doesn’t happen – so we were even ready for blank pages but their responses surprised us in many ways-

“I am a complete housewife with lots and lots of patience who is constantly trying to keep family happy”

“I am a woman first, I am a good daughter, wife and mother. I keep trying to be a good and honorable daughter in law”

“I am a minuscule part of half of the population of this world. With all relationships, I am Swati (name changes), owner of salon, singer, make-up artist and zumba enthusiast. Apart from that, I am an aggressive girl who is always ready to explore new things.”

“For me, being a woman means love. The love that we offer to our parents, husband, in laws and to our children; taking care of them and their needs. For me this is a beautiful feeling. ”

“I am a mother, I love being with my family and invest my time in the work. I enjoy my womanhood and I don’t like to be held back”

“For me, a woman is one who does all women related work even if she wants to do or not. For me, women should have all the freedom what a man has- equal rights. I am trying to be complete mother, a complete wife and trying to keep myself happy in every circumstances of my life. Most importantly I am happy to be a teacher because that gives me an identity of my own.”

“A woman means earth – the one who bears all the pains and struggle still wishes to spread love and happiness to everyone”

“Being a mother is very important aspect of a woman because that is something that provides the foundation of womanhood and completes a woman.”

These stories of women belonging to middle class, some of them being homemakers, teachers and small entrepreneurs bring out the gendered realities of our society where being woman still means that you are defined by the relationship – mother, daughter, wife, daughter-in law irrespective of the fact whether you are educated and working or not! Taking care of others, keeping their interests before you, multitasking, feeling guilty of not doing responsibilities even though other members of family could do that work, not taking a moment for yourself without really thinking about what people may be saying is so ingrained that they don’t really know themselves beyond the ties of relationships. In our so called gender inclusive and progressive world- where do we place these women? What about their identity, their empowerment or just their happiness?  

In the next activity, the participants were divided into 4 groups and each was given a statement to discuss upon. These statements are the ones frequently used stereotypes for women.

Women gossip a lot, so you should never tell any important thing or secrets to them as they just can’t stomach the information-

“We can’t generalize this statement for all women, it’s not true. Long back, women were not allowed to go out of their houses, in those times they used to talk and share things as a way to express themselves and now they can speak to more people. However saying that they can’t stomach secrets, it’s irrational because we all know so many things about our own household and neighbors but we don’t keep shouting that.”

It’s women’s responsibility to cook food whether you are a homemaker or working somewhere

“We have been told since our childhood by our elders that it’s our duty to do household chores, if we don’t do that the goddess of money and happiness will move away from the house. This is the reality we have grown up hearing so we find happiness in doing chores.”

A very interesting conversation happened on the statement – “A woman is another woman’s greatest enemy.”

One of the participants shared, “I totally agree with the statement because there are number of women who are always ready to pull others down specifically mother in law. There are times when daughter in law wants to go out for fun, for job but their mother in law in spite of being woman stops her, puts hurdles and engages her in the household chores.”

Another participant shared, “I don’t really agree with this statement because while women keep blaming their mother in law, not every time they are at fault. It seems like fashion for woman to bash another, there are times when daughter in law does the same. I think instead of blaming each other, we should pull each other in forward direction.”

Taking cue from this conversations followed by chit activity, gender was explained and the participants were encouraged to challenge the norms and gendered roles.

In the next activity, few statements were read aloud to grasp the understanding of gender based violence from the participants. It was interesting to see how they agreed on all the five statements being an act of violence though most of them adhere to doing the same in their day to day life. This contradictory statement highlighted the gendered mindsets of the society where we claim to understand and challenge violence but at the same time we do engage in contributing towards violence by adhering to patriarchal structure.

On the basis of this discussion, understanding on various forms of gender based violence was built. During this, the practices followed during periods were highlighted where the participants shared their harrowing experiences of discrimination while menstruating. From making girls and women sleep on floor to secluding them to cowsheds, not allowing them to touch food or go to kitchen to making them fast and not allowing them to take bath are still followed in modern settings even in metro cities.

The workshop culminated with inviting the participants to share one dream that they see for themselves just for them above all the relationships and things they are surrounded with.

“I wish to see myself progressing with time, travel abroad.”

“I wish to be empowered so that my life is not wasted”

“I want to see myself growing strong as a teacher and principal so that my school can become much better. I wish to earn good money so that I can fulfill all my wishes especially traveling to various countries”

“I want to give a solo performance on stage in front of huge audience”

“I wish to expand my business and make name for myself”

These wishes gave me a hope for better world for women. When these participants came in for the workshop, they were quiet, engaged in their respective groups and were worried about the time but as we approached closure they were smiling, interacting with other women openly and also suggesting that we could have more events like that, few of them even showed interest in volunteering!

I was exhausted but these conversations made me happy. The most beautiful thing that happened post the event was my mother talking to my father about how eloquent and inspiring I was while talking to women. She also asked me to do ungli dance in front of my dad. I asked her to do it – she happily complied showing the energizer, I guess that will be in my list of most cherished moments considering how my mother despises showing emotions and dance. This International Women’s day was truly rewarding because the change begins from home!