Why do we still talk about Gender as ‘Male’ and ‘Female’?

“Didi, do you know our full class strength has come today, generally 25-30 students come but for your workshop, everyone comes and we look forward for it. It is interesting and we learn a lot” This was the first thing I heard before the workshop on “Gender” began with the second group of adolescents of Government school and it warmed my heart.

The session began with the newly introduced ‘banana dance’ which the students and our team enjoyed equally.

After this, we engaged the students in ‘chit activity’ that explores mindsets on gender stereotypes and roles. It was interesting to see how students in the second part of the activity debated that girls can or can’t do welding work, or engage in lifting heavy weights or being “Kuli” – giving an argument that woman don’t have enough strength to lift heavy things, it was interesting conversation as the students challenged each other stating that it doesn’t require specific qualities or have seen women lifting weights on bus stands. At the end when only one person remained in the Man’s line and 2 in Woman’s line and rest of the participants were standing in the line which states “Both man and woman can do the work” – another important point came up by the person standing in the Man’s line that women also have facial hairs so it’s not exclusive for men! 

In the next activity, the participants were divided into groups of 3 where they were asked to share “3 key messages they have received being a boy”

‘I was told that I am a boy so I won’t be able to conceive a child when I was very young’

‘My sister wears different clothes and I wear different’

‘You shouldn’t be staying in the home all day as you are a boy’

‘I should play more, go to park’

‘You should eat more because you are a boy’

‘You shouldn’t play with girls’

‘Lifting heavy things is boy’s work’

‘Boys should be doing jobs’

‘You shouldn’t cook food, wash clothes, wear girl’s clothes, have long hairs’

“Don’t walk like a girl”

‘You can’t do make up like girls’

‘Don’t dance like girls’

‘I was riding a cycle, after a while I fell down and started crying so one of the uncle came and told me that you are boy and shouldn’t cry’

‘I went to park to play, I saw few girls playing so I went to them and asked them to include me, but one of them refused saying that I can’t play with them because of I am a boy’

‘I saw a very pretty doll in the market, I wanted to buy it but my mother refused saying that boys don’t play with dolls’

‘I was watching and then some song came on TV and I started dancing, my uncle immediately stopped me saying I shouldn’t be dancing on the girl’s song’

‘My hairs had grown long, my dad scolded me by saying that do you want to tie a braid like a girl’

‘On Diwali, I got burnt and I started crying, my friend said why are you crying like a girl’

‘I put on the lipstick on my lips, my father saw me and said why are you behaving like girls’

‘My father says boys shouldn’t cry’

‘We are told not to play with girls, not to play girl’s game, not to speak to them and even walk along with them’

‘I was playing with girls in the park, my father saw me and then he said boys shouldn’t play with girls’

‘Once I went to the market, I liked few clothes but my dad said that these are clothes which girls should wear not boys’

‘Why are you being shy like girls?’

‘I feel very shy to go to shops, and when I don’t go then people you behave like a girl’

‘Whenever my sister go for work, I cook food but my uncle keeps telling me that this is what girls should be doing not you’

‘I was told that I have voice like girl’

Once the key messages were shared in the large group, we moved on to the game of Chinese whispers and co-creating the gender story along with the participants. Using this and previous activity, gender was explained- and how it’s not just girl or boy, it is social construct created by us and so it can be challenged. Considering how easily the participants have been using the term gay and chakka as a verbal abuse we took the opportunity to explain gender and sexual identities. Unlike the other days, there was pin drop silence in the workshop. Since they were exposed to these terms for the first time, we opened the session to questions-

“How would nomads learn to have sex?”

‘”What do you mean by fuck?”

“Why would girls get attracted to girls?”

“Can homosexuals get pregnant?”

“Muslims also get a part of penis cut in their childhood, does that make them hizra?”

In the last activity, the participants were divided into 4 spaces namely- Home, school, leisure and public spaces and were invited to discuss the gender difference they see in these spaces in their respective groups.

Home-

“My father asked me to go to the market to buy things, so my sister said she would go. But my dad refused to let her go saying that girls don’t go to market”

“In home, either mom or sister cooks food”

School-

“Boys and girls play different sports”

“Boys and girls wear different clothes, and have different toilets in school”

“Boys and girls are made to sit on different places so that they don’t get attracted to each other and have sex”

Leisure-

“When we hang out with friends, we talk about sex, or did someone kiss girls”

“Many a times our friends accompany us when we go to meet our girlfriends”

“Boys use foul language and abuse”

“When two girls are friends, they appreciate how they look while boys prefer to play”

Public spaces-

“We see lot of hot girls in buses and metro and then we get excited”

“Girls always get seat while boys have to stand”