Demystifying the facade of 'gender sensitive police': Difficult conversations and challenges to engage on gender issues

“Mam, I just want to make one thing very clear. People here are graduates, post graduates and have cleared PCS and some of them are PhD's, if all this education hasn’t made them gender sensitive then you or any other person can’t change their mindsets however you wish to try ”

‘It seems like you are trying to emphasis that we are not gender sensitive! We are very much aware of gender. This sort of workshop should be implemented on villagers or people from low economic background because they don’t understand gender discrimination and causes violence! Why don’t you educate them?’

‘It seems you are trying to project that women are victims that all bad things happen to them? That’s not true, reality has change! Speaking about human values, what about men’s rights! What about the laws where men’s rights are totally ignored, why don’t you raise your voice for that?’

‘You keep talking about how police should be made gender sensitive, don’t you think Police is already burdened with the work and public has so many unreasonable expectations from the Police. I would advise you to hold camps for general public to educate them to be sensitive while reporting to Police and telling them the real situation. It’s not like we are superman who would wave the hands and catch the culprit! ’

When I was invited to conduct gender sensitization program with Bhopal Police, I was extremely pumped up, bubbling with so much enthusiasm and so excited because these participants would be placed as CSP in the different Police stations in Madhya Pradesh. Imagine a police station where leadership position is occupied by someone who understands gender discrimination, who could be sensitive to people’s issues and can provide support to GBV victims! With this objective, we planned to engage them keeping in mind that their identity is not restricted to their position as Police personnel but as people in the society who faces the brunt and challenges of being Police!

The first interaction with the participants was a huge setback to my enthusiasm and hope because unlike the expectation from people in uniform, they arrived the workshop space leisurely without giving a damn to schedule and the response was ‘Police is assumed to arrive late at the crime scene!’ or ‘first let the crime happen, then only police arrives’ – I was surprised by their behavior, I am never against a good humor but using the most judgmental statement to cover up your doing made me think that this engagement would be challenging enough. There was this reluctance and strong resistance to the proceedings of the session right from the very beginning – when they are asked to engage in a group activity: they simply wrote their individual experience and passed on to the others avoiding a simple interaction within the group. I won’t deny that the conversations that came out from the activity were very crucial and genuine but they clearly weren’t comfortable letting their own colleagues get glimpse of their live; there was strong sense of mistrust.

I have worked with so many adolescents, women, young people and Police in past, but I have never came across bunch of people who behaved like millennial that seemed more focused on their own selves, concerned about chai and samosa and throw tantrums like kids who aren’t given candies! I could see that they were carrying masks, didn’t want to real share their own experience but the point is gender is not about others, it’s about oneself – until you find the straight connection, you would never consider it as problematic! Why because it’s not your issue! It’s someone else’ problem – and unfortunately having position of Police, you are expected to solve crimes that includes GBV so here goes the loop. But their facade slipped while we engaged on gender differences that are experienced in different spaces of life: home, workplace, education, media, religion and public spaces. It was interesting to see that here they no longer behaved like gender sensitive police participants but as people who encounter gender discrimination or are part of differential behavior based on gender and sexuality. The look of disgust while talking about homosexual relationships or transgender gave a glimpse of their hidden mindset.   

However the entire facade busted while engaging on Gender based violence statements; the way male participants got angry and started yelling on statements like ‘Cooking is for women’ ‘Men can force themselves on their wives’ ‘It’s because women wear modern clothes, they get rapped’ – initially everyone gave a very balanced and nice answers but on probing they became the voices of society that dictates that what women should do or wear or how family’s honor depends on her! I was appalled as to how consent of the wife is taken for granted or not even acknowledged just because she is married. And they had the audacity to hide behind law but on being reminded of basic human rights – they attacked me and questioned my values for not standing with men? I don’t understand one thing – whenever we talk about violence against women or basic women rights why men form these groups and starts shouting about men’s rights and #notallmen, but I never said that all the men, all I wanted was them to acknowledge that with the kind of society, women are never given a choice and many a times they don’t even know that they have a choice! How difficult it is for people to understand this basic thing? And I can understand this, when people aren’t aware of gender but with the people who constantly ramble about being gender sensitive and inclusive it is bothersome!

This session also had a very interesting twist, when we spoke about ‘men can’t cry’ or ‘men who do household chores are not real men’ received support from both male and female participants. To be honest it was more of ladies who advocated that this is violence and men shouldn’t have to go through this and it received no resistance. I was not surprised because this is what happens in real life, everyone seems to be so protective of men but the moment you say women all hell breaks loose! What was even more sad was the same women participants who agree that they had no choice but to learn cooking and many other things as part of growing up didn’t really thing that this is discrimination and it is something that is easily negotiated in this progressive world. I wish to know that fancy world where they live because the kind of society I come from, everything comes with a struggle (considering I am from National Capital of India).

The thing that I won’t be able to forget for long was this role play that one of the group prepared where a rape victim comes to Police station for help. They were amazing and especially the boy who played the role of rape victim was so on point, unfortunately the entire group erupted into laughter! It was a breaking point for me- the whole scenario was callous, unforgivable and extremely disastrous! These are the people who would be leading police stations in a span of 2 months who are laughing at rape victim? Atrocious and shameful! No wonder people have so many judgments about police personnel. Although few of them came next day apologizing for their behavior and giving an excuse that they laughed because of the person who was acting and not because he was rape victim! Honestly I failed to get the logic behind this, and it reminded me of the recent rape case where a SP was caught laughing during a press conference in Bhopal.

If this was the experience on first day, second day was even more challenging – the objective for the day was to engage them in self work, to give time for them to interact with their own self considering how much they have to engage with violence in everyday life and then connecting it with their role as Police. But as soon as the activity started, they started showing discomfort and deflecting the situation; some of them even laughed at the ones who were genuinely trying to understand and take part in the activity.

‘What do we get out from this activity? What are the fruits or profit out of it? My personal life is no one’s business, if I wish to talk about my issues then I will talk about it to my near and dear ones and not with these people.’

‘There are things that we can’t even share with our parents or partners or husband/wives; why would I share here! I don’t trust them! Also this won’t help me as police which is my job!’

‘How sharing here will help solve my problems? Can any of them or you tell me solutions? No and why would I hear your suggestions? We have our image that we need to maintain and I wouldn’t tarnish it for any workshop. What would these people think about me? And what if they share this outside?’

This was interesting because we never asked them to share their deep dark secrets or issues with the group, it was invitation to share any experience from your life! Though this flared up so much that for about 1 hour I was surrounded by 20 people questioning, interrogating, charging and throwing accusations at me. I have never experienced so much negativity but at that point I answered every question which irked them even more. If patriarchy had a physical appearance, power was in form of a weapon, then invariably I felt like the target. What was even more amusing was the reaction of female participants!

‘We are very gender sensitive group. Here I have never seen boys dominating girls; in fact in our group, it’s the girls who dominate boys!’

While we were playing the game of wolf and sheep; as always they weren’t being very serious about it so they let go of the girl who volunteered as sheep without any resistance; then they kept shouting and yelling at the boy who became sheep next time stating that this is how wolves react. The next time, they kept asking me to volunteer as sheep, and I did. So when I succeeded in escaping the circle, I heard men saying ‘Damn it, how did you let her go! We could have easily trapped her’. Interesting trying to do actual violence with me – nope I am not that easy!

Following this, a very small incident happened where I asked one of the participant to not do something because he was constantly disturbing the group. Before the said participant and I could interact, one of the girl jumped in between and started accusing me of being finicky and asked do they have to ask to breathe too so that you are not disturbed! I could only laugh at that accusation.

The constant remark that we should be giving them solution as to make police force better and gender sensitive was wonderful! I was not there to give them advise or solutions but to make them understand and question the existent system of discrimination and patriarchy. When I said the same thing, one of the girls got angry and said, “If you can’t give us solution, then why are you here, it’s not like we don’t understand gender! We are very sensitive about it; it is illiterate people who need gender sensitivity” Yes, hilarious enough because a gender activist or to say a common person will teach you how to do your duty? Isn’t that something that is taught to you in your training or how in the world you cleared the exam!

So, taking their concerns, frustrations, accusations and complaints we engaged with them on what it means to be a police and what are the challenges they face being Police? This was most interactive and peaceful session – why? Because we were asking about their problems – they listed more than 50 of them complaining lack of man power, finances, hierarchy, technical advancements, expectations of public, solving crime is their job but it leads to personal rivalry, extremely difficult working hours, poor image of police created by media, lack of holidays/off days, too much training and many others! It was like a dam being opened which was refusing to be sealed. While I do agree and empathize that some of the problems are very important and need to be addressed but the crucial point is none of these participants were ever posted in any Police station so without being on ground they were talking about problems! Also weren’t they aware of all this, while they sat for the exam to be in Police? This is the hypocrisy in colorful words because we as people don’t want to take responsibilities rather complain about situations; in this case they haven’t even faced these situations. When I pointed out this tiny fact, the entire room went silent.

I took this opportunity to bring very crucial point into light that it is important for us to figure out solutions to the present situation rather than keep complaining about things because it is us who can do it, problems will not solve themselves. Do we have capacity to do that or do we want to be in spiral of complaining about issues?

Though the 2 day intervention was challenging in so many ways, I could see disruption in the pseudo gender sensitive mindsets, a chaos that was making them question their own beliefs and yes a huge ripple in the calm waters of patriarchal and power driven thoughts.

‘I wanted to come and speak to you at the end of the workshop. I am so so inspired by you and the way you engaged with us on the most sensitive issues that our society doesn’t even want to acknowledge. I want to be like you, and I am so moved by your determination – when all 25 of us were questioning and throwing tantrums you stood on your ground and didn’t move from your intention. I wish girls can be like this. Trust me each of us are rattled and you will be tormenting our minds for long long time!’

‘Mam, trust me this is the most interesting conversation I ever had on gender issues! All the seminars start from the podium and end there, but you took a big leap and tried to enter our well- guarded mindsets and facade! Never met someone so determined!’

And so yes I think something will change from all these conversations!

What happens when Police is confronted with their gender biases - they come face to face with what cause violence!

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Male gaze, heterosexuality Vs homosexuality and Patriarchy: Can a gender sensitive Police really challenge the societal norms?

When we talk about gender and patriarchy, it seems very confusing as to which one created other! Is it gender that brought the system of patriarchy? Or was it Patriarchy that gave birth to gender norms? To explore more and understand how they impact our lives, we engaged with Police participants on gender differences they see or experience while they are in different spaces. Few of the observations shared by participants are:

Home-

‘All the household chores like cooking food, washing dishes, clothes, decorating home or putting henna are all classified as women’s work’

‘Buying vegetables, paying bills, changing bulbs or electricity bills comes under the category of work men are expected to do ’

‘Boys are thrashed more’

‘Women are not allowed to go out of home – if they have to go out, they have to ask for permission. If they go out they are asked to come before sun sets’

‘Men do cleaning of cars and fans’

‘Boys/men come home drunk’

‘All the work that needs physical capacity has to be done by men’

‘There is a big difference between the toys of girls and boys; you would always find a teddy bear or dolls in girls’ room’

‘Blue is for boys and pink is for girls’

‘It is always women who get up first in the households; if we are going for picnic they pack food and other stuff. They not only do their work but also do other’s work’

‘Girls are more responsible and mature than boys’

‘All the important decisions including finance ones for family are taken by men’

‘It is women who take care of the money matters related to household expenditures’

Education-

‘Most of the times girls are able to study till primary or middle level education; they are either made to study in Hindi medium or in government school so that least amount of money is spent on them’

‘There are typical jobs assigned for girls like be Doctor, teacher, banking etc.’

‘If a family doesn’t have sound economic background, then the girl would have to drop out of school even if she is better in studies than her brother’

‘Even in co-ed schools, the number of girls would be less’

‘Drop rate for girls is still very high, they are not sent outside village/town or any other city for further studies’

‘It is assumed that boys are notorious and girls are sweet and nice in the school’

‘When we see textbooks especially history, we would get to read more about glory tales of kings and hardly mentions of women warriors’

‘Even if we are talking about women rules, we use the term mardani for Jhansi ki rani comparing their strength with men!’

‘The primary school mostly have female teachers considering that women have caring behavior so they can take care of younger kids’

‘Girls are discouraged from any education that leads to risk taking jobs’

Media

‘It is forbidden for women to choose media as career’

‘As compared to actors in the film industry, actress are paid very less’

‘Career of actress is over once they are married’

‘Media industry objectifies women in every possible ways; for example in advertisement for a product to be used by men would invariably have women with an intention to seduce men to buy the product’

‘Daily soaps or meaningless gossip programs will always have women or are meant for women however crime shows, adventure shows, hard core news will always have men. Even the title of shows are like – Men Vs Wild’

‘Male actor could be black, short or old but beauty standards for actress is mandatory – they have to be fair, sexy figure and young’

‘Item songs, cheer leading are all supposed to be women’s job!’

‘The leading job that shapes up media like director or producer are mostly men’

‘Talking specifically about news – finance, sports, crime and prime time – they would have men as presenter’s’

‘Interestingly, makeup artists are men; all the cooking shows like Master Chef as men as chefs’

‘Talking about social media, women get more likes and comments on their posts while boys get funny comments or slurs. Women experience more stalking, character attack on their opinions, get derogatory personal messages’

‘It is also said casually that women/girls who are very active on social media don’t have good character’

Religion –

‘Outside home, most of the religious practices and prayers are conducted by men; there are some serious and very strict rules for women only’

‘All the high position in different religions as priest, paigambar, gurus and others are for men’

‘When girls hit puberty, it is that time when they are classified as pure and impure related to religious practices’

‘Thread ceremony – upnayan sanskar is carried out for boys; pind dhan a very scared ceremony for elders of family is also done by boys, simple practices like breaking coconut which is considered auspicious for beginning of any work has to be done by men’

‘Girls are forbidden to visit graveyard or giving fire to their dead parents that’s also considered as men’s duty’

‘All the discriminating or derogatory practices like sati pratha, devdasi for women are borne out of religion’

Work place/ Police force –

‘Risky position like naxalite areas, conflict zones and decision making positions are clearly kept for men in Police force’

‘People don’t prefer girls from police force for marriage’

‘Women are given leverage in physical tests as compared to men’

‘Women officers are addressed as sir and many a times they also prefer being called sir’

‘If a man is Police, he won’t be addressed as male police but women would be addressed as female police for sure’

‘No one really likes working under women police officer, they don’t take women’s order seriously as well’

‘The positions in Police forces are created keeping men in mind’

It was interesting to witness a long and engaging discussion on how names of jobs are gendered and whenever a woman occupies that job then automatically we add woman/female to it. Also how a woman would never object to it but men surely does like nurse; so if a man is addressed as nurse, he would quickly add male nurse because he is offended by the very profile as job of nurse is supposed to be for women.

Public spaces -

‘Men urinate publicly without any shame.’

‘You would see men more in public spaces while women are restricted to homes’

‘Men can smoke or drink in public but if woman dares smoke then hell will break loose’

‘No one would say anything is a man roams around for 3-4 hours outside without any reason but if a girl just stand outside then she would be questioned elaborately’

‘What man sees in woman while in public space – her breasts’

‘The first thought or feeling that invariably crowds a girl when she sees a boy in public space is fear! She gets scared that he might touch her, just breeze beside her making her uncomfortable’

‘Girls are rarely seen alone in public spaces, they are either accompanied with someone they are related to or with their friends’

‘Girls ponder a lot over safety issues while going out of their homes’

‘If a boy is seen with different girls he is called stud and becomes popular but if a girl is seen with boys, people immediately point towards her character’

With the help of these points, we engaged on the common pattern that we see in all these spaces, who has access to resources, who has upper hand when it comes to decision making and who is benefiting? Discussion over the gender differences evident in various spaces and the conversations post that were used to explain patriarchy and how it affects people with different gender and sexual identities and not just women in general.

I was surprised when one of the participant talked about male gaze in public spaces, most of the women have experienced it but no one really has courage to voice out discomfort when they encounter it. Interestingly that doesn’t even count as an act of violence which is punishable! Police has to act a lot in public spaces, I wonder how would these people who are aware about it can deal with it? Will they acknowledge it and challenge it or would they see it and ignore it?

Another interesting discussion followed after this, where we talked about different gender and sexual identities, the notion of heterosexuality being normal and abolition of 377! It was heartening to hear that at least they are aware of the terms however it was quite evident that many of them were uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality. Honestly I believe that once you acknowledge the existence, you can move ahead towards acceptance.

‘Why do you want to join Police forces, you could just become a teacher’

“To say that our language is gendered is an understatement because even the varnas used to form words in Hindi for example has clear distinction of male and female- badi ee is used in terms of things addressed to women and bada uuh while addressing men”

The fact that common people find it difficult to report cases of gender based violence to Police and are too scared to approach them for any sort of help has always baffled me. The existence of this very institution is to support people to get justice but the reality is far from this considering that Police is infamous for their insensitivity, callous attitude and extremely laid back approach towards solving crimes. Hence, the basic objective of gender program with Bhopal Police was to make them gender sensitive so that they treat people who approach them for help as people and not as cases! Secondly, they don’t impose gender stereotypes or judgments over the people and discourage them from filing complaint for example – in case of domestic violence, police had often advised victim to go back to her husband in the name of saving family and honor.

The gender program with Bhopal Police was crucial for many reasons; one being that each of the participant would be posted as SP in different districts of Madhya Pradesh; the power that comes with this position can support so many people and curb gender based violence on large scale.

The 2 day gender intervention began with an introduction game where the participants were invited to share their names and one unique quality they wish to share with the group. This was followed by sharing the intention of the program and agenda for the day 1. 

It was joyful to watch stoic and straight faced trainees grinning like small kids while trying to follow the steps of ungli dance. 

Through chit activity, we engaged on gender roles and responsibilities while establishing that it is the physical anatomy that differentiate men and women. I was surprised to see that one of the participants claimed that being scientist is a women’s role on asking to name few – he could just share Madam Curie’s name. I have realized that in every gender workshop, there would be few people who are self-acclaimed gender sensitive however when it comes to implementation in real life or even the discussion about it, they fall flat.

The participants were then divided into groups and each of them were invited to share 3 key messages that they have received because they are girl or boy.

‘If you want to go out to roam around, then take your brother along with you’

‘All the things are given to brother first’

‘Girls are asked to focus on basic education and not to get diverted in other activities’

‘You have to earn money and do a job’

‘What will you do by studying so much?’

‘You need to serious about things, stop fooling around’

‘Go watch the fields; go get gas cylinder from the shop and you have to get things from markets’

‘Girls are supposed to help in household chores’

‘Girls don’t need to find job’

‘Don’t be like girls! Why are you this quiet, you need to be assertive and vocal.’

‘You are boy, you don’t need to sweep floor’

‘Whatever it is, girls shouldn’t chose police force as career’

‘Girls shouldn’t go out in night’

‘Being a girl, we are asked to remain careful and obedient’

‘Respect and honor of the family depends on girls’

‘ladhke ho kabhi pitkar ghar mat aana’

‘Why are you crying like a girl?’

‘Higher posts in Police like DSP are designed for men’

‘Why would you participate in a drama, you are a boy!’

‘Mard ko dard nahi hota hai’

‘Boys can only lead the legacy of family in the future’

‘Ladhkiyo ki tarah choodiyan kyu pehn rakhi hai, kuch karo’

 ‘A family should at least have one son’

‘You are not fit for police, you shouldn’t play cricket or go out in night’

‘Girls shouldn’t raise their voice, or argue and must stay at home’

‘Don’t gossip like girls’

‘Don’t put cream, powder like girls’

‘Boys can go to wrong path, and bring trouble but girls always take care of their parents no matter the situation’

‘Take mathematics in 11^th because it’s girls who takes biology’

‘Boys are easily sent to other city/town for further studies’

‘Don’t be all shy and embarrassed like girls’

‘Why do you want to join Police forces, you could just become a teacher’

‘You must learn to cook food after all you have to go to your husband’s house once you get married’

‘Learn as much as you want but at the end of the day, you have to go home and cook food’

‘Ask for permission whenever you have to go out’

‘Ladhkiyo ko field wali job nahi karni chahiye’

‘She has come to marriageable age, why are you making her study just get married’

‘Be responsible, and don’t interfere in someone else’s matter; don’t talk to boys’

‘Don’t laugh loudly or make noises while laughing’

‘What will you do with android phone? Your husband will buy one for you! Saying this to girls so easily however buys an expensive phone for boy’

Through the game of Chinese whispers and co creating story with the participants, we defined gender, how it impacts our lives deeply from the childhood, its integration in our lives as if it is way of life making it difficult for anyone to challenge it at the same time supporting the participants to understand that gender norms, stereotypes and notions can be challenged.