Engaging with adolescents of Government school on "My body is changing"

Me: Please tell him about the questions that he needs to answer, as he has just come!

One participant: So, we are discussing on the question ‘when did I come to know that I am a boy or a girl? How did you feel?”

Second participant: Yeah, okay!

Me: So, think and share your answer in the group.

Second participant: What is there to think, I know the answer!

I was surprised and confused at the readiness for the answer, as I thought maybe he didn’t understand the question, so I tried repeating the question!

Second participant: It’s very easy the moment my dad called me beta, I knew I am a boy!

The sense of proud and glint in his eyes shook me; it was as if being a boy was some sort of accomplishment or a prize.

We conducted the session on “My body is changing” with the second set of 48 boys of Government School, Dwarka sec-3 as part of our ongoing ‘gender, sexuality and reproductive health curriculum’.

The workshop began with the intention sharing for the day, revision if the last session and re-emphasizing on the agreements for co-creating safe sharing spaces. 

To bring the energy of the participants to the workshop space, we played ‘coin game’, it was interesting to see how participants enjoyed and played as a team. 

The participants were divided into 8 groups where they were asked to discuss on the given two questions and share the important points of reflections in the larger groups. 

“When I was 6 years old, my mother used to call me Prince, so I came to know that I am a boy and I felt really good about it”

“My mother used to call my father with my name, and also they say that I am just like my father. Because of this, I came to know that I am a boy”

“My sister used to call me bhai, so I understood that we are different and I am a boy”

“I was incredibly happy when I came to know that I am a boy”

“My parents and people around me used to call me babu, which is usually a nick name for boys that’s how I came to know that I am boy”

“We have different clothes and style, because of which I came to know that I am a boy”

“Because of the name”        

“My father’s friend asked my dad, whether I am a boy or a girl; that’s when I came to know that I am a boy”

“My dad called me beta! So obviously I am a boy”

“My name is Deepak, it’s the name for boys”

“I was 5 years old, I completed my homework and my teacher appreciated saying that I am a good boy”

“When we used to live in village, my mother went to toilet in the farms I insisted to tag along but she refused saying that boys can’t go. I felt really bad”

“I went to the market along with my parents. I saw a beautiful saree, I liked it but my parents gave me a look and said that this is for women and you can’t buy it because you are a boy. I was sad hearing that”

“My grandmother brought me pant shirt from the market, that’s how I came to know that I am a boy”

“I was 6 years old, when I realized that boys and girls have different body structure and physical attributes”

“I was happy to know that I am a boy because I have got a sister and I can enjoy rakshabandon. Only few people are lucky to have sisters”

“I saw few girls playing together, I wanted to join them. But they didn’t allow me stating that I was a boy and can’t play with girls”

“I wore my sister’s clothes once, so my mother scolded me by saying that I am a boy and I shouldn’t be wearing girl’s clothes”

“Because of my hairs”

“I was crying badly one day, my mother asked me to stop crying because I am boy. I felt really bad”

In the second activity, the participants were divided into 5 groups where they were asked to draw body maps and discuss on the question based on ‘physical changes during puberty’. It was enthralling to see the participants engage in team work, meticulously dividing themselves according to the sub activities- drawing the body map, putting all their artistic capabilities into action, trying to figure out the best way of drawing various body parts and writing the correctly spelled name and few of them taking the charge of the questions. The participants were very quick with the activity but in the usual way they resisted in drawing the private parts. However with conversation, they finally drew it along with pubic hairs, so this seemed like work in progress. 

Few of the discussion points are as follows-

“Good thing about growing up - height increases, our face changes, our mind works faster and in better ways, bones become stronger, we become more aware of our surroundings, society and nation”

“Bad things about growing up- We are overburdened with responsibilities, we can no longer play as we wish, we engage in fights, abuse, don’t respect elders, we also become proud of our achievements, we have hairs all over our body which cause itchiness”

“The biggest problem of growing up is engaging in sex- we are attracted to girls and that’s confusing”

“We have to get married because we grow up”  

Following this, we shared about what is adolescence, the physical changes that happen during puberty in boys and girls, sexual organs of men and women, why we call them private organs, periods, wet dreams and why these changes occur through a power point presentation. It was evident that some of them have heard about periods and most of them experienced wet dreams as few were hiding their faces, some of them were smiling shyly; few were just staring at the ground however few were looking at the presentation with curious eyes! By the end of the workshop, the participants were quite comfortable saying the name of the private organs aloud and talking about the bodily changes.  

This is for the first time; we are working with 2 sets of adolescents around 92 in number via gender, sexuality and reproductive health curriculum, so it has been quite intense and intriguing experience. Hence even our post workshop reflections are very intense. One such conversation gave me goose bumps and I saw a glimpse of myself when I used to work with media.    

Mona- As a team we have facilitated 4 workshops with around 90+ adolescent boys. How has been the experience for you so far? How do you feel? 

Himanshu (volunteer) - This is my first experience to get into conversations like these. Listening to the boys sharing’s; I feel if in school i too knew a lot of things, my understanding about various aspects would have very different. I'm glad to get this opportunity to keep learning new things each day. One of my friends called up few days back asking how this gender work relates to your career in hotel industry. I told him that with this gender perspective; i can have conversations like these in my work space.

Engaging with physical changes while challenging the societal norms during adolescence: Is it possible?

“I came to know that I am boy because of my name as girls have name like Vandana, Pinky, Shabnam, Mushkaan while boys have names like Neeraj, Rahul etc”

“One day when my mom took me to market, I really loved a frock, it was very pretty and I wanted to buy it. However my mother refused stating that it’s for girls and boys shouldn’t be wearing it” 

The second session as part of our ongoing ‘Gender, sexuality and reproductive health curriculum” with adolescent boys of Government School, Dwarka was on “My Body is changing”. The workshop began with sharing about the intention for the day- what is the topic of the workshop, what is the need and what all may happen during the session. 

We then emphasized on the agreements which need to be followed so that the participants feel safe enough to participate and share freely. Last time, we noticed that students were laughing and mocking at their fellow students, so in order to ensure that this is not repeated we improvised and added one more agreement of “respecting each other” which was accepted by the participants after certain hesitation and conversations.

Following the energizer “Coin game”, the participants were divided into 5 groups where they were asked to discuss on 2 given questions in their respective groups and then the points of discussions were to be shared with the entire class. 

I was seeing one group discussing on the questions, so I thought to join them.

“What! Can’t you just say it, why are you being shy like a girl?” said one boy

The other boy was contemplating to respond, the first boy looked at me shocked as if someone has caught him! I took this opportunity to speak to him-

Me: “So, do you think I am shy?”

Boy: “No, not at all!”

Me: “Do you mean I am not a girl then?”

Boy: “No, no, you are a girl! I didn’t mean that”

Me: “But you said he was being shy like a girl? So all girls should be shy?”

Boy: “Actually everyone says that! But you are right being shy and being girl is different”

The outcomes of the discussion during the first activity were very interesting and intriguing-   

“While growing up, I was referred to as Sahil beta, so I came to know that I am a boy”

“Once during playing, I got injured and I heard my mother say, what happened to my boy- so I came to know that I am a boy”

“I was 5 years old, I saw a girl with very beautiful and long hairs so I asked my mom about why she has such long hairs, it was she told me that girls should have long hairs and boys like me should have short hairs”

“My dad was giving me bath, I was not wearing anything and so I came to know that I am a boy”

“In my village, one day I was running around naked, it was then I came to know that I am a boy”

“I was wearing clothes which are supposed to be worn by girls, my dad scolded me and told me that I shouldn’t be wearing all this because I am a boy”

“I came to know that I am a boy because my father told me. He had brought different clothes and toys for me and my sister- he said that toys should be ‘boy like’ for me and girls should have toys like them”

“My friends told me that I am a boy- I felt weird”

“I came to know that girls should wear saree and boys should wear coat –pants, hearing this I felt weird and sort of embarrassed”

“I came to know that girls put on lipsticks and boys have to do shaving- I felt very shy about it.”

“I came to know about this, when I saw my sister cooking food in the kitchen, so my father said girls should cook. I felt very bad”

“I was given car to play with so that made me understand that I am a boy because girls play with dolls”

“When I got a haircut”

“When I bought set-wet hair gel”

“When my big brother got shaving gel”

“When my sister wore saree”

“I was very happy when I came to know that I am a boy because I would be able to go out anywhere I want to”

“I felt good that I am a boy because girls are not allowed to study, at least I will be able to study”

“I was playing with girls, seeing that my mother told me that not to play with girls because I am a boy”

“I was 3 years old, when I went to school and saw different toilets for boys and girls. On asking my father, he told me that i should be going to boy’s toilet because I am a boy. I didn’t understand so I was confused and not happy”

“My mother told me that I am a boy, after neighbors kept asking her about me”

“When I went to school for the first time, then my parents told me that I am a boy”

“I felt very happy when I heard my friends and certain girls say that boys can live freely, do whatever they wish for”

The observations, the thought process, the kind of debate that went into the small groups and the sharing in the larger group were very crucial. It was not difficult to observe that the things/evidences because of which they came to know that they are boys are primarily the gender norms instead of physical attributes. It scares me because at this naïve age their mindsets are being hovered with the gender stereotypes boxing their senses to think in the most irrational binary ways while they could have explored the world uninhibited. 

In the next activity, the participants were divided into 5 groups where they were asked to draw body maps and discuss on the various aspects of growing up as asked in the 4 questions followed by presentation. 

It was difficult to begin with the entire group activity, basically because it was for the first time they were engaging in the team building exercise, so we supported them into breaking the tasks, assigning it to the different individuals and finally taking the reins into their hands as team member of team leader. 

Another interesting incident happened, while I was sitting with one of the groups- explaining the activity and the discussion- all of a sudden they all became silent, I was curious so I  asked, very hesitantly one of the boys asked me to leave because they felt shy in front of me. 

I was really in awe of the efforts that the participants were putting through in drawing the body map, naming the body parts, discussing the questions- it seemed chaotic and synchronized at the same time! The body maps were beautiful, very artistic and yes after lot of difficulty, embarrassment and running around they succeeded in drawing private parts.

 

Few of the discussion points-

Good things about growing up -

“Our brain gets developed, we are able to understand things in a better way, we become stronger, our height increase, we can fulfill our dreams, we can roam around freely, we can do things on our own, and people who used to trouble us previously can no longer do same when we grow up”  

    

Bad things about growing up-

We fall in bad company, instead of studying we focus on sports, some of the kids start doing drugs, our parents make us do more work, we lose our innocence, many a times we indulge in bad habits”

One of the boys said, “The challenging part of growing up is boys and girls get attracted to each other, don’t know what to do about it”

Following this, we discussed in detail what is puberty, what are the physical changes that happens during adolescence along with the feelings associated with it, how and why these changes take place- biology of human beings along with discussion on the private organs of male and females through a presentation. We also talked about periods (surprisingly few students were aware about the same) and wet dreams, as always there were giggles, smiles, few people hiding their faces, looking at the opposite directions but eventually they showed curiosity which was evident with the knowing look.

“Didi, can we have the link of the presentation?”

“Why?”

“This is interesting, you gave lot of information, no one ever told us about this!”

And I could just smile :-)

When ‘Identity session’ challenged us with gender stereotypes and questioned ‘inclusivity of classroom!

“I don’t want to take this sheet, can you give me another one” said one of the participant

“But why?”

To this question, not one but 4-5 boys said in unison that pink is the color of girls, we are boys and we shouldn’t take this!

We conducted our first workshop on “Who am I?” with another set of 30 adolescent boys studying in Government school, Dwarka sec-3, as part of gender, sexuality and reproductive health program. The session began with sharing our work at Sahas and details of weekly workshops on various thematic as part of program followed by the importance of the curriculum for adolescents.

Following the discussion on agreements, we did “Ek Ungli” energizer to bring the attention and energy of the participants in workshop space! It was very interesting to see many participants willing to do it again except one who refused to take part stating that he didn’t enjoy dancing. While playing the game, I saw a boy struggling with the steps – though I was instructing in a slow pace, he was finding it hard to grab and do it, and at the same time I saw another boy supporting him with the steps. I was taken aback, I always thought that this is the easiest game and seeing a child struggling to do the same hit my consciousness really hard. 

In the first activity the participants were invited to write answers to 15 questions based on “Myself”. As against the previous class, these boys were very calm, they took time to think and fill the answers.

In the second activity “Make your identity map”, the adolescents were asked to write things, words or sentences which they associate with themselves. After this, they had to share their identity maps in the larger group, in this process they had to pair with another person who shares one or more common points. This activity surprised us in many ways; there was constant mention of dislike towards fighting, one of them shared that he loved to learn new things, 2-3 boys said they love Hindi – for me this was particularly surprising because most of the time people find it shameful or they detest the language instead they take pride in saying that they know or love English. One of the boys shared his entire life story in the identity map- he had come from village to Delhi for studies, he shared his ambitions, also about his friend helped him to score good marks. This is actually the core of the activity that participants could figure out and relate their life and identity.  Few of the participants added an extra circle to add more words to their identity map. 

“I feel pity when I see poor people, so when I grow up I would support such people”

Here the participants didn’t just write hobbies as dancing but also choreography, just implying how clear they are- they not only want to learn but have the desire to facilitate that learning as well. I also noticed that none of them mentioned gender as their identity but most of them paired according to their ambitions or hobbies.

On asking how they felt being paired or not being able to find a person for pairing-

“I was surprised that he has written the same thing though he sat exactly opposite to me!”

“I was upset that I didn’t get a partner, I wanted to have a friend just like others”

“I was happy that someone has written what I wrote”    

What happened in the next activity “Changing identities in the life cycle” was shocking – it’s something that we never encountered in the past two years. The first picture was of a child- instead of saying that the participants argued that this is a baby girl because she looked like a girl, and then there was picture of a girl who was engineer- the participants kept on insisting that either she is a laborer or nurse or just girl! And for the third picture- instead of saying mother and child- they ended up saying mother and son. 

The issue of gender and socio-economic identity to an extent dominated the workshop pointing clearly the need for gender education in the schools. This was followed by sharing of the stories of Mahatma Gandhi and Rani Laxmi Bai when they were adolescents. The main objective being that during this stage, we have curiosities, we want to do things our way, we may commit mistakes, however it is important to understand and learn values because they lay the foundation for our life ahead and never be scared to ask questions!

In the next activity “Catch the ball and tell me”- participants shared their unique quality with the action- someone said dancing and he showed Michael Jackson’s moon walk, another one did a yoga pose, someone said he is good at skating, someone said cooking and so on.

In the last activity “Will you be my friend?” the participants were invited to get paired up with the person they were least acquainted with- then share answers on 6 questions, and finally present their new friend to the big circle. I was surprised and really happy to see one of the boys moving towards the other boy (who had difficulty in writing and reading) and making him his friend. Also both of them presented each other in the larger circle followed by loud clapping. Not only this, I could actually see how few of the students helped him in various places, motivating and waiting for him to participate- my heart was filled with joy! 

So, at the end the boy who appeared to be vulnerable, scared and looked puzzled was smiling looking at us, was playful and at that moment I thought that we have actually taken a step ahead towards co-creating an inclusive classroom