तेरा मेरा साथ... और कुछ एहसास

वैसे तो हवा और पानी के अलावा लगभग सभी चीजों के बिना जीया जाना मुमकिन है, पर ज़िंदगी में कुछ चीज़े अपने साथ एक एहसासात जोड़ लेती है और उनकी नामौजूदगी ज़िंदगी को मुश्किल कर देती है। हर कदम पर उनकी कमी खलती है, उनके आने का, अपने आसपास होने का, उस खुशनुमा एहसास का, उनकी महक का ज़िंदगी में अपना ही रुतबा होता है। 

उसकी मौजूदगी मेरी ज़िंदगी में कुछ ऐसे ही एहसासों से जुड़ी हुई है, उम्र के अलग अलग पड़ाव पर मैंने उसके लिए अपनी भावनाओं को महसूस किया है, जब कोई साथ नहीं होता तो उसके साथ ने आराम दिया है, अलग अलग मौसम में उसकी न बदलने वाली शख्सयित ने मुझे बेहद आकर्षित किया है, रात के दो बजे के अंधियारे में कमरे एक कोने में बैठकर हमने एक दूसरे के साथ अपना अकेलापन बांटा, लोगों के सागर के बीचों बीचे महसूस होते हुए खालीपन को उसने भरने में मेरी मदद की। 

Courtesy: Google

सर्दी के मौसम में रज़ाई के अंदर दुबकते हुए हमने एक दूसरे को गर्माहट दी, मेरी होठ जो दिल्ली के दिसंबर की कड़कती ठंड में नीले से पड़ गए थे उनकी लाली उसी ने वापस की, बारिश में तो हम दोनों को मानो खुली छूट मिल गई हो, जहां मन किया वो मिले, कभी पानी से भरी सड़क पर कूदते हुए तो कभी किसी रेस्तरां के कोने में, तो कभी मेरे घर की छत पर। बारिश और उसका साथ, उस समय मुझे किसी और की कोई तलब नहीं थी। 

 

मज़े की बात को ये है कि तरह तरह की पढ़ाई और कभी ऊपर चढ़ते तो कभी डांवा-डोल होते हुए मेरी करियर ग्राफ को भी उसने देखा, पर उसने कभी मेरा हाथ नहीं छोड़ा। जब एग्ज़ाम से पहले मिली छुट्टियों में मौज मस्ती करने के बाद, एग्ज़ाम से ठीक एक दिन पहले मुझे डर के बादल अपने आगोश में लपेट लेते थे तो वो किसी सुपरमैन की तरह मुझे न सिर्फ उससे आज़ाद करता था बल्कि उस खौफ से लड़ने के लिए ताकत देता था। घर में घुसते ही सबसे पहले मेरी निगाहे उसे ढूंढती थी, मेरा ज़हन उसको तलाशता था, उसके न होने पर एक अजीब तरह की बौखलाहट होती थी। उसके बिना रहने का तसव्वुर ही बेहद अजीब और गैरजरुरी जा लगता था। कॉलेज में जब मेरे पास पैसों की कमी होती थी, और मैं अपने जबरदस्ती के बनाए दोस्तों के साथ हैंग आउट नहीं कर पाती थी, तब भी उसने मेरा साथ दिया। 

नौकरी के दिनों को सोच कर तो शायद मैं और वो बहुत हंसते हैं, क्योंकि वहां उसने काफी दोस्त बनाए। छोटे-छोटे बहुत ही फिज़ूल से बहाने बनाकर मैं उससे मिलने जाया करती थी, और वो हमेशा की तरह मेरा इंतज़ार करता था। मेरे बदलते मूड और भावनाओं को भी उसने देखा है पर मेरा साथ नहीं छोड़ा। कई बार ऑफिस का गुस्सा भी, कभी कभार भद्दी भाषा में उसके सामने उगल दिया, लेकिन बाकी सारी कायनात के विपरित उसने मुझे जज नहीं किया, मेरे बारे में धारणाएं नहीं बनाई। गैर हमारी छुपन-छुपाई तो चलती रही, लेकिन फिर काम के बढ़ने और ऑफिस की पबांदियों की वजह से हमारी मुलाक़ाते कम हो गई, कई बार घर वापसी पर भी उससे मिलना नहीं हो पाता था। लेकिन दफ्तर में नाइट शिफ्ट के दौरान फिर से हमारी दोस्ती में रंग भर गए, फिर चुपके –चुपके मिलना हुआ, अच्छी बात ये है कि रात में पाबंदी कम लगती है पर समय की सीमा ने वहां भी काफी दिक्कतें डाली। 

इन सबके बीच में एक बात तो हमेशा स्थिर रही वो थी – कि जो उसे पसंद नहीं करेगा वो मेरा दोस्त नहीं बन पाएगा। ऐसा नहीं है कि हमारा साथ एकदम फूलों से भरे रास्तों पर चला है, कभी बार हमारी जिराह भी हुई, उसकी कड़वाहट ने मेरा ज़हन को बिगाड़ा, तो कभी बार दिनों-दिनों में हमारी मुलाकात नहीं हुई। कई जगहों पर उसकी गैरमौजूदगी इतनी खली कि मैंने उसे दीवानों की तरह ढूंढा पर उसका कहीं कोई नामो निशान नहीं मिला। मई में 16 दिनों की छुट्टियों में भी उसने एकदम मेरा साथ छोड़ दिया, बहुत ढूंढने पर भी उसने अपनी एक झलक दिखाना जरुरी नहीं समझा। अपने जन्मदिन पर मुझे उसके जैसे दिखने वाला बहरुपिया मिला, उसी जैसा रंग, उसकी जैसी महक पर वो नहीं था। खैर मैं काफी गुस्सा रही, दिमाग में सौ सवाल उछल कूद कर रहे थे, मेरा दिल भी मानो मेरी सोच को दर किनार कर रहा था, मैं उससे मिलना चाहती थी, उसे देखना चाहती थी, समझना चाहती थी कि क्या उसने भी मुझे इतनी ही शिद्दत से याद किया जितना मैंने ? शायद हां या शायद नहीं।

घर पहुंचते ही मां ने हमेशा की तरह एक सीधी लाइन में अलग-अलग बातों के निर्देश दिए- कि कहां सामान रखना है, नहा लो, कपड़े वहां डाल दो, जूते वहां रख दो...वगैरह वगैरह पर मेरी निगाहे उसे ही ढूंढ रही थी, तलाश रही थी मेरे उस दोस्त को जिसने बिना मेरा जीवन बेस्वाद और बेरंग लगता है। मेरी बौखलाहट को थोड़ी देर तक नज़रदांज करते हुए फिर समझते हुए मेरे पिता जी ने कहा जाओ अपने कमरे में ...मैं लेकर आता हूं।

मैंने राहत की सांस ली...जल्दी से नहाकर कपड़े बदलकर तैयार हुई...इतनी देर में मेरे पापा ट्रे में दो कप चाय लेकर आए...और उसे देखकर मेरे चेहर की मुस्कान एक बार फिर लौट आई..     

Capacity building of teachers of Hisar to co-create gender inclusive classrooms :-)

“We can use chemistry to explain gender and sexual identity” said one of the teachers

To say I was surprised was definitely an understatement because like seriously how is chemistry related to gender identities?

“Assuming that elements are say male and female- then through chemical reaction could be correlated to sex and the compound that is formed is the child (intercourse) and reaction between same elements can be related to homosexuals. Also an atom has protons, electrons and neutrons- they can also be used to explain gender”

It was very innovative and creative way of engaging in sexuality education with the students by incorporating it into their respective subjects. 

This is one of the most crucial and defining sessions of the ‘Gender sensitization and capacity building program’ with the teachers. The session began with the screening of the video “Class of Rowdies”. This was followed by engaging them on how we can make safe and gender inclusive classroom. 

In the next activity, mind mapping around “How can you use your subject knowledge to talk on these tabooed issues” was done where in very interesting ideas came- like in mathematics: pie charts can be used to talk about girl education and abuse, during physical education – boys and girls would be encouraged to play all types of games demolishing the mindsets that football is boys’ game or indoor being girls’ game; civics- there is chapter on stereotypes and judgments – this can be used extensively to talk about gender; there are listening and reading passages given in English- these passages can be based on issue- for examples taboos based on menstruation; History can be powerful tool where we can also talk about women warriors, story of nomads to build on gender. 

Following this, teachers were engaged on “what all teaching aids you can use to talk on these tabooed issues?”

This included using chart papers, presentations, real life experiences, debates on issues, group discussions, games, videos, story-telling and theatre for example- on domestic violence, sexual harassment etc.

In the next part of the session, the participants were invited to prepare 10 minute session on any issues of adolescents- puberty, menstruation, sex education, body image, peer pressure or child sexual abuse based on their understanding from the sessions that we engaged with them. It was wonderful to see teachers sitting using their creative potential to fullest and prepare colorful and innovative sessions.

Biology teachers used chart papers to depict menstrual cycle, various contraceptive measures; another one prepared a chart where she depicted social and biological aspect of sex. One of the participants used concepts of chemistry to explain gender; many of them prepared sessions on child sexual abuse and peer pressure.        

        

It was also interesting to see how one of the teachers captioned her design as “puberty- not a punishment’-“Talk/share/react”. One of the teacher suggested using open session- where questionnaire, openly ask questions, video screening, ideas where there could be peer to peer learning and supporting each other.

It was overwhelming to see these amazing designs- so many different ways, styles and forms of imparting sexuality education and what enthralled me most was the look of willingness and happiness on the faces of participants to be able to accomplish the same!

We closed the session by inviting the participants to write about their experience of the two day workshop-

“When we were asked to attend the workshop, I thought it would lecture mode, we would sit and listen but this was so different- we were challenged, made to reflect on hidden parts of our lives, it was an overwhelming experience”

“It was an amazing experience, I learnt a lot”

“It was a good day, got to understand the mess our society is; the wrong practices and mindsets, enabling us to see and challenge the same”

“Workshop left me with lot of questions. How much we are safe? How can we build safe sexual, physical and emotional environment”

“Very informative workshop, shared personal experiences and learnt so many things”

“Wake up time, getting recharged, informative and loved it”

“We learn many more things that how we can communicate with adolescents on different topics”

“Interactive session, lot of discussion, talks, sharing on sex, adolescence, periods, sexual violence- important information to be delivered to our coming generations”

I am grateful and happy!   

Understanding the need of Sexuality Education in the schools of Hisar

“One of the girls in my relatives got periods, her mother didn’t tell her in details, instead she told her all the don’ts-  like don’t talk to your father about it, don’t touch something etc. The girl was suffered severe depression because she thought she is suffering from some illness and her mother is not taking her to doctor as she is a girl so it doesn’t even matter if she dies. It took lot of time for her to recover from depression” one of the participants shared.

The main objective of the second day of the workshop was capacity building of the teachers so that they can implement sexuality education in their classrooms. However, that requires the teachers to acknowledge and understand the need of sexuality education. 

In the first activity, the participants were divided into 6 groups where they were given one statement each, which they need to discuss in their groups and share their points with larger circle. These statements are commonly used against the implementation of the sex-ed in classrooms.

Sexuality education is completely against our culture-

“If this is true, then what about Khajurao, Krishana and Radha love story, the glorious description of Rashlila, Kunti having son with Lord Sun- this has been part of our culture since beginning”

“The lack of awareness leads to more harm, there was this 12 years old who saw her parents having sex. Primarily in India, parents let their children sleep in their rooms and engage in sex assuming that their kids are deep asleep. So, she had sex with someone out of curiosity and this came to notice only when she got pregnant”

“When I was young, there was this famous song so I was singing this song- hai mera pao bhari hogaya. Hearing this song, my mom got furious and told me never to sing this song in front of brothers. I came to know that it means getting pregnant. After months later, my aunt told me that your feet seems heavy, I freaked out- for 3-4 continuous days I was holed in my own room staring at my feet and stomach, constantly thinking that I didn’t do anything so how can I get pregnant”

“I read a story in newspaper, where a girl committed suicide because she was depressed. It was all due to the fact that she had periods”

This group shared a number of stories on how adolescent girls suffers trauma due to lack of awareness around periods which causes fear and panic. They also brought out the impact of media as to how they glorify sex and physical intimacy without any filter. The group concluded to the fact that sexuality education is need of the hour and it is absolutely not against Indian culture, however the information should be delivered age appropriate and with sensitivity.

Giving students this kind of information is like giving them a green signal to experiment.  

“If the adolescents are not aware, then they wouldn’t know if they are victims of sexual abuse”

“Its human nature to be curious and defying so when things are hidden, the kids will try different ways to gather information and that would result in experimentation”

“If the adolescent is aware about the issues and outcomes of his/her action then they can choose their course of action, there would be consent”

“This should be included and integrated as part of curriculum hence normalizing the otherwise tabooed topics”

“We have studied in biology, how vaccines are produced from the source of illness (microbes!)-  so they are nothing but poison! So when it is given at minimal doses every day, increasing the dose at regular intervals, the body becomes tolerant towards the poison thereby developing resistance towards the disease. In the same way, sexuality education should be imparted- if we bombard adolescents with entire information- it won’t be helpful however if we provide this information right from the beginning then they will be more responsible to take their decisions”

All these things doesn’t happen in my school/class

“That’s not true, irrespective of spaces or school or age, this is a wide range phenomenon, kids at very young age comes to know about periods, condoms and sex”

“The awareness is needed for the protection and safety of students”

“the teachers are like bridge between parents and children, so if they are more conscious in giving information, than things could be managed”

“With this awareness, the students will be freer to share both good and bad experiences”

“Adolescence is like a state of hurricane, where everything is displaced, chaotic, there are lot of changes in terms of physical, social, psychological and sexual so if in this state they get a harbor which could be their parents or teachers, they would be able to deal with the situation in more sensible way”

Why do you use the word “Sex” in education? Why can’t it be called by another name?

“There is no need to replace the word, it should be used frequently so as to challenge the taboo around it. If we don’t use this word than that indicates that there is something wrong with it- like it shouldn’t be said hence creating a wrong impression”

“So, students will still try to find the meaning or essence of it, if it is not used publicly”

“Also when sex is associated with education it actually implies the necessity to understand the word”

Teachers are already overburdened with work without having this extra subject to teach

There is no denying factor that the above statement is very true however this group had some of the most important points that indicates the importance of Sex education

“It is the need of the hour considering how crime rates are increasing, so it should be given equal importance as any other subjects”

“Children during this stage of life are struggling, this is real life situations, they have curiosities and questions and I think that’s what education if for”

“Half-baked knowledge is dangerous so it’s important to impart age appropriate knowledge”

“It’s also needed to reduce sex related diseases, sexual offences, for awareness and for better decision making”

What will parents of my students say if they hear about the kinds of things being discussed in a sexuality class?

“I feel sometimes students are treated as football, teachers say that the parents should take the responsibility and many a times parents throw their responsibility over the teachers. Interestingly no one of this works”

“I think parents do think that this is an important issue, and many a times they don’t know how to talk to kids about sex so they won’t really mind if teachers impart sex-ed”

This activity brought out some real life experiences from the lives of the participants as they are not just teachers but also parents. 

To conglomerate the need of the sexuality education we engaged with the participants on the issues of adolescence giving them an opportunity to reflect on their experiences while they were adolescents!

The session began with good things and bad things of growing up- the participants shared that the rising confidence, freedom, the urge to look beautiful by using make up or dress up and being attracted to opposite gender was good things about growing up however there was discomfort about physical changes, agitation towards parents, more reliability towards peers, confusion were few bad things about growing up.

They also shared how the chapter of reproduction was always skipped, and if they were supposed to study- they would sit alone, hide somewhere to read it 

About menstruation- none of the participants knew about periods before they had it- also when they had first periods they were bombarded with do’s and don’ts like don’t go to puja ghar, don’t talk to boys, don’t even touch them, don’t touch pickle etc, but nobody actually explained them what periods are actually!         

 One of the participants shared a very beautiful story where her mother never posed any restriction on her during periods but rest of the friends always talked about these don’ts. She had taken part in race during sports day, and that very day she had periods. She was scared and was contemplating whether to take part or not. When she asked her mother, she told her to take part in race irrespective of the situation. She gathered the courage, ran and won the race, this small incident not only boosted her confidence but busted all the myths about periods.  

There were lots of experiences shared on the topic of Peer Pressure-

“My mother used to heavily oil my hairs, makes two braids and insisted me to wear long skirt in the school. I used to see that all my friends had boys eyeing them. So I convinced my mom not to oil my hairs and on reaching school, I used to fold my skirt. This worked and I saw boys noticing me”

“I used to have long hairs. There was this program in my school so all my friends decided to have short hairs and matching clothes. My mother would have killed me if I get a haircut but I couldn’t say no to my friends. So I convinced my sister to cut my hairs in home late at night so that mom won’t come to know. My mom used to teach in the same school, she saw me and confronted me- I just put the blame entirely on my sister”

It was interesting to see how teachers actually reflected on their adolescent years and correlated with the current situation of their students. This discussion once again emphasized that due to lack of information- they were very clueless at many times, hence they don’t want to put their students through the same misery!