“One day I asked my
father to give me some money, at the same time my sister also asked for money.
I got the money but my father questioned her as to why she needs money, even
when answered my dad gave her very less money”
The fifth session with
the adolescent students of Government school, Dwarka divulged deeply on “What
does it mean to be a boy or a girl?” as this is the group where gender showed
it sign in the very first session of “identity” where few boys refused to take
pink sheets stating that it’s a girl’s color. The workshop began once again
with a new energizer ‘Banana Dance’, courtesy our team member who is also a
dancer! It was so amazing and enticing that I couldn’t stop myself from doing
it with the rest of the participants.
In
the next step of the same activity: with the same chits they were asked to form
three lines – ‘Men’; ‘Women’ and “Both”- from here the actual conversation
started, quite evident the line of men decreased and with conversation as to
why do you think only men can do it not women, there remained only one person
who had chit of ‘beard’ which is obviously not a big asset or gives men any
superpower however in women line- there were still two people with chits “being
pregnant” and “feeding baby” definitely more important which made boys pause
for a while.
For the next part, the
participants were divided into groups of 3 and they were invited to share “3
key messages they have received being a boy” in their respective groups, some
of them –
“When I was small, my
father told me to keep hairs short, not to wear frock”
“When I was a kid, I
really loved my mother’s bangles but my told me not to have them because they
should be worn only by girls”
“I was wearing some
clothes, my mom stopped me from wearing it saying that these clothes should be
worn by girls”
“I was sitting and
eating food with girls, then some boys made fun of me saying that you are a boy
and you are eating food with girls. I felt bad”
“My father got a doll,
I really liked it but it was given to my sister saying that girls play with
dolls”
“I was washing my
clothes, but my mother told me that boys shouldn’t wash their clothes”
“I was watching a
serial on television, seeing that my friends mocked me and said only girls
watch serials”
“Once I was cooking
food, and then some guests came to our home. They saw me and told me that this
work should be done by girls, why don’t you ask your sister to cook food. I
don’t ask her because I like cooking. This was the first time I came to know
the difference between girls and boys”
“My mother asked me not
to wash dishes and let the sister do it because that’s not what boys should do”
“I was told that girls
play kabaddi”
“My parents tell me
that I shouldn’t stay in home all the time as girls”
“My dad told me that
girls go to their in laws house once they are married while boys stay at their
place”
“About a week ago, in
my tuition something happened so the teacher slapped the boy. After a while he
came to know that it was girl’s mistake, so he said if you were a boy I would
have slapped you too”
“I heard my uncle say
that girls do commerce because they need to do bank jobs”
“I was in my house
doing some work, the same time an aunty came to our home. My mother told her
that my son does all the work, however aunty said that all these work should be
done by girls and not by boys. From that day, I don’t do household work”
“In my home, girls are
not allowed to go to the market”
“Girls are not allowed
to roam around with friends”
“In my house, I have
heard that girls can’t do anything else than household chores”
“Boys can’t go to last
day celebrations of navratre- where only girls are fed”
“boys don’t do makeup,
shouldn’t wear pink dresses”
“You are a boy so you
should focus on your studies”
“Boys can drive car and
bikes”
“You are a boy so you
will inherit my property”
“You must have a heavy
voice, be louder”
“Why do you walk like
girls?”
“Why do you cook food?”
“Boys are sent to
private schools while girls are sent to government school”
“Girls are sent to work
in societies while boys do better jobs”
“Boys can do whatever
fashion they want to but girls can’t”
“I was three years old
when I wore my sister’s clothes then my mother told me that I shouldn’t wear
such clothes”
“Why have you kept
hairs like girls?”
Through the game of
Chinese whispers and co-constructing gender story, in which participants
enthusiastically participated we engaged on understanding gender, how it
affects people and things around them, taking the conversations ahead in terms
of challenging gender norms and stereotypes.
While, co-constructing
gender story, a very interesting question came up- How did humans learn to have
sex?
Post the discussion;
the participants were divided into 4 spaces namely home, school, leisure and
public spaces where they spend most of their time of the day and were asked to
engage on ‘gender differences they see in the mentioned spaces’
Home-
“Boys don’t do
household work like cleaning rooms, cooking, washing clothes”
“Boys don’t do make up,
don’t wear frocks, can’t keep long hairs and does all the manual work that
requires strength whereas girls can’t wear jeans, can’t have facial hairs,
should have long hairs”
“Girls can’t go out in
night while boys can go whenever they wish to”
“My dad once got everyone
ice-cream costing 20 rupees each, we were short of one ice cream so my sister
didn’t get one. My dad gave her 10 rupees to buy ice-cream I felt bad”
School-
“Girls have to go to
school in the morning while boys go in afternoon”
“Toilets are different
for boys and girls”
“Male and female
teachers have very different style of teaching”
“We have lot of male
teachers but only 2 female teachers”
“Male teachers are very
strict while female teachers are caring and loving”
“Girls mostly study
home sciences, play indoor games while boys mostly play cricket”
“Boys receive more and
strict punishment than girls”
“Boys wear pants while
girls wear skirt in school”
“Boys and girls stand
or sit in different lines”
“Teachers don’t allow
or scold us when boys and girls talk”
“Whenever a girl talks
to sir, teachers respond very nicely to them against boys”
“In most of the
classes, there are more boys than girls”
“Whenever there is a
fight or anything between boys and girls, then teachers always blame boys”
Leisure-
“We can’t talk openly to
girls but with boys”
“We hesitate to be
friends with girls”
“We feel shy roaming
around with girls and not with boys”
“When I was going with
a girl to the school, my friends mocked and insulted me”
Public spaces-
“There is a coach and
seat reservation in every coach for women in metro”
“We see more of boys in
market because girls are not allowed to go outside but boys and girls both need
things from the market”
“I have seen that
though woman have seats reserved, they sit anywhere and we can’t make them get
up but any woman can make us get up from our seats”
“In tuitions, boys are
beaten over small mistakes however girls get away with mild scolding”
During one of the
discussions in the small group, one of the boys was not writing anything, so
one of the facilitator asked “What happened?”
Student: “I don’t see
any difference in my home, we all live happily”
Facilitator: “So, how
do you come to school?”
Student: “Bike”
Facilitator: “Do you
have a sister? If yes, how does she come to school?”
Student: “I do have a
sister and I drop her to school on bike.”
Facilitator: “Why do
you have bike and you drop her? Imagine if your father brought a vehicle bike
or scooty for her and she drops you at school!”
Hearing this, the boy
turned pale and was speechless and next we knew he was writing the difference
he sees at this home. So, it was a learning experience for us too, that
sometimes showing them an alternative reality is all what is needed for the
change to begin.
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