कुछ बातें :-)

कुछ बातें, अनकही बातें, फिज़ूल की बातें, बेबाक निगाहें, कभी आंखे चुराती, कभी दिल को टीस देती बातें, तेरी याद दिलाती हैं, मन कहता है कि तुझे याद रखूं, दिमाग कहता है कि पुराने पन्ने की तरह तुझे अपनी ज़िंदगी की किताब से अलग कर दूं। तेरा आना सावन की तरह था, अब वो सावन कावंड़ियों के आने जाने से जाना जाता है। नाराज़ नहीं हूं पर गुस्सा आता है कभी कभी अपनी बेवकूफ़ी और नासमझी पर, अपनी हरकतों पर, शराब की तरह काम के नशे में डूबने पर, रिश्तों के टूटने पर , अंधेरे में गुम हो जाने पर, सूरज के अस्तित्व को नकारने पर, बेवकूफ थी कि अपने दिल को एक काफिर, दानव के हाथ में डाल दिया जिसने रेगिस्तान में पीठ पर वार कर दिया।

लिखने में डर लगता है, लगता है कि दिल के अंधेरे को आवाज़ मिल जाएगी, और अंधकार को रोशनी धोखा दे देगी। सांस ली, वॉक किया, हंसी मुस्कुराई पर मानो पूर्वी गुम हो गई है, बात करने में काफी मुश्किल होती है, घबराहट भी होती है, दोस्त नहीं बना पाती, आत्मविश्वास दल दल में धंस गया है। उफ्फ एकदम खजुराहो की याद आ गई, वहां एक बेहद सुंदर तालाब था, कमल खिल रहे थे, लगा उन्हें पकड़ लूं, जकड़ लूं फिर वो झरना यार मन कर रहा है कि काश मैं एक स्वच्छंद नदी होती शायद पानी का अस्तित्व मज़ेदार होता है, ठंडा शीतल पानी जो ज्वालामुखी के लावे से बने पत्थरों पर ऐसी चोट करता है जो एक निडर, विश्वजीत रास्ता बनाता है। मैं शायद वहीं रास्ता हूं, निडर, अकेला और शीतल- न कोई फिक्र, न कोई आकंशा बस चलते जाने का मन, समय के भाव में रम जाने का मन, हाय मेरा मन :-)

Survival of the fittest: how women struggle in railways and survive too!

I love train journeys ever since I was a child. Though initially I had no choice considering my father being in Army and we had to shift places all across the country depending on where he is posted. My early memories are of second class coach which was quite comfortable mostly with lot of luggage and ticket collector problems. However as I grew older, I simply enjoyed sitting in train going to far off places, watching over the windows, passing trees, river and yes meeting different people! But second class shifted to third AC and eventually 2^nd AC because of comfort and sense of security.

I remember coming from Jhansi to Pune in 2^nd class via train where we didn’t get reservation; the coach was full of maddening crowd, interestingly the people who had reservation couldn’t even reach towards their own seats. I was scared and on that I decided not to travel without reservation! And somewhere that’s the reason why I refrain from traveling in the second class coach. But while travelling from Khajuraho to Jhansi, my friend and I had no option but to travel with second class ticket. It was quite warm that day, we got our seats in the crowded coach. I took a sigh of relief which didn’t really last long. 

To my surprise, there were two trains which moves from Khajuraho to Jhansi (this is not the last destination), however at one random station, few coaches were added to the train in which I was traveling and what happened next was nothing less than a huge chaos. Oceans of people barged in the coach (this included people without reservations, with general ticket) and with every passing station the crowd just kept growing, making difficult for people to even stand on their two feet. The people with reservation tried doing everything to shoo them away that included abuses, physical pushing, insulting, requesting etc, however nothing worked. 

At the very same time, i saw a woman requesting the person lying on the top berth to give some space so that her 2 years old son could sit. He refused and refused but with her constant pleading he agreed! To his surprise, this lady climbed up with his son in her lap along with another woman, making that man to sit. The crowd went mad calling that woman by names, asking her to get down, and insulting her but she seemed persistent giving fitted reply!

I was rather happy seeing the woman not because she took someone’s place but how she actually gathered the courage to survive in the maddening crowd consisting of men. She travels daily, she has a son in her arms and definitely if she keeps standing, it is a surety that one or other she might get hurt, molested or her son would suffer in many possible way but defying the traditional structures she fought back and make a space for herself. I don’t think that is unfair, after all that’s what Darwin said!  

'Puberty: My body is changing'

“How did you feel when you first came to know you are a boy?”

“What a question, anybody would feel good being a boy so even I felt great that I am a boy”, shares the participant.

Is it so inherent or obvious that being born as a boy is the best thing? It seemed so when this participant said it for all the boys with such exuberance that for that second, it did look convincing.

The session on “knowing your body” began with the “coin game” energizer followed by brief revision of last session and introduction as to what will happen in next 2 hours. The participants were divided into the groups of 5 where they were invited to discuss over 3 given questions and then share the group’s insight with the larger circle.

“I got admission in the school, I asked my father, with whom I will be studying then he told me that I would be studying along with our neighbor’s son because I am a boy”

“I came to know through my parents and books”

“When I was 5 years old, I was playing with girls, then my friends told me that I am a boy and I should play with boys”

“My grandmother had come from village, at that time we didn’t had phones so she didn’t know that I was born. So while I was taking bath, she said I am a boy”

“When my dad for the first time called me son, then when I went to school which had only boys, also when my dad bought me car then I came to know that I am a boy”

“When I came to know that I am a boy I was very happy because my parents always wanted a boy. Also if I am boy I can grow up and do big things for my country. Considering the discrimination that existed between, boys and girls, I am glad that I am a boy”

“When I was in3 or 4^th class, my height increased, voice started becoming heavy that’s when I realized that I am a boy. Also in my family I have one sister. I have seen how mummy asks her to always do household chores and they have no problem with me playing throughout the day”

It was for the first time since our first intervention at My Perch that in the very first activity of Puberty, gender became so predominant, just the mention of the word “Boy” lead to series of gender difference the participants see in their homes, neighborhood and school.

In the next activity, the participants were divided into 3 groups where they were asked to draw the body map, answer 4 questions around growing up and then presenting their discussion and body map in the larger circle. There was so much enthusiasm in choosing one person from the group to drawing his body map, making perfect lines, using right colors, drawing body parts and naming them. While the participants were engrossed in drawing and discussing the questions among themselves, there was so much hesitance and complete ignorance towards mentioning the private part. After giving a hint, all the three group drew the private parts, while 1^st group actually hide it with a notebook. But when the time of presentation came by, they were all confident in sharing the body map and the answers.

“The bad part about growing up is we end up thinking about all the wrong things, such as teasing girls, making girlfriends, visiting websites that we are told not to see, using phones, going to friends with drug habits etc”

“When I was young I used to be very naughty nobody used to say anything but now if I do anything naughty I am thrashed by my family”

“If we gain weight or have grown more in height, all the people call us by names like lambhoo, motu etc”

“When we are growing, we have hairs all over the body, on chest, on armpits, on arms, legs and even around private parts which is bad, there is itching, sweat and irritation”

Another interesting part of the body maps was that out of 3, 2 of the groups have actually drawn 6 packs abs hinting the growing influence of body image. When I asked who has the 6 pack abs in the class, no one said yes but many hands rose when I asked who all wants to have them! 

This session turned out to be interesting and unique in many ways- not only we talked about body changes that happen in girls and boys bodies, their private parts but also paved the way for our upcoming session on Gender, peer pressure and body image.

Knowing "Who am I ?"

“The identity of one changes with how one perceives reality”~ Vitu Jeyaloganathan

But what exactly is this reality? - The one that we see, understand, believe or what society, educational institution, our family or friends builds it! It is crucial for one to have conversation with one own self to understand his/her own identity which more or less makes the person that we are. The second intervention with the boys from the government school in Dwarka began with the first session on “Identity”.

After the energizer and agreements, the participants were given a sheet of paper having questions on “myself” which ranged from favorite food, to their dreams to their likes and dislikes and others. This was followed by inviting the participants to draw their “identity map” where in they were supposed to write the words, feelings, thoughts associated with them. Unlike the previous intervention which also involved all boys group, here only one pair came together on the shared identity of “boy” which left me wondering about how strong is ‘gender identity’ for the boys? 

Few of the interesting things came up while the participants shared their identity maps with the large circle.

“I help my mother in household work”

“I am very scared of the teachers in the school”

One of the participant addressed his parents as “Mere priyay mataji… mere priyay pitaji..”

“I felt really good sharing things about myself in front of everyone”

“I was scared and little overwhelmed as to whom I would be pairing up with, how will I talk?”

“Between us, except for three things everything was same. It was interesting to talk on how similar we are. I didn’t know this though we are in same class”

“I felt sad that no one was paired with me.”

Then it was explained to the participants how the identity is not stable/stationary it keeps changing with the age and phases of life. In order to explain how important is to question and understand identity during adolescence, we shared the story of “Mahatma Gandhi’s adolescence”  Another interesting activity followed, where in each participant had a chance to share one positive quality about themselves in the larger circle. Sharing positive aspects is not that easy which was clearly indicated here, as most of the participants ended up sharing how good they are in studies and how much they like studying and it was only after a round and 2, few of them shared that – they like drawing, dancing, playing cricket etc.

In the last activity, the participants were divided in pairs where they were supposed to ask 6 questions to each other, helping them to know each other and then present their partners in the larger circle. It was very interesting to see how creatively they introduced each other, it seemed that each had a unique friend and they knew each other really well.

This group is very different from the last set of participants, they are little shy, wanting to share but something seems to stop them however once again I could understand how important it is to talk about oneself and yes it does bring to reality.