“With education, girls
are able to put across their perspectives and thoughts more accurately with
rationale. They are able to express freely, say what is right and what is wrong
according to them. When they voice their opinions against what is wrong, they
are backed by their educational qualifications. This is assumed as rebellion or
misbehavior which is actually not true! Without education, women kept quiet,
didn’t raise their voice and remained suppressed now when they go out for
studies and job, they get opportunity to learn, explore and express. This
starts from home, if they can’t express themselves in home what they will do in
the outer world. This is as simple as that- so I don’t agree that with
education women become rebellion instead it gives them ability to be who they
are!
” shares one of the participants
International Women’s
day is celebrated all across the globe to acknowledge the struggles, constant
fight against violence and victory of feminist movements since 1910. It’s been years that women have been
constantly fighting for their rights that should have been given since the beginning.
On this occasion, we at Sahas organized an event in order to engage with women
living in our community over the issues of gender and violence by co-creating a
space where they can share their experiences, feelings and feel supported.
Another important aspect of creating such spaces is to bring out the voices of
invisible women belonging to middle class.
The day began with
sharing of our gender work at Sahas and importance of International Women’s day
followed by each participant introducing them. I have been hearing since long
time that world is changing now, women and men are equal, they are given equal opportunities
and now women stand tall against men but all these statements lost their
meaning in the very first activity of our workshop when we asked them to share
anyone of their good quality. None of them sadly could share their good
quality, 2-3 who tried end up saying that they like to take care of their
family, they don’t have patience and that’s bad because women are supposed to
be patient.
To bring energy and enthusiasm,
we played Ungli dance- this energizer did wonder because every participant
enjoyed, danced and even volunteered to lead it for the next round. In the next
activity, we invited participants to share on, “What does being a women means
to them?” We didn’t really expect any path breaking answers or something out of
box as this is may be their first time sitting in a circle, getting the space
to share their mind which usually doesn’t happen – so we were even ready for
blank pages but their responses surprised us in many ways-
“I am a complete
housewife with lots and lots of patience who is constantly trying to keep
family happy”
“I am a woman first, I
am a good daughter, wife and mother. I keep trying to be a good and honorable
daughter in law”
“I am a minuscule part
of half of the population of this world. With all relationships, I am Swati
(name changes), owner of salon, singer, make-up artist and zumba enthusiast.
Apart from that, I am an aggressive girl who is always ready to explore new
things.”
“For me, being a woman
means love. The love that we offer to our parents, husband, in laws and to our
children; taking care of them and their needs. For me this is a beautiful
feeling. ”
“I am a mother, I love
being with my family and invest my time in the work. I enjoy my womanhood and I
don’t like to be held back”
“For me, a woman is one
who does all women related work even if she wants to do or not. For me, women
should have all the freedom what a man has- equal rights. I am trying to be
complete mother, a complete wife and trying to keep myself happy in every
circumstances of my life. Most importantly I am happy to be a teacher because
that gives me an identity of my own.”
“A woman means earth –
the one who bears all the pains and struggle still wishes to spread love and
happiness to everyone”
“Being a mother is very
important aspect of a woman because that is something that provides the
foundation of womanhood and completes a woman.”
These stories of women
belonging to middle class, some of them being homemakers, teachers and small entrepreneurs
bring out the gendered realities of our society where being woman still means
that you are defined by the relationship – mother, daughter, wife, daughter-in
law irrespective of the fact whether you are educated and working or not!
Taking care of others, keeping their interests before you, multitasking,
feeling guilty of not doing responsibilities even though other members of
family could do that work, not taking a moment for yourself without really
thinking about what people may be saying is so ingrained that they don’t really
know themselves beyond the ties of relationships. In our so called gender
inclusive and progressive world- where do we place these women? What about
their identity, their empowerment or just their happiness?
In the next activity,
the participants were divided into 4 groups and each was given a statement to
discuss upon. These statements are the ones frequently used stereotypes for women.
Women gossip a lot, so
you should never tell any important thing or secrets to them as they just can’t
stomach the information-
“We can’t generalize
this statement for all women, it’s not true. Long back, women were not allowed
to go out of their houses, in those times they used to talk and share things as
a way to express themselves and now they can speak to more people. However
saying that they can’t stomach secrets, it’s irrational because we all know so
many things about our own household and neighbors but we don’t keep shouting
that.”
It’s women’s responsibility
to cook food whether you are a homemaker or working somewhere
“We have been told
since our childhood by our elders that it’s our duty to do household chores, if
we don’t do that the goddess of money and happiness will move away from the house.
This is the reality we have grown up hearing so we find happiness in doing
chores.”
A very interesting
conversation happened on the statement – “A woman is another woman’s greatest
enemy.”
One of the participants
shared, “I totally agree with the statement because there are number of women
who are always ready to pull others down specifically mother in law. There are
times when daughter in law wants to go out for fun, for job but their mother in
law in spite of being woman stops her, puts hurdles and engages her in the
household chores.”
Another participant
shared, “I don’t really agree with this statement because while women keep
blaming their mother in law, not every time they are at fault. It seems like
fashion for woman to bash another, there are times when daughter in law does
the same. I think instead of blaming each other, we should pull each other in
forward direction.”
Taking cue from this
conversations followed by chit activity, gender was explained and the
participants were encouraged to challenge the norms and gendered roles.
In the next activity,
few statements were read aloud to grasp the understanding of gender based
violence from the participants. It was interesting to see how they agreed on
all the five statements being an act of violence though most of them adhere to
doing the same in their day to day life. This contradictory statement
highlighted the gendered mindsets of the society where we claim to understand
and challenge violence but at the same time we do engage in contributing
towards violence by adhering to patriarchal structure.
On the basis of this discussion,
understanding on various forms of gender based violence was built. During this,
the practices followed during periods were highlighted where the participants
shared their harrowing experiences of discrimination while menstruating. From
making girls and women sleep on floor to secluding them to cowsheds, not
allowing them to touch food or go to kitchen to making them fast and not
allowing them to take bath are still followed in modern settings even in metro
cities.
The workshop culminated
with inviting the participants to share one dream that they see for themselves just
for them above all the relationships and things they are surrounded with.
“I wish to see myself
progressing with time, travel abroad.”
“I wish to be empowered
so that my life is not wasted”
“I want to see myself
growing strong as a teacher and principal so that my school can become much
better. I wish to earn good money so that I can fulfill all my wishes
especially traveling to various countries”
“I want to give a solo
performance on stage in front of huge audience”
“I wish to expand my business
and make name for myself”
These wishes gave me a
hope for better world for women. When these participants came in for the
workshop, they were quiet, engaged in their respective groups and were worried
about the time but as we approached closure they were smiling, interacting with
other women openly and also suggesting that we could have more events like
that, few of them even showed interest in volunteering!
I was exhausted but
these conversations made me happy. The most beautiful thing that happened post
the event was my mother talking to my father about how eloquent and inspiring I
was while talking to women. She also asked me to do ungli dance in front of my
dad. I asked her to do it – she happily complied showing the energizer, I guess
that will be in my list of most cherished moments considering how my mother
despises showing emotions and dance. This International Women’s day was truly
rewarding because the change begins from home!
