“In our villages, girls are sent to
school as a mere formality so that they can write their name, village’s name
and probably learn how to do their signature that’s it. If the school is at far
distance from their village, then the parents would stop them from studying
altogether. And if a girl wants to study, then she is told: what will you do by
studying ultimately you have marry and do household chores so it’s better that
you learn how to cook and engage in household work rather than wasting time in
reading.”
Gender gram began with implementing ‘Gender
sensitization and capacity building program’ for community workers engaging with
diverse population in different villages of Varanasi – adolescents girls and
women through sewing centers and self-help groups, young people on education and career counseling,
young kids through schools. The objective of the program was to build their
understanding on gender issues by reflecting in their personal lives and around
them followed by supporting them in translating these learning’s into their
respective work.
During the first session on gender, the
participants were invited to share messages they have received on being a man
or a woman –
“I was told not to ride bicycle, come
back home before dawn, learn household chores, shouldn’t talk or be friends
with boys. Though women cook food, but they can eat only after every member in
the family has eaten. When it comes to milk, ghee or cream, only boys get the privilege
to eat it”
“Daughters, daughter-in-laws are asked
to speak in very low volume, if a girl raises her voice it is considered
uncultured and bad.”
“You can only go out after you get
permission and with a strict restriction to come back on time. There is
restriction on watching television or speaking on phone. If you speak for
longer duration, then everything will be analyzed- what were you talking, with
whom, what was the conversation about, why such long talk etc.”
“If a man cries, then they are taunted
and called names. On applying powder, it is said why are behaving like mehraru,
bahu, ladhki?”
It was interesting to see how one of the
groups twisted the activity and shared things as ‘If I were a man’
“We didn’t have television or theatres
in our villages while I was a young girl. However people could watch movies on
VCR, which was accessible only to the boys. Now, I was too invested in the
movies, so I used to sneak out to watch them. On being caught, my mother used
to beat me. If I was a boy, I would have seen movies without the fear of being
thrashed.”
After understanding gender, the
participants then reflected on gender differences they see in their homes,
workplace, education, religion, media and public spaces-
“From giving birth to feeding to taking
care of the child is supposed to be prime responsibility of a woman and even
when you don’t want a child, it is woman who should get sterilization done (nasbandi)
and not man”
“During panchayat elections, men
have no qualms with their wives contesting for the post of sarpanch and campaigning
through the villages. But as soon as they are elected, their husbands take up
the decision making, meeting people and acting as sarpanch while
restricting their wives to household duties. This is a very common phenomenon
seen in villages”
“We don’t have bathrooms in every house,
there is a public toilet that is mostly used by men. Women can’t access that,
and if they go people openly judge them and point fingers at them”
While we conglomerated the gender
differences in various spaces, few observations were shared by the participants
which led to the discussion on patriarchy – “As I am seeing these 6 chart
papers, it is evident that huge inequality on the basis of being man and woman
exists. The power of decision making, access to resources, mobility all lies
with men, while women are just told what to do and what not to do. ”
When we first hear the word violence,
graphic pictures of physical assault, rape, murder etc comes to our mind
because of which it becomes difficult to see or understand that discrimination based
on gender, the mindsets that promotes gender biases or psychological trauma for
example unequal pay, women being solely responsible for cooking and doing
household chores or men shouldn’t cry doesn’t seem to be an act of violence.
Taking examples from day to day life, discussing on the gender stereotypes,
roles and responsibility we built understanding on gender based violence by
having a discourse on various types- economical, psychological, cultural,
sexual.
“When we travel in buses, men causally rub
their bodies against us. There are times while we are stalked, many a times groped
while going to our office or back home”
“We don’t have freedom to choose
marriage partner. Even if a man marries by choice, he still takes out his anger
on his wife”
“In our village, woman is forces to
multiple pregnancy with the hope of male child. In case a girl child is borne,
mother is taunted and abused. The scenario is worst for the women who can’t
conceive.”
While we engaged on ‘gender’ on the first
day of the workshop, the learning was immediately reflected in the behavior of
the participants. Both men and women were seen chopping vegetables, cooking the
broth and making puris together! It was the small glimpse of how I want
to see the world where people could work together without the barriers of
gender norms.
During the session on ‘sexuality’; the
participants were divided into groups and were invited to draw body maps
followed by discussion on ‘which part of the body gives- power, pleasure, pain
and shame’. The activity was intense, intriguing, thought provoking and made
the participants move beyond their comfort zone, they were laughing in the beginning
then silent, argued and had discussion on their interpretations on the
activity.
“I was really uncomfortable in the beginning,
feeling very ashamed however because we were in the group – the discussion
became easier. I feel more confident and comfortable talking about my body”
“In the group, men do comment about
private parts in casual ways, but this was for the first time where we actually
had conversation about our bodies, realizing how important it is to talk about
it then make fun on the same.”
“We don’t talk about private parts, because
it is constantly associated with family’s honor and respect. No one talks about
it, as if it is some dirty secret. But with this activity I understood that
there is nothing to be ashamed of!”
This was followed by a discourse on
gender and sexual identities- since many of them had heard about these identities
for the first time- there was so much curiosities and questions which further
enriched the learning of the group.
“I once saw two men in love with each
other on TV, is that possible? Does that happen?”
“Transgender and hizras are same? Is it
possible to change your sex if you are not comfortable with your body?”
After accomplishing the first objective
of building understanding on gender, sexuality and gender based violence, it
was time to translate these learning into action by incorporating them in their
lives and respective community work.
However, it was equally important to understand their work context – so we
engaged on ‘what are the positive aspects of working on social issues-
menstruation, employment for women or education’ –
“I have made my own identity! I am no
more known as someone’s wife, daughter or mother but as me. This work has given
me freedom to be me”
“I feel empowered, I can go out of my
home without seeking permission, I have learned new things and more importantly
I am independent”
Talking about the challenges-
“Being a woman, riding bicycle is
frowned upon by the society. So when I started going to my workplace on cycle, I
was constantly taunted, called names and some people said that her family doesn’t
have a man to earn money!”
“It becomes a common notion pointing
fingers at my character, people think I am available and they can talk to me
about anything at any hour.”
“My husband and in laws try to stop me
every day from going to work, taunts me and gives me hard time but I don’t give
up. This is the only way I can be who I am, this is one opportunity for me to
reach out to the girls in my village so that they live a better and independent
life.”
While I was hearing these stories, I could
see that these women are not only breaking the gender stereotypes but were
taking a step ahead by challenging the challenges posed by society. This is
inspiring and gives hope to me that no matter how deep is this discrimination
but with every woman who dares raise her voice paves the path to eliminate gender
inequality and violence from the world.
In the last session, the participants in
their respective groups created action projects – identifying the target
audience, crucial issues of their community, activities, challenges they can
face, support they seek, possible and measurable outcomes along with
incorporating the understanding of gender issues they engaged during these two
days.
“I engage with youth of villages on
education and career counseling. There is huge ignorance towards gender issues
and sexuality- for example we see these posters saying people with sexual
problems meet so and so doctors! Young people hesitate talking about it, so I have
a theatre team we will prepare a natak that could address talk on sex
education and our body.”
