The beginning of the year
2018 has been incredible, inspiring and full of happy surprises for Sahas
Foundation. We kick started our second new program “Gender sensitization and
capacity building” with the teachers of the rural government schools at Naoshera
Tehsil, Jammu in collaboration with Naoshera Brigade in the month of April.
The twin objective of
the two day workshop included building understanding of gender, gender based
violence and need for comprehensive sexuality education and then capacity
building of the teachers on the same lines so that they can co-create gender
sensitive safe classrooms for the school students particularly for the
adolescents in their respective schools.
The workshop began with
the brief introduction of Sahas, our work so far and need of gender
intervention with the teacher along with the plan for the two day
workshop. In order to bring their energy
and attention fully to the session, we invited them to play “Ungli Dance” which
went pretty well as one of the teacher volunteered to repeat the game as well.
Since the workshop is interactive, activity based and involves sharing from the
personal experiences, so we engaged upon four basic agreements for co-creating
safe sharing spaces.
The participants were
then invited to share their name and one good quality about themselves with the
larger circle. This was followed by ‘chit activity’ where-in each participant were
given a chit (where gender roles, responsibilities and stereotypes were written)
and then they were asked to form two separate line based on which is done
mostly/commonly performed by men or women, then in the next step they were
invited to form 3 line- one with solely done by men, another – solely by women
and the last – things which can be done by both. Interestingly the conversations
on the last step resulted in leaving one person (can get pregnant) remained in
the women’s line, one in men (have beard) and rest in the “Can be done by both”
This was followed by
dividing the participants into 6 groups wherein they were invited to share 3
messages they have received being a man or a woman, and then share in the
larger groups. It was interesting to see that the teachers were sharing their
childhood experiences though ideally they could have shared their recent
experiences. This also reflected how these messages have deep imprints on their
consciousness as they seem still fresh in their memories. Also the workshop
seemed like house on fire, it was like a class who was tied up for a long time
and then someone let them loose – they were having fun and at the same time
they were feeling alive and safe to share their experiences. Generally, this
activity involve just stating the messages but the participants actually went
ahead and they shared very crucial and intimidating personal experiences-
“When I was young, I used
to go with my brother. But on one day it was raining and we shared umbrella and
after that day he never went with me, either he left early or late. It’s merely
because people would talk about us”
“In my school, I was
punished and a senior of mine slapped me hard. I was taken aback, nobody ever
hit me like that, so I cried badly but then I was slapped again and then again,
and it continued till I stopped crying. He said he was teaching me a lesson
that boys shouldn’t cry by making me strong, by slapping me”
“In our school, we were
taken to a place for picnic, we had lot of fun. But unlike boys, girls were not
allowed to go for boating. Our teacher said that the boys can manage
themselves, if girls get hurt then what will happen to them in future, she has
to keep us safe”
"I
was never into wearing jewelry or fancy clothes, but after marriage i am always
told to put sindoor, wear bangles and colorful saree by people living around
me. So once in the school i was sitting in the staff room when one of the
teacher came and said that it’s not right for a married woman not have sindoor.
After saying this, she put the sindoor on my head. Now also i don't understand
what the necessity of having these symbols is”
“While submitting documents
during board exams, my surname was not written correctly. When we went to get
it corrected, the Principal of the school stated that the surname will
obviously change after her marriage so why pay so much heed! And till now i
have my name without a surname”
“I used to like wearing
loose clothes, so I used to wear salwar with Kurta, and I was told that I shouldn’t
wear clothes like women”
“I wanted to be in Army,
so I joined NCC, my dad furiously stopped me from joining. And then when I refuse
to hear him out, he said it’s going to be really hard for you and as a girl you
won’t be able to do it so you will leave it on your own”
“Girls shouldn’t use
mobile phones, girls should get married early, they should study much”
“I wanted to become an air hostess, I got selected too and at the same time I got engaged to the one I love.
But for the training, I was needed to sign a 5 year bond which said that I shouldn’t
be marrying for next 5 years, my fiancé agreed but then in-laws and my own
parents kept pressurizing me to give up training, and at the end I couldn’t
resist the pressure and I gave up”
“My husband was
teaching me driving, but somehow I couldn’t get it right. He got frustrated and
said that you woman can only make rotis, do household work and this is not your
cup of tea. I didn’t like this so I took the challenge and I started to learn
driving and within 2 days I tried in various vehicles. And then on the third day,
I asked him if I can drive with him, he refuted saying that you can’t drive but
I proved him that I can!”
“Girls shouldn’t speak loudly;
they can’t take their own decisions”
“Like any other kid, I was
very curious about what my name means. I was told that my name means a certain
goddess, but when my sister was born my dad was devasted and really unhappy
because 2 daughters means double burden so he named her Seema meaning a border
so no more daughters are born to them, and then my brother was named Deepak
meaning someone who would take our family’s name ahead”
“There is always so
much gossip if male and female teacher sit together even if they are discussing
something related to students”
“There was this girl
who was being absent for a long time, I called her parents and told them if she
doesn’t come, we would remove her name. I was shocked when her father said that
remove her name immediately so that she can do household work”
“I used to study in
co-ed school but even then, it was an unsaid rule that girls would go from
inner road and boys would go from outer road”
“I was interested in
various school activities like debates but I was always told to play sports
without thinking I may or may not be interested”
“In a college
interview, instead of asking my interests or qualifications, I was asked whether
I engage in fracas or do I beat around guys because of my strong build”
“When I distributed
sweets when my daughter was born, people were surprised and asked me all sort
of questions”
“We were studying in
Nanital, one day me and my Sikh friend went for a walk. He had washed his head
and he had pretty long hairs. People were looking at us weirdly, and then he
pulled his hairs backwards. One of the kids shouted saying how aunty is having
beard?”
“I am pregnant and
every now and then people keep blessing me to have a baby boy. There is so much
restrictions on my food, depending on food people keep guessing whether I will
have a boy or girl. There is so much pressure on me, I am so scared to even
have a baby”
“I am alcoholic,
because right from the childhood, I thought being a man I should be drinking.”
“Girls can’t digest any
secrets, boys- girls can’t be friends”
“My wife wanted to be
in police, so she filled up police constable form. I encouraged her, we used to
practice together, and then people started saying all sorts of things like do
you want to make your wife a man? why are you making her run? Do you want to
sit and eat from her salary. This made me angry and I blamed her for all the
insulted. I feel bad now but I succumbed to societal pressure and didn’t let
her attend the exam”
“I could have completed
my graduation from Pune, but Papa got retired so I also have to leave and come
back with him. As a girl, I was not allowed to live in different city”
“During the festival of
Holi, girls were locked in hostel rooms”
“Boys should be bold,
why are you behaving like girl being shy is not being a boy”
“Don’t cry like girls,
boys and girls should sit separately, girls are always given responsibility for
welcoming dignitaries, boys shouldn’t have long hairs, talking too much or
gossiping is girl’s way”
“Arts and social
sciences are subjects for girls, boys should always lead and girls should
always follow”
This session went in a
very different way where most of the teacher ended up sharing their experiences
associated with the messages they had received.
“When I was told
about this training, I thought it would be some sort of lecture based. I am
glad that it turned out like this, because in so many years I have never felt
so energetic, relived and have got this space to share things which was there
in me but I didn’t know how to talk about it. I feel proud that I am a woman and
I could share my views here”
Through the game of
Chinese whispers and gender story, we engaged in defining gender, gender roles
and gender stereotypes. At this point, we also talked about gender and sexual
identities. Against all our apprehensions, one of the teachers shared, “I
am so glad you told us about sexual identities in details, because there is so
much talk going about this, there are lot of taboos and judgments around
homosexuality, I didn’t know all this. Now that I know, I can talk about it
with people around me and my students so that these wrong notions can be
stopped”
In the last part of the
session, the participants were divided into 6 different groups and were allotted
one of the spaces out of the following 6 - Home, Media, Religion, Education,
Workplace and Public spaces. They were invited to discuss and share what gender
differences they see in the given spaces. Some of the important reflections are
as follows-
Home:
“Women engage in
household chores like cooking food, washing clothes, cleaning home”
“They are restricted to
their homes, if they go out, there should be a definite purpose for that”
“There are restrictions
on with whom they will go out, at what time, about the clothes they wear”
“Attending guests,
arrangements of party, responsibility during festival celebrations”
“All the fasts have to
be kept by women, especially like Karwachauth where they keep fast for long
life of their husbands”
“There is restriction
on women in terms of entering kitchen or holy places if they are having periods”
“Responsibility of
earning money for family, protector role to the family, decision maker,
infrastructural responsibilities are on Men”
Media-
“If you see movies or
television serials, women are shown weak as compared to men, they are always on
full make up adhering to beauty norms or being feminine”
“Advertisements also
shown women as objects, using them to promote beauty products”
“For soft stories or
entertainment, we have women anchors while for political or crime news, male
anchors are there”
Religion-
“Temples, gurudwaras,
church and all religious places have men as priests”
“There are certain
temples with deities like Hanuman ji where girls are not allowed to go”
“In Islam, women are
not allowed to do namaj in Majid”
“Cremation ceremony is
performed by male members of family”
“During menstruation,
girls can’t enter in holy/religious places”
“In some religious
prayers, women have to dress up in certain way- like Burkhas for Muslim women,
or in Hindu where women should have veil on their head”
“In Hindus, all the
ceremonial rituals are performed by men”
Education-
“Girls are married
early rather than letting them go for higher education”
“Girls have to do household
work along with studies because of which their studies are affected”
“Girls are constantly
advised to take subjects like Arts or home sciences so that they don’t have to
invest extra time for practical”
“There is different
dress code for girls and boys even if it is KV, private or government school”
“Boys are called scouts
and girls are called guide which is also point of discrimination”
“Boys preferred to go
out for higher education but not girls”
Workspace-
“If there is a work
that involves going out- male teachers are preferred”
“Females are given more
leaves and easily as compared to Male staff”
“Non-availability of
bathrooms is an issue for females because male easily do that anywhere”
“Whenever it is about
spending money, it’s always on male staff”
Public spaces-
“Girls are seen less in
public spaces, they are dictated as to how to conduct their selves in terms of
how to walk, what to wear, timings. They can’t walk hand in hand, can’t smoke,
can’t sit alone, not to speak loudly, can’t feed their baby, there are chances
of molestation, lack of toilets”
“Drivers are mostly
men, in public spaces females are heard more if they complain of any mishap,
there are so many concessions for females”
These six spaces form
most part of our lives, it won’t be wrong to say that they are integral part of
our life deeply impacting it. Hence taking the cues from the discussion,
patriarchy was explained with the emphasis as to how it affects not only women
but also men on larger way leading to the problem of inequality and causing
imbalance in the society in an undesirable way.
“I don’t know how I am
feeling right now. It’s like my world has become upside down, all this
discussions is making me question whatever I have learnt over course of my
life. I didn’t mean to do any kind of discrimination but I feel guilty of my
actions. I need to make changes, this is not something right and it needs to be
rectified, I am so thankful for this session” said a 40 plus teacher.
And all I could feel
was “We are on right track.”
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