“We are two brothers
and 3 sisters, both of us go to school however my parents don’t send my sisters
to school. I always wondered why?”
As part of our ongoing
intervention in the Government all boys’ school, Dwarka, the fifth session was
based on Gender. It’s been an interesting journey with 30 boys because right
from the second session, be it body changes during puberty, peer pressure, sex
etc ; gender had always dominated the conversations hence I was really excited
to see how the session on gender turns out to be!
“Being a boy, I always
had the pressure to stand on my feet and earn good money. Once a boy is 24-25
years, he has to earn come what may be the situation and this is followed by
extreme pressure to get married. I don’t want to get married however my parents
insisted on seeing a girl for marriage”
“Being a girl, my parents are always worried about my where about? I am always told to come home early, not roam around late in the evening”
Following this, the
participants were divided into three groups where-in they were invited to share
“3 key messages they have received because they are boys”
“You need to study hard
so that you can become something in life”
“Friends always say
that you should have a girlfriend because you are a boy”
“I am always taunted
for my height”
“As I am growing up, my
parents don’t allow me to play with girls because the people around me will
judge”
“Only boys can play
cricket”
“If any boy plays
badminton, then they are called girls”
“Don’t stay in home as
girls”
“5 years back, when I
used to play with girls, my friends used to tell me not to play with them
because boys should play with boys”
“In the village, it’s
me who is always sent to market. In case I am not in the home, my mother will
never send sister to the market, they will wait for me and once I am home I
would be sent to the market”
“My mother say may be I
won’t get to eat in a day, but I will make sure that you study so that you
could become something in your life”
“Once I sat on the
ladies seat in a bus, I didn’t know anything. One uncle came to me and said
that boys can’t sit on ladies seat”
“In the home, girls are
told to wear veil and remain inside”
This was followed by
the game of Chinese whispers; hilariously the facilitator whispered 2 lines in
the ears of the first participant and the last person said just one word “NO”,
following this a gender story was co-created from the times of ancient man to
the current society that we live in. The facilitator then explained the concept
and meaning of gender taking insights from the gender story and the chinese
whispers.
Once the definition of
gender was established, the participants were again divided into 3 groups where
in each group has to share the ‘difference between boy and girls in different
spaces namely home, school and public places’.
Home-
“The girls are not allowed
to go outside the home”
“In the home, all the
things are first given to the male members then to the women and girls”
“Only sister and mother
cook food in the home”
“Most of the household
work is done by my sister”
“We are always told to
be with sister, to guard them and not to leave them alone”
“When a girl goes
outside their home, their brothers are also sent along with them”
“Girls are not given
mobile phones”
“Boys are given more
money”
“Girls are told to
speak softly and little”
“Girls can’t wear
clothes of their choice”
“Girls are given less
food, else they will grow fat”
“Girls are not given
anything that is sour or tangy to eat”
Public spaces-
‘Girls have seats
reserved in metro and buses”
“Boys can play whatever
they want to, till whatever time they want to, however that is not the case
with girls”
“Most of the shops have
male person to manage the shop”
“In the playgrounds and
parks, mostly boys are seen”
School-
Now this school is an
all boys school, hence they twisted the question in a different way. The
participants discussed as to why girls have school in the morning and why boys
come in afternoon.
“Girls get up early in
the morning, boys are lazy they get up late in the morning”
“Girls have to do
household work after the school”
“They can’t stay late
in the evening, because they might get kidnapped or something wrong might
happen to them”
“In this school, we
have all male teachers and only one female staff”
Apart from this,
“The boys are scolded
or beaten more by teachers than girls”
“if both boys and girls
study together, then the boys will eve tease them , harass them like yesterday
few girls were giving examination in the class, all the boys hovered around to
see them, every one was staring at them”
“There are more girls
in a class room because they are enthusiastic and they love studying unlike
boys”
“My parents, teachers,
neighbors everyone tells me to stay away from the girls, don’t study with them,
mingle with them because something wrong will happen”
I was astonished to see
how gender is taking up its roots in the lives of adolescents. In the same
group, one boy said, “If a girl complains then everyone listens to them.”
“But, the girls very
rarely complains, so when they say people believe them because it takes lot of
courage for a girl to speak up” I said.
“You are right didi,
boys complain on every small thing so they are not always taken seriously”
“In case of eve
teasing, girls don’t complain because they are scared of the culprits, their
family as to how they will think about her and also people talk nonsense about
her” I said
“Do you think if a girl
is raped or beaten, it’s her fault?” I inquired
One boy promptly
replied, “Didi, how can it be her fault? She is being harassed but everyone
thinks it’s her fault because she is girl, family worries about their respect
nobody thinks about their daughter. People say that she might have done
something that’s why she has been raped. But I don’t agree”
Another boy, “If I ever
see anyone harassing a girl, I will raise my voice and help her”
Another interesting
conversation happened on movies, how boys and girls are projected in the
Bollywood movie.
“Mostly it’s the male
who are heroes, but there are films where girls are in action like phool bane
angare, Mumbai ki kiran bedi, Mardani etc”
The session turned out
to be fantastic with so many insights. I was really glad to watch the young
boys having mature conversations around gender which just made my day J
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